nature Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I was writing on here quite often through January & February. It helped me so much. Here is my post from then that tells my story: [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...=177753&page=2[/COLOR] We were together 3 yrs...engaged. We broke up in May because he, at 40, decided to start running around with all of his newly divorced buddies, going to bars 3 & 4 nights a week, etc. He thought I should be patient and stick it out. The man who at one time had been my best friend who adored me. Suddenly he was like a crazy person. I didn't stick it out. We broke up. I was so freaking angry for months and months. At Xmas he went off to Mexico for 3 months (which I found out later that he had 6 of his buddies coming down to hang out with him there...which he failed to tell me & pretended he was just going to get away & basically "find himself". blah). He started writing me emails from Mex saying "why hadn't I been more patient, that he only threw in the towel out of frustration, not lack of love, etc, sending me hugs, etc". I have ignored him since before Xmas & ignored his emals. I have not received an email since Xmas. Gone in to strict No Contact. And wow has no contact worked. So well that I'm not even full of rage and anger anymore. but the problem is, now I feel calm, and have had this huge urge the last few days to contact him. STOP ME. It's eating at me. And I'm mad at myself. We broke up last May. It's almost a year. I have been no contact with him for 3 months. Why do I want to contact him? Link to post Share on other sites
rebmalove Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I don't know why but don't do it! You've been so strong now, you can't just give in... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Thank you. I have been strong, yes. I was so angry, that I had no choice but to do No Contact. But now my anger has died. And now it's hard. Grrrr. I guess I just am having all these weird feelings in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue52 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Do not give in. I know it's hard now, but sooner or later it won't be hard to not give in. You'll still be in pain, but you won't want to break no contact. There is a 99.99999999% chance that breaking no contact will result in nothing but further heart break. Don't ruin what you've worked so hard for. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 IHe started writing me emails from Mex saying "why hadn't I been more patient, that he only threw in the towel out of frustration, not lack of love, etc, sending me hugs, etc". Wait, are you saying he was asking why HE hadn't been more patient, or are those misplaced quotes talking about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Lippy2 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Sorry to hear this has happened to you. I know how it feels when the anger subsides and you want to pick up the phone. You have been really strong, try to stay that way!! I am having a hard time myself. YOU CAN DO IT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Has he tried contacting you at all these last 3 months you've been NC? Have you heard anything about how he's doing, what he's been up to, etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 Sedgewick...he was writing me emails from Mexico. And in the emails he was sending me, he was saying to me that he wished I'd been more patient and just given him time to figure out how to properly be in a relationship, and given him time to get his life together. It angered me recieving these, because we had been together 3 yrs and were engaged. And the first two yrs of our relationship, things were wonderful. He went downhill the last yr when he started chumming around with old friends who were newly divorced. So it wasn't like he didn't know how to be in a relationship. He was just looking for excuses to have his cake and eat it too. In his emails he also stated that he only threw in the towel on us out of frustration, and not lack of love for me. It was kind of weird, because I was the one who really threw in the towel. But he kept writing me, re-stating how he had dumped me. Saying that he knows his friends are quote> "a bunch of losers", etc. But even after he wrote me these letters about his friends being a bunch of losers, etc. I found out through the grapevine that all these so called "losers" were meeting him in Mexico and spent 6 wks down there with him.....7 guys altogether. I never responded to his emails. I ignored them. The last one he sent me was right before Xmas. I still ignored it. Have heard nothign from him since. I drove by him about a week ago, but that is it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 I think I'm getting over my intuitive desire to contact him. Maybe i just needed to hash it out with people who are unbiased. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Let it go. The past is the past. The sooner you let go of the past, the sooner you can start enjoying the present moment and looking forward to your future again. Keeping this idea in the front of my mind has been very helpful to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 I had let it go, which is why I'm so bloody confused as to why all these feelings have been stirring up in me the last wk. I went NC with him and ignored his emails before Xmas. It was hard, but I've been NC for almost 4 months! I told myself every day for months that not in a million yrs would I ever speak to him again, let alone get back together with him. That's why I don't know why on earth I'm getting these intense gut feelings like I should call him. I've decided I probably won't. But...oh why? I hate these feelings. It was much easier when I was just hating him. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Chessy02 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I tell you why you had the feelings. It is coming up to a year he left you. The mind has a clever way of messing our heads! Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Don't it will just set you back, im happy I haven't contacted my ex fiance in like 7 months fought the urges and now my newest ex who dumped me this week I haven't either. Luckily I have the experience from last time reminding me when I broke nc with my ex fiance what happened, she was mean, she was always busy, she didn't care and always told me to get lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nature Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 Yes Chessy & Emperor....both your points are exactly what is stopping me from breaking NC. I refuse to be treated like I am disposable or replaceable. And I fear that will be his attitude. He is a hugely defensive person....one time we had a stupid big fight over nothing...I called him a few days later. When I called he told me, quote: "I'm glad you called, because if you hadn't called me, I would never have called you. I'm stubborn and pigheaded and I would have gone the rest of my life without talking to you if it meant me picking up the phone. My pride wont' let me do that." I found it difficult to ascertain. We made up right away and he kept telling me how happy he was that I called, as he didn't want to live without me. I remember thinking what a shame to be buried behind such walls of defense. Link to post Share on other sites
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