stepka Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 So I got on this computer dating site and not much was happening--several messages from men on the other side of the world, but not much from home here until I started talking to this really nice looking 29 yo man who just happens to be brilliant and we have much in common and the letters have been wonderful--he's sending me poetry for heaven's sake and talking a lot on yahoo messenger and now we have a date for next week, but oh my. Can he be serious or am I being set up to be a fool? I'm old enough to be his mother and I'm scared to death that he will take one look at me and think I look like his 8th grade science teacher or something. I told him I'm not a cougar, but does this make me one? I never even considered going out with anyone that young until I met this one, and I'm getting so caught up in it that I'm really afraid I'm going to get hurt. Help! If we hit it off should I invite him to help me celebrate my 50th b-day next month?
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 LOL...you know, the way you tell the story, you make it out to sound incredibly ridiculous. I think that's unfortunate. You never know what could come of this - who knows? Give it a shot. He knows how old you are from the dating site, I would assume. I would also guess that he's seen your pic. So quit being so hard on yourself. He could be perfectly normal - just saw something in you that he really liked. Give him a shot. You'll have a much better grasp of what's going on once you've been out with him at least once.
Author stepka Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Well you're right and wild horses wouldn't keep me from going at this point--I didn't lie about my age--It's just that I don't know of many cases of this working out. I'm not getting any purtier, but then I'm not looking to get remarried right now either--I'm only just getting back out into dating after a 25 year hiatus. He will be fun though he sounds like he'd be shy and I am a bit too--but in his letters he says anything he wants and he's quite amusing. So we'll see. I'm just afraid of being made a fool of, though he seems very sincere.
boldjack Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My advice is ......DO IT!!! If he makes a fool of you ......hey....happens to all of us. If it works out great if it don't, you had a good time and have some new memories. Good luck
xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 The whole " cougar" phenomenon was made famous by Hollywood, but it shouldn't in any way hinder you from dating men whom you think and find " age inappropriate". Life shouldn't be wasted on restrictions like numbers rather, on how much fun you can have with new and interesting people.
wonderifshelikesme Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm only 23 but I can say that he may genuinely be interested. It's very intriguing for younger men, I promise. If he has taken the time to write the messages, obviously that means he put thought into it and it means something. What do you have to lose by meeting up anyways? Think like a guy--if he doesn't like you, something is probably wrong with him anyways =)
shockandawed Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Stepka, I am not going to rain on your parade and I sincerely hope that he is everything you envision. I also encourage you to explore this. Of course there is the but. Please do so with open eyes and caution. You have been out of the dating world for a long time. You have little to no experience with people online. There are numerous cases where people have played upon people in these situations, make them feel loved, only to clean them out emotionally and financially. There are ways you can check him out without him realizing it. I assume you know his full name by now. Search him on both myspace and facebook and see if you can find his profile. Being artistic and 29, I am almost certain he has one. I would also google his name. When speaking with him, make notes about certain things he says about his life. In another conversation, steer it back to those things and see if he stays consistent. I strongly encourage you when you do meet him, do so in a very public place such as Starbucks. I wouldn't worry about future dates until you have at least met him. You may find yourself not interested. I am not trying to scare you or sound paranoid. Like I said, I hope his intentions are true and nothing but the best for you. If you take it slow and with a little common sense, you will be able to determine what is in fact there.
2sure Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 You know what? Say the hell with the reasons and go - for the fun of it. You are old enough to recognize if on the date, you are being played or manipulated....and old enough to laugh at it if that is the case! It sounds like you two will have fun and good conversation regardless of whether or not there is a second date.
bean1 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 You haven't met him yet and you are already wanting to invite him to your birthday next month. It sounds like you are overly invested in this point. Just go for a coffee and get to know him. Do not look so far into the future, as online dating is extremely casual. He is likely talking to/dating other women as well. That being said, my BS meter bursts off the radar here. Whenever a man sends poetry to a woman online, especially one he has never met, proceed with caution.
loveslife Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I really hate to say this but I think this guy is playing a game with you. Do what some of the others have said and check him out. It's what I do when I meet someone. And it's not paranoia, it's good common sense. Like if I met a guy in a bar I'd take his number and check that there is a phone listing for him and an address. Nowadays, people use their cells so you can't do that. But you can make sure he's listed at his place of employment. And bring up things he says again to make sure he's being consistent. The one time I responded to an ad on craigslist the guy overwhelmed me with emails, told me he was at his "country place" and gave me the phone number. He then begged me to call him. I said not today. Later I checked the phone listing and it was in the name of a woman. I asked him about this in an email and never heard from him again. Sending a girl you've just met online poetry makes me think this is his MO. Guys have done that for me before and it really was BS. All that said, it could very well be legit and wonderful. But go slow and be careful. There are lots of wonderful people out there but there are also a lot of horrible ones.
Author stepka Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 You haven't met him yet and you are already wanting to invite him to your birthday next month. It sounds like you are overly invested in this point. Just go for a coffee and get to know him. Do not look so far into the future, as online dating is extremely casual. He is likely talking to/dating other women as well. I'm sorry bean, I was just making a joke about that--I'm not that optimistic, but the warning about being overly invested is well taken--I have to be careful to not build up too high of expectations, b/c surely I will be let down if I do. I guess my biggest concern is that he will turn out to be some kind of guy who preys on the cougars for the financial and other benefits--that would really bum me out. Some of my concerns are in the category of "if it sounds too good to be true. . ." I mean, this man is really handsome, and I honestly don't know how I look anymore--i get appreciative glances from men a lot more than I did when I wore a wedding ring and didn't wear much makeup, but really, a man that looks this good? Of course, he may not look like his pic anyway. I did a google search and looked him up on casenet, but no red flags there.
shockandawed Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Have you tried facebook or myspace? Like I said earlier, I can't imagine any artistic 29 year old not having both. If you aren't sure how, you can PM me his name and I will be happy to do it for you.
Author stepka Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Sorry shock, I meant to mention that I did find him on facebook, but his account is only open to friends and I don't have an account, but a google search of his name pulled up the fact that he is on facebook and that was his name on there.
loser101 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 the truth of the matter is, you haven't met him yet, you two have only been chatting online, neither of you have any idea what the other person is like. maybe he won't like you when you meet, maybe you won't like HIM when you meet. maybe you will hit it off. there is absolutely no way you can tell anything at the moment, go for it and find out. he will be quite different from how you imagine him though, I can guarantee that.
yeex Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 he will be quite different from how you imagine him though, I can guarantee that. Yes, this is how it is in my experience with online dating. That is why it is better to meet them sooner than later so you do not get overly excited with a fantasy. It does not matter if you click via emails, in person it will be different. Who knows, maybe it will be for the better though. Always a possibility.
Author stepka Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Well I went out with him last night and he is a sweetheart--very, very shy, but I find that an endearing quality in a man. He seems to like me too, so we'll see what happens next.
yeex Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Cool, congrats on it not being a disaster. haha. .. Good luck with it.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Score! I hope this turns out well for both of you!
Author stepka Posted April 9, 2009 Author Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks, I don't see much future in it, but i'm not yet looking for the next Mr. stepka. I mean, he hasn't had his children yet.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 Thanks, I don't see much future in it, but i'm not yet looking for the next Mr. stepka. I mean, he hasn't had his children yet. Dude... he may not even want them! Bottom line is that he finds you attractive. That has to mean something... right?
Author stepka Posted April 10, 2009 Author Posted April 10, 2009 Bottom line is that he finds you attractive. That has to mean something... right? Yep, there is that--he was definitely attracted--I didn't get one goodnight kiss, I got 8 I think.
BlueHarvest Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Anyone else find it ironic that half the people on the first page of posting were saying that Men online are creeps and will "clean you out emotionally and financially", etc, etc. And yet here we are ....all people who obviously have no issues with posting online. You would think people who use an online relationship site would be more open to others who use online dating sites...
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