emotionalydistraugt Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I used to sit and ponder what I should do to try and get her back. I used to want nothing more but to her to come crying back to me wanting forgiveness and wanting me to take her back. Not anymore. I'm almost positive it will never be the same again. I'll never have the girl I had before she cheated. I know she wants my forgiveness because she keeps trying to friend me on facebook but I deny it everytime. But the problem I have is that I just can't stop thinking about her with him. How happy she is with him. I'm trying to use it as motivation to make myself better so that if that day comes where I see them together she sees what shes missing. But when I lay in bed at night I still think about this girl who was the love of my life. And I just want to stop thinking of her. Will I ever stop thinking of her? Is she always going to live in my mind and the best I can do is accept it? Is this (sorry if you don't believe in him) God's way of punishment for the wrongs I committed while we were together? I am just looking for some answers and maybe some hope.
gavinus Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Good for you and blocking her on facebook! I think she probably feels slightly guilty, but if she really wanted forgiveness she would have contacted you by now via phone, text, letter, email and maybe in person. How long have you been split for? how long were you dating?
D-Lish Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Nah- I don't believe in Him (or Her)... I think if you buy into the fact that you're being punished for something, that you won't do anything to change your situation. There are things you can do to slow down thinking about her. Think of a place in your head that you can go to everytime thoughts of her creep up. Play a scenario in your head- where you are doing something awesome like driving a racecar or being a hero and saving someone's life- whatever you need to think about. Just a story in your head that you switch to everytime she pops into your head. It may sound weird- but it works. The last while before sleep is the worst... it's when you are so relaxed and your thoughts can start to race. That hour before drifting off to sleep will also determine your dreams- imbed in your subconscious. That's when you have to learn to "go somewhere else" with your thoughts. You will get over this. I think it's great you are sticking to no contact. That's difficult to do for most of us. It will help to keep you saner, and expediate the healing process. Hang in there.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 I don't think she has the balls to contact me that way. She never has been the one to do things on her own she always kind of needs to latch onto somebody else. But I would figure that the numerous friendship requests speaks for something. Or maybe I just want to feel like she still thinks about me and wants me in her life. I dunno. We were dating for 3 years with tlak of marriage since about day one. We broke up about 4-5 months ago. Naturally she is/has gotten over it faster then me because she has someone else who cares about her.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Nah- I don't believe in Him (or Her)... I think if you buy into the fact that you're being punished for something, that you won't do anything to change your situation. There are things you can do to slow down thinking about her. Think of a place in your head that you can go to everytime thoughts of her creep up. Play a scenario in your head- where you are doing something awesome like driving a racecar or being a hero and saving someone's life- whatever you need to think about. Just a story in your head that you switch to everytime she pops into your head. It may sound weird- but it works. The last while before sleep is the worst... it's when you are so relaxed and your thoughts can start to race. That hour before drifting off to sleep will also determine your dreams- imbed in your subconscious. That's when you have to learn to "go somewhere else" with your thoughts. You will get over this. I think it's great you are sticking to no contact. That's difficult to do for most of us. It will help to keep you saner, and expediate the healing process. Hang in there. Thank You. I've noticed that I don't think of her as much as I used to but there are these times where images of them doing the stuff me and her used to do that drives me f(*^ing nuts. Those were suppost to be just mine and her memories not to be shared with anyone else, ya know?
gavinus Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 You need to let her go in order for you to be happy and sane. If you really care for her, then let her go and wish her happiness. She may come back one day..but then she may not. She has made her decision to move on with somebody else. If you give yourself the chance you could meet somebody else too and remember that the most attractive thing to anybody looking in from the outside is somebody who appears to be getting on with life fine (even if its a lie). You were happy before you even knew she was around, you can be again, the choice is up to you, Great job for sticking with NC!!! I know its hard but every day is a day you are moving forward and a day you grow stronger!
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Thanks you guys for the help. The Nc was almost broken when I got drunk this weekend but luckily my buddies held me back. I realize I should be happy for her but I don't see it as being fair. I don't know why she gets to be happy while I can be alone and sad when she ended it the way she did. I feel like it's an act of injustice. Somedays I tell myself I'm glad she with someone who will treat her right but then I go right back to feeling like she doesn't deserve it. I know that part of the problem is that I'm finding it harder to move on because she was my first true love. My first girlfriend. My first just about everything. Before her I wasn't all to happy with myself. Then she came along and changed my world. Now she's gone to me and I have a constant reminder of how epicly I failed in the relationship. If I didn't fail, then why would she have broken it off to be with someone else? All I see is my screw ups what I did wrong so I sit with this question of how do I fix what I don't know what needs to be fixed
gavinus Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Try not to blame yourself!! Awhile ago an old girlfriend, dumped me....I blamed myself and gave myself a hard time for 3 years!! And in the last 2 months I got dumped again (another 3 year relationship ended) but this time around I am more forgiving on myself and I think if you learn what went wrong then it is not a total loss. Remember she was not perfect, and the things she liked in you originally are still their waiting to be found by another person. Also she does not care if you let her go today or spend the next 3 years beating yourself up, so try to forgive yourself and move on. There WILL be another person who will love you but you have to love yourself first
Knight_Ctrl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I used to sit and ponder what I should do to try and get her back. I used to want nothing more but to her to come crying back to me wanting forgiveness and wanting me to take her back. Not anymore. I'm almost positive it will never be the same again. I'll never have the girl I had before she cheated. I know she wants my forgiveness because she keeps trying to friend me on facebook but I deny it everytime. But the problem I have is that I just can't stop thinking about her with him. How happy she is with him. I'm trying to use it as motivation to make myself better so that if that day comes where I see them together she sees what shes missing. But when I lay in bed at night I still think about this girl who was the love of my life. And I just want to stop thinking of her. Will I ever stop thinking of her? Is she always going to live in my mind and the best I can do is accept it? Is this (sorry if you don't believe in him) God's way of punishment for the wrongs I committed while we were together? I am just looking for some answers and maybe some hope. Brother I know what you're going through. Same thing happened to me. I loved my girl more than life itself, and all she did was break my heart, line up her next man.....which happened to be a friend of mine. Things weren't suppose to be like this. She was suppose to be the one who wasn't going to hurt me, and she did....more than anyone else ever. I've boozed, I've tried drugs (still like them some teehee). And every single night I feel like I want to just call her again.....I miss her man, I want so bad to just hate her ****ing guts if I had hate then at least I'd have something else to hang on to. I get told I just need to forgive both her and my friend for what they did to me....I'm not going to, I can't. I cannot accept that I should just forgive the backstabbery they have done. And brother trust me, its gonna be hard to trust anyone in the future. But you know what....we have to move on. Unlike you I don't believe in God, but at the same time I feel like there is some outside force working against me. KEEPING me from being happy. Thats not true....its BECAUSE I don't believe in God that I need to accept that the only one causing my pain is me. She hasn't contacted me for several months, I haven't contacted her. We need to take charge of our hearts and our thoughts. I think about her every night even though I don't want to. She creeps into my dreams, then the next day starts and the pain is there all over again. And we've been broken up half as long as we dated.......christ I miss her. We need to take charge, of our emotions and our thoughts. I genuinely think that it is our biggest curse as a species to be able to feel. Love is not required for reproduction, the species could continue without love. So why do we love other than to suffer. I don't know...I've been doing a ****load of thinking. Start meditating, start working out (I've lost 25lbs!). Just take care of yourself, and understand maybe guys like you and me, maybe we will have to carry this feeling on forever. Even if we do meet someone else. Take care of yourself friend. I loved my girl more than life itself. And if I could do anything in the world to change what had happened.....I would glady
EmperorR Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My cheating ex still torments my mind daily and it's been more than six months and I hate it. The only time I don't think of her is when I'm with my new gf. Every day I think of her and that herb she's with, and it's painful like what did I do to deserve this?
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