How would a professional me?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I've been told more than a few times on here that I need professional help. I am a serial cheater who has never had to face any consequences. I'm good at lying about it.

 

So if I could find the time to find a counsellor and go to appointments, what exactly would this person do to help me?

 

I have gone before, during my marriage breakup, I went alone to help me get through it. I guess it didn't help really in the long run.

 

Would an effective counsellor just talk and ask questions? Give me exercises in personal growth? Has anyone been through extensive counselling like this? The small city I live in doesn't have alot to choose from.

[era]

According to your profile you are in Canada.

 

Why not see a psychiatrist?...it's all covered by the Medical Services Plan, and all meds prescribed by a psychiatrist are fully covered by "Plan G".

 

The sessions are indepth and you need to honest, don't hold anything back.

[Just Angel]

in my experience- a good therapist helps you discover the answers as well the questions.

They are sounding boards for your thoughts/fears/desires, etc.

Without judgement, they offer insight to what you've got going on 'behind the scenes'.

They help you uncover self-defeating/destructive behaviors, attitudes, thoughts and give you tools to overcome them.

 

In your particular situation, the therapist would help you look at life experiences that has caused you to feel that this is acceptable behavior.

Help you see what you are subconciously gaining or trying to gain and how you can achieve the same in a healthy way.

 

Together you would look at your underlying views on women, what it means to be a man, what healthy relationships look like. etc.

 

Brutal honesty with yourself and your therapist is paramont in how successful this is.

Hope this helps.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Yes it would be covered by insurance. I've had counselling on 3 occasions. Twice was marriage counselling. The first time was a man and my H at the time and I decided it was a joke and laughed for the first time in months, and all was good.

 

It didn't last, because we didn't resolve anything. Then we went back after separating (the first time we separated). This time it was a woman. She was good. She talked to us as a couple, and individually. I was fooling around, and I told her this. We ended up deciding to "date" again, and within 3 months we reconciled and it was all good. But again, the same old issues came up again.

 

When we decided to end the marriage, I decided to go online and browse some dating sites. I met someone, of course, and was disgusted with myself for not waiting, so I went for counselling again. Psychotherapy was written on the forms. I told her everything. Basically she helped me get through the separation, then the breakup with my fling, which was fine, and she figured it was what I needed to help get me out of the marriage.

 

I was in a different place back then (almost 5 yrs ago). It was dark and lonely. My exH is a good man, but as I've said before we didn't communicate at all, and resentment built. I've carried alot of guilt for my actions even though the therapist seems to think I was justified.

 

So I guess I don't really believe any kind of therapy would help. I'm not cheating right now... I'm seeing a married man. I feel guilty and selfish. I hope it turns out good.

 

So what kind of tools would a therapist/psychiatrist get me to try?

[flash582]

I've been told more than a few times on here that I need professional help. I am a serial cheater who has never had to face any consequences. I'm good at lying about it.

 

So if I could find the time to find a counsellor and go to appointments, what exactly would this person do to help me?

 

I have gone before, during my marriage breakup, I went alone to help me get through it. I guess it didn't help really in the long run.

 

Would an effective counsellor just talk and ask questions? Give me exercises in personal growth? Has anyone been through extensive counselling like this? The small city I live in doesn't have alot to choose from.

 

Have you tried AA? Addiction comes in many forms.

[Trialbyfire]

There's nothing that anyone can do for you, professional or otherwise, unless you make the choice to change. Feeling crappy doesn't change a thing.

[Just Angel]

So I guess I don't really believe any kind of therapy would help. I'm not cheating right now... I'm seeing a married man. I feel guilty and selfish. I hope it turns out good.

 

 

Wont work if you dont believe in it. You're last statement caused me to instantly think:

Why do you put yourself in self-defeating relationships?

or ones with unavailable (emotionally or otherwise) men?

You know this relationship wont turn out good, and maybe thats why you chose it. On the off chance he'll leave his wife for you, then you're with a guy with so little values, one who cheats and lies, and probably has a ton of baggage. But, I suspect that you really just enjoy the drama and tension and the high.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I am into intensity, and I love attention. What is so wrong with that? Why do I have to dig deep into my past to find out where it comes from?

 

Self-defeating, sometimes. I think what happens is I settle too often for less than what I am really looking for. I am impatient and jump into relationships, and I have a hard time saying no.

 

Maybe it's the time of year. My track record shows ending relationships in the spring.

 

AA? What exactly am I addicted to?

[Trialbyfire]

I'm uncertain what you're looking for MWC. You know what you're doing as a serial cheater turned OW isn't a healthy lifestyle. You know you don't want to change. So what are you looking for, from LS members? More validation? Don't you get enough?

[Just Angel]

Addicted to the high of intense relationships, new ones, drama and tension in general would be my guess.

 

If you are ok with this about yourself,then thats your choice and everyone else can get bent.

BUT, Id be upfront with new partners that you dont want long term/serious monogomous relationships. That way you arent harming anyone else.

Another (some would agrue to be) a healthy option would be for you to get involved in high intensity activities like sky diving, kick boxing, etc.

[D-Lish]

I am into intensity, and I love attention. What is so wrong with that? Why do I have to dig deep into my past to find out where it comes from?

 

Self-defeating, sometimes. I think what happens is I settle too often for less than what I am really looking for. I am impatient and jump into relationships, and I have a hard time saying no.

 

If that's what you're into and you don't want to change, why bother with therapy?

 

Therapy is a lot of self exploration- if that's not something you want to get into- it won't help you.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Nooo I am definitely not into self exploration, or answering questions where I have to dig too deep. I'm not a deep thinker.

 

I was reading a spiritual self help book about overcoming adversity, and at the end of each chapter was a list of questions that really frustrated me. More than likely because it was 11pm and I wanted to sleep, not think.

 

Extreme sports aren't my thing - I keep active and fit with some slower sports (still intense and very competitive though!)

 

heh i'll survive.

[era]

Nooo I am definitely not into self exploration, or answering questions where I have to dig too deep. I'm not a deep thinker.

 

Well, whatever then....

 

Keep doing what you want to do.

 

Good luck

[flash582]

 

AA? What exactly am I addicted to?

 

The word Addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user him self to his or hers individual's health, mental state or social life.

 

Wikipedia