fishtaco Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm a big proponent of multi-dating. I believe in being casual until exclusivity. And I believe it solves a lot of problems for both genders. But I also know some people don't subscribe to this method of dating, especially (but not limited to) ones that don't have a lot of dating experience. Well, I was doing my usual thing, except I was hitting on two girls at the same time at the same place. It was a good night, so even though they each saw me do my thing with the other one, I got girl 1's number and a date out of girl 2. Girl 2 is a veteran of the scene. She knows how to flirt (a little too well), and she knows how to handle men. She was aggressively cutting in. So I have a date set up with her. All in a day's work. We'll see how the date goes. Girl 1 I have been talking on the phone with, and I found out she's pretty new at this, which raised my suspicion about her views on multi-dating. Apparently even giving out her number was a big deal, in stark contrast to the myriad of number collectors you run into every time you turn your head. So tonight, while talking to her, I shot myself in the foot and did something I was never supposed to do - I gave her a run down on how multi-dating works, and that I'm a part of it. That pretty much killed my chances with her, and I knew it would. But I didn't want to "surprise her" later and hurt her feelings. She's a good girl. I'm always saying we're all adults, we're all responsible for our own actions. But this time, I played the babysitter. So yes, my nice guy past reared its ugly head again. Lame. I'd be pretty pissed if karma isn't real, because I'm cashing in this baby. Although I have a feeling I'm just going to get pissed.
sand26 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Yeah, nice guy reared his head. But maybe nice guy saved you from some crazy drama in the future. I multi-date and have for the past 4 years, generally I find it best to bring it up as soon as possible to avoid confusion. Wearing a wedding ring makes this conversation present itself. I think you probably did the right thing dude, no need to cause pain or unnecessary drama. she might date you anyway, then you know it's on like Teflon. good luck bro
Author fishtaco Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Yeah, that's true. You never know when you dodged drama, because it never happened. We're going to "hang out as friends" in a couple of weeks, since we're both busy this coming weekend. We'll see if she changes her mind.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 So tonight, while talking to her, I shot myself in the foot and did something I was never supposed to do - I gave her a run down on how multi-dating works, and that I'm a part of it. bad move fish taco. you know rule numbero uno is when girl #1 is in teh room you never mention girl #2 or girl #3 or even your mum you have to make all the girls feel like #1, even if they aren't
Author fishtaco Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 bad move fish taco. you know rule numbero uno is when girl #1 is in teh room you never mention girl #2 or girl #3 or even your mum you have to make all the girls feel like #1, even if they aren't Yeah, I know, I broke the rule, because I felt bad for girl #1. She hasn't dated much, and wouldn't be equipped to deal with someone like me.
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 This thread makes me respect you more fishtaco. It's always a good idea to be upfront. When I've multi-dated in the past, I've ALWAYS divulged. It's only fair that people know what they're getting themselves into. This way it's their personal choice to get involved or not, particularly when it's at the beginning and they're not yet invested. I've never multi-dated while in a relationship and tried to force my requirements on someone else. That's just cruel. Common sense would dictate that you would lose the person, right? Guess again. 9/10 times, they get competitive and work harder.
Author fishtaco Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 This thread makes me respect you more fishtaco. It's always a good idea to be upfront. When I've multi-dated in the past, I've ALWAYS divulged. It's only fair that people know what they're getting themselves into. This way it's their personal choice to get involved or not, particularly when it's at the beginning and they're not yet invested. I've never multi-dated while in a relationship and tried to force my requirements on someone else. That's just cruel. Common sense would dictate that you would lose the person, right? Guess again. 9/10 times, they get competitive and work harder. Thanks, although it's much easier for women to divulge that info. When men say it, it usually gets interpreted as: 1) Oh you just want to sleep around 2) Apparently I'm not good enough to be your girlfriend So while I appreciate your extra respect, you might want to hold on to it. I'm not divulging this info with girl #2. I was one of at least 4 guys she flirted with that night, I don't know if anyone else got her number after I left, and I don't care; I fully expect her to be multi-dating. And as I mentioned, she's quite good, and aggressive with her flirting. So I assume she knows what's up. I believe multi-dating should be assumed but not talked about - don't ask don't tell. Personally I think it's a good way to date, but it does pretty much put a dead stop to any progress being made if talked about. Girl #1 certainly had absolutely no clue. I couldn't go through with it. Other than appeasing my own over-developed sense of conscience, breaking this rule has no value. The "surprise" that I didn't give her, someone else will. She has to learn, one way or another.
BobSacamento Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Fish? Did you get schooled in the unquenchable curiosity of a woman?
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Thanks, although it's much easier for women to divulge that info. When men say it, it usually gets interpreted as: 1) Oh you just want to sleep around 2) Apparently I'm not good enough to be your girlfriend So while I appreciate your extra respect, you might want to hold on to it. I'm not divulging this info with girl #2. I was one of at least 4 guys she flirted with that night, I don't know if anyone else got her number after I left, and I don't care; I fully expect her to be multi-dating. And as I mentioned, she's quite good, and aggressive with her flirting. So I assume she knows what's up. I believe multi-dating should be assumed but not talked about - don't ask don't tell. Personally I think it's a good way to date, but it does pretty much put a dead stop to any progress being made if talked about. Girl #1 certainly had absolutely no clue. I couldn't go through with it. Other than appeasing my own over-developed sense of conscience, breaking this rule has no value. The "surprise" that I didn't give her, someone else will. She has to learn, one way or another. There are men who aren't interested in dating women who multi-date. LS has some of them so it's a risk that either gender takes, when divulging. At least you differentiated between a gamer and someone naive and didn't take advantage of the naive one. There might be a spark of decency in you yet!
alphamale Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 There are men who aren't interested in dating women who multi-date. LS has some of them so it's a risk that either gender takes, when divulging. my general impression are these:until you commit to someone you can do whatever you want, andmost women, when they start dating a guy they genuinely like will drop her other suitors fairly quicklyrule 2 goes for men too but less soπr2 = the area of a circle
Author fishtaco Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Fish? Did you get schooled in the unquenchable curiosity of a woman? What do you mean? Enlighten me. I'm here to learn. There might be a spark of decency in you yet! Haha, well, I am a former nice guy. Obviously one that can't completely shake his past. I have nothing against women. I don't enjoy bringing them misery. But I want what men want, and I have to do what I have to do to get it. Otherwise I'd be starting nice-guy-finish-last whine threads here all day, as if all the angry fight threads aren't enough to drag this place down already. my general impression are these: Absolutely agree 100%. Even people that do not subscribe to multi-dating should be aware of those for self protection and math class. But unfortunately that's not always the case.
BobSacamento Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I am just curious asto whether she got it out of you or did you give her the information of multi-dating with little prying?
Author fishtaco Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I am just curious asto whether she got it out of you or did you give her the information of multi-dating with little prying? Oh LOL. I thought you meant you have some sort of magical approach that I should have used. Well, she knows about girl #2. I'm going to use naive girl and gamer girl instead of girl #1 and 2, I think that would be more clear. Naive girl acted like we were on our way to exclusivity already. I haven't even taken her out on a date yet. We just exchanged numbers and talked on the phone a couple of times. She obviously didn't like gamer girl, and she wanted me to stop dancing "sexy" with other women... oh yeah, I was doing some dirty dancing with both of them, and they both saw when I was doing my thang with the other one. That's right kids... learn to dance, it's like being the only straight male hairdresser. But I'm sure she was just thinking she doesn't want me dancing with gamer girl. After talking to her the first time on the phone for about an hour and a half, I made up my mind I have to tell her about multi-dating, since that was when I got a good understanding of what she's like, and her lack of experience in the dating arena. So when she brought up the issue with dancing the second time we spoke, I figure that was a good time for me to bring up multi-dating, so I did. If she never saw gamer girl, she probably wouldn't have brought that up. Then I would have had to somehow steer the topic in that direction.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'm sorry that you feel being a decent guy is something to be looked down on. I'm not going to preach to you but you can still get what you want out of life without needing to use people. Stick to gamer girls at this point of your life, fishtaco. Mutual usage doesn't rip hearts out.
bayouboi Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I think it's cool that you holstered your intentions.
BobSacamento Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Yeah dude sounds like you made the right move. That chick sounds like she was coming on a little bit too strong lol
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