gandalf_gray Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 well, we've only met online.. keep chatting for a long time.. had really good conversations going on.. have similar ideas ...I really like her.. we've exchanged a few gifts. its now almost 6 months. now, the Questions is, should I ask her out. She is still single. BUT she is 2000 miles away I could make the trip once.. but not sure if this is going to help either of us. but it bothers me so much, if I am passing on something that might be good. Please give your views on this.
EllieBean Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My current bf is almost 4000 miles away - we conducted the majority of our relationship online and now he wants to marry me - I'm seriously considering saying yes. Are you both in the same country? (possible if you're in the US). If so then one of you could eventually move to be with the other without having to marry in order to get a green card, which makes things much easier. Being 2000 miles apart probably means a time difference of 3hrs I guess? That isn't so bad either. I suggest talking to this girl about how you feel, and arranging to visit her. Then if you still like each other, arrange for her to visit you. By this point you would probably have known her close to a year and would have met at least twice, so if you want to give your relationship a go then one of you could consider moving closer to the other. My bf always says that despite the distance he finds it easier to make the effort to be with me than he would find it to spend the rest of his life without me - do you feel the same about this girl? If so, don't let her go because of a temporary problem like living in different places.
KikiW Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Love is a risk, but it is an acceptable risk. There is no reason to sit back after 30 years and ask what might have been if you had taken the chance. See what she says. You just never know.
Author gandalf_gray Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Thank you,, no , we are both in the US.. but 2 states apart with the Gulf of mexico in between I'm thinking ....... as you said I dont want to regret not asking her out at a later point in life.. let me squeeze my brains for a few more days ..
Els Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 How much would you need to sacrifice in order to make the trip? If you can easily afford the plane ticket and have enough time... why not? I definitely would!
Author gandalf_gray Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 well, its not just about the 1st trip as to what sacrifice I would have to make. after all, it would be just like a short vacation trip.. but if it starts progressing, then obviously, it would need money - to keep up the visits.. and in this kind of economy, i'm not sure how feasible it is .. to change Job location.
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 If you're already questioning the relationship, stop right now! Don't go any further. Unless both of you are 100% into making it work, forget an LDR. It will only lead to heartbreak.
Bearandsue Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I think you should take a chance. You might ask your self what if.....? one day.
EllieBean Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Do you really think you're into this girl enough to make a LDR work? You have to be willing to do whatever it takes... my bf and I have both spent a fortune on flights, I stayed up all night so we could talk despite the time difference, he drove 11 hours to the passport office when his passport didn't come through in time for him to visit me. He'd quit his job in a heartbeat and spend the rest of his life selling pencils on the street corner if it meant he could be with me. An LDR isn't easy, but if it's with the right person it's worth it, because some people can't be replaced. I figure a few years of difficulties is worth it if I get to spend the rest of my life with my bf... so... is she special enough to be worth the effort?
Lovin a scrapper Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 You should really consider taking a chance on this. I live about 1700 miles from my girl. We have spent tons of hours on the phone and texting and we have made visits to each other every 3 months or so. She is going to come here one more time in July and then we are gonna focus on getting me there in the next few months after that. Deciding on me being there with her was and is the most important part of our LDR. We now know that we will be together forever. It took a lot of commitment, trust and most of all communication to keep our LDR flourishing for as long as it has and it works when you combine all of those ingredients. Absolutely none of them can be left out for it to work. If this is what you want to take on, please make sure that both of you want this and want to make that full commitment otherwise one or the two of you could wind up hurt. I can tell you though, when there is two people committed to an LDR and it works, there is no closer bond between the two when you spend time together in person. Its awesome. Good luck and I know that you will make the right decision. Jeff
KikiW Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 well, its not just about the 1st trip as to what sacrifice I would have to make. after all, it would be just like a short vacation trip.. but if it starts progressing, then obviously, it would need money - to keep up the visits.. and in this kind of economy, i'm not sure how feasible it is .. to change Job location. I live in north Jersey, my baby lives in SW Alabama. We are both in the midst of separations and divorces. We each have a daughter. Neither of us has anything significant in our bank accounts and will be walking away from our old relationships with virtually nothing. But when we began our relationship, we had to commit to it completely. Okay, so instead of getting my hair cut and colored, my nails done, and other "beautifications" as I used to on a regular basis, I get a trim and do the rest myself, and put the money towards a plane ticket. Every 4 months, I make the trip, and every 4 months HE makes the trip, so we end up spending one long perfect weekend together every 2 months or so. Four more weeks until I see him again. We also talk. ALL THE TIME. I call him the minute I get inside after putting my daughter on the bus, and we chat until he has to go to work. We text each other throughout the day, and know that something is wrong with our phone network if we don't hear from the other within 3 hours. After my daughter is in bed, we spend the rest of the evening on Skype. We are not in contact out of possessiveness, but because we are doing everything we can to share in each other's lives from the distance we are. When there is a weird vibe, we MUST talk about it. Sometimes it's something I have been reluctant to say, sometimes it's just the stress of the day, sometimes his ex is making trouble for him. But we talk about it openly, because in an LDR there is no room for playing games and fussing around. There are still character traits and leftover baggage that has to be dealt with, but we work on it together as part of our relationship. He and I have discovered just how wonderful it feels to grow and become a better person with and because of someone else. But if you and she are not both committed to this level of a relationship, the best you can hope for is a nice friendship. The impression I get from my one experience with long distance relationships is that they are not for the faint of heart. This has been quite a challenge for me, and I am hoping I have the right stuff to make it through successfully, because the end goal is to be together permanently. We just need to take care of all the loose ends and plan well before that can happen. To quote lolcats, LDRs r srs bsns. Good luck
carvidep Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 well, we've only met online.. keep chatting for a long time.. had really good conversations going on.. have similar ideas ...I really like her.. we've exchanged a few gifts. its now almost 6 months. now, the Questions is, should I ask her out. She is still single. BUT she is 2000 miles away I could make the trip once.. but not sure if this is going to help either of us. but it bothers me so much, if I am passing on something that might be good. Please give your views on this. I hope you're still in touch with this girl. Or even better, dating her! This sounds pretty similar to my situation. I became pretty good friends with a guy who lives across the ocean via a language sharing website. It was strictly a learning opportunity in my eyes. Then I studied abroad in his country and we met up for one afternoon as friends. Since then we've talked more and more and our friendship grew even stronger. For a good 3 and a half months after that meeting I grew a big crush on him and thought it was the dumbest thing because of the distance. Then one night, as I was finishing writing him my daily e-mail to receive at work in the morning, I received one from him! It was a drunk (he says only slightly tipsy) e-mail in which he confessed his feelings for me, which were basically exactly how I'd felt about him all that time! After that we spent a good while pointing out all of the little signs we tried to give each other in the past that we both missed. It was really fun! and it still is!! Now we "see" each other almost every day on skype, and we're planning to meet at a halfway point and see if we have that same chemistry in person. We've both agreed that if it's not there, we'll never lose each other as good friends. So if you haven't already, I say tell her!! She could be sitting on the other end of the phone line pining over you and you'd never know it because she's just as nervous as you are.
Author gandalf_gray Posted April 6, 2009 Author Posted April 6, 2009 I thank everyone for your opinions... well, I couldn't bear the debate raging in my head, so I asked her out.. now: she didn't say yes or no. she has asked how it is possible to go out - when we are 1000 miles away. duh. does this mean she is politely refusing ?
KikiW Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 She just may never have considered long distance relationships. Just say, hey I really like you. Long distance relationships can be tough so I'd understand if you weren't interested in exploring one, but I thought I would take a shot. Then see what she says
Island Girl Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 She just may never have considered long distance relationships. Just say, hey I really like you. Long distance relationships can be tough so I'd understand if you weren't interested in exploring one, but I thought I would take a shot. Then see what she says Absolutely perfect. OP - Love is always a risk. There never is a guarantee. But if you find a person that is a possibility and you are single and looking than why not find out where it goes? It just may be everything you hope for and more.
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