Isolde Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Here's one for those of you in long term relationships or marriages. In dating, people always advise to be openminded. While this is sound, I can't help but wonder if in the end, we find people that we would have expected ourselves with. Is your partner someone you would have imagined yourself with previous to meeting that person? I'm not talking about looks here, more about the whole person: personality, the vibes they give off, their interests, their style (ok, I guess looks would be a small part of that too). While a lot of people end up with someone who isn't quite their physical "type," I don't often hear people saying, "Oh I didn't expect my SO/husband would have this kind of personality," and it's not often I see people with really different styles end up together for the long term. Of course, it happens, but when it does it kinda stands out. Which leads me to wonder, is this a self fulfilling prophecy? If people were truly openminded, with absolutely no expectations of whom they are compatible with, would they choose different partners? I know relationships that are built on love happen rather intuitively but... everyone has some expectations at the back of their head. I hope this question makes sense, I may have worded it clumsily.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 wow thats an assume thought* i never looked at it that way, i guess it makes sense...i think things would be different for a lot of people if we went solely on personality...
frustr8ed Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I can show you the world Shining, shimmering, splendid Tell me, princess, now when did You last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes Take you wonder by wonder Over, sideways and under On a magic carpet ride A whole new world A new fantastic point of view No one to tell us no Or where to go Or say we're only dreaming A whole new world A dazzling place I never knew But when I'm way up here It's crystal clear That now I'm in a whole new world with you Now I'm in a whole new world with you Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling Through an endless diamond sky A whole new world Don't you dare close your eyes A hundred thousand things to see Hold your breath - it gets better I'm like a shooting star I've come so far I can't go back to where I used to be A whole new world Every turn a surprise With new horizons to pursue Every moment red-letter I'll chase them anywhere There's time to spare Let me share this whole new world with you A whole new world That's where we'll be A thrilling chase A wondrous place For you and me Doesn't answer your question but your avatar made me .
Author Isolde Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 wow thats an assume thought* i never looked at it that way, i guess it makes sense...i think things would be different for a lot of people if we went solely on personality... It's not just personality vs. looks, though. I'm thinking that people have preconceived notions of whom they may be compatible with, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy--but then again, maybe this is for the best, maybe we're not meant to be truly openminded. This is a weird thread, guys, sorry. Another of my incomprehensible questions, I guess.
manugeorge Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 You have to realize that being open-minded has its limits, and it usually ends where your values start to get threatened. I can be a very open-minded person, giving everyone equal opportunity to be a friend/companion but I won't choose to be friends with a drug dealer or serial killer in the name of being open-minded. Those are extreme examples but they apply to daily lives and how we end up with the people around us.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My BF is honestly perfect for me. But in all honesty, he's not exactly what I had envisioned my prince charming to be personality-wise. I had envisioned a social butterfly, the "guy's guy" who's always on the go, the funny guy that everyone and their mother wants to be around. My BF is quieter, calmer. He's not as comedian-esque (but he's still funny!), doesn't need to be the center of attention, nor is he as naturally stylish as I expected "the one" would be. I also always envisioned myself being with someone who was exciting and kept me on my toes, heart always beating fast. But if I'm honest with myself, deep down I also envisioned that this man wouldn't really meet my emotional needs. My BF isn't exciting in the way I was used to or expected (i.e., drama and insecurity), but the relationship is exciting because he does meet every single one of my needs.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 wow thats an assume thought* i never looked at it that way, i guess it makes sense...i think things would be different for a lot of people if we went solely on personality... At the end of the day though, that's really all you've got. Who do you want to eat breakfast with when you're 90, when the only beauty you have left is what's in your heart and soul?
Author Isolde Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Manugeorge, I don't mean that kind of openmindedness. More like the openmindedness that would be required for a businessmanfrom Europe to marry a professional musician from America (or whatever). This is a poll thread, so I'm interested in seeing answers to the OP.
Author Isolde Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 My BF is honestly perfect for me. But in all honesty, he's not exactly what I had envisioned my prince charming to be personality-wise. I had envisioned a social butterfly, the "guy's guy" who's always on the go, the funny guy that everyone and their mother wants to be around. My BF is quieter, calmer. He's not as comedian-esque (but he's still funny!), doesn't need to be the center of attention, nor is he as naturally stylish as I expected "the one" would be. I also always envisioned myself being with someone who was exciting and kept me on my toes, heart always beating fast. But if I'm honest with myself, deep down I also envisioned that this man wouldn't really meet my emotional needs. My BF isn't exciting in the way I was used to or expected (i.e., drama and insecurity), but the relationship is exciting because he does meet every single one of my needs. Thanks for answering! This is interesting!
DunnoWhat Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Law of attraction. You end up with whats normal for you. Somebody who are similar and will see things similar to yourself.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Consider someone who's right for you, like opening up a safe. You can hear the tumblers falling and as you hit the right combination, there's a click each time. If this keeps happening, you can get to the final combination number and the door opens. I've never had the exact mental vision or image, of the "right man" beyond a laundry list of needs and wants. My SO fit my needs and many of my wants. The rest is gravy.
Author Isolde Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I mean, most of us don't actually have a mental image of the person we'll end up with, but read what StarGazer said, as an example of a bit of a surprise. In a way it is nice to think one really has no idea what the (a) right person will be like, barring compatibility per the laundry list.
monkey00 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I think it's normal and ideal for everyone to have some kind of vision of the person they want. Perfectly ok to have standards. I admit, I do have a specific type in my head I'm attracted to and often the case is they do come with that personality type...so maybe it's not that far off. Maybe I do have an ideal type for a reason because it has proven time and time again to be successful? For the record I'm attracted to tall types. Unlike every other guy I know who are attracted to short girls. Many times in the past I've had short girls attracted to me, they may have had a awesome personality but it just didn't cut it for me.
chrislovestosurf Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'll let you know when you and I end up together!
Recommended Posts