justme2781 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 sooo i am dating a man who is 44 (45 in nov) and i will be 28 in april. he has two kids and is separated. i have never dated anyone as old as he or with kids so any advice is much apreciated. what do you ghuys think about having kids when you are in your 40s?? if you are a man. he said he would if i wanted one, but i wouldnt be ready for a coule years!! what do you guys think? every thing is going great other than that though!! lol
boldjack Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 If there is that much of an age differential, then you will always be having issues like this. For a man to father children at his age is not a good or mature idea. If you wait 2 years, then he will be in his 60"s or older when your child is out of high school. To be a parent takes a lot of energy from a person and I don't think it's wise to do it this late in life.
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 . For a man to father children at his age is not a good or mature idea. . Our prime minister didn't have his first kid till into his 50's. I find that statement a bit silly really. OP, I don't have an issue with the age, I have an issue with the fact that you've been dating a month and he's got 2 kids already! Slow it down, please!
Jersey Shortie Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 You're asking about kids? Where you able to resolve your other issues with him yet? they are NOT going to get better and thinking about children before addressing those issues is horribly selfish for any future children.
boldjack Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Commit, I'm not at all concerned about your PM. Men, who father children at such an advanced age, usually aren't doing it for their spouse, because SHE will be doing almost all of the raising. They are doing it as an ego boost, a proof of virility. My dad played with me ,showed me how to play sports, took me hunting and fishing, wrestled with me on the floor, because he was young enough to keep up with a child. I suppose maybe your PM could hire someone to play with his kid(s), and teach them about life. The real question is, is it good for the child?
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Commit, I'm not at all concerned about your PM. Men, who father children at such an advanced age, usually aren't doing it for their spouse, because SHE will be doing almost all of the raising. They are doing it as an ego boost, a proof of virility. Are you excluding men who haven't already had children from your assertion that it's not a good idea for men of that age to have children? Are they omitted from the proof of virility/ego boost motivation? Or is this a blanket rule about older men? - not fit for parenting
Author justme2781 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 well he brought it up because we are getting fairly serious and i personally wanted to know if having another child was a dealbreaker for him, not that we are ready to have them but its an important question to have resolved off the bat. they have a separation agreement which is to be the divocre agreement which will go into effect this year, they have to be living apart for a certain period of time. i do not think the wife is an issue. i just have to try and figure ot if the age diff will matter to me in a few years, it does not but you know.
prettybaby Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Commit, I'm not at all concerned about your PM. Men, who father children at such an advanced age, usually aren't doing it for their spouse, because SHE will be doing almost all of the raising. They are doing it as an ego boost, a proof of virility. My dad played with me ,showed me how to play sports, took me hunting and fishing, wrestled with me on the floor, because he was young enough to keep up with a child. I suppose maybe your PM could hire someone to play with his kid(s), and teach them about life. The real question is, is it good for the child? What the hell? There is so much nonsense in this post, I don't even know where to start. A lot of men have kids later on in life and are great devoted fathers who can definitely keep up. It sounds more like you're relating to a personal experience and generalizing based on that. Let's stick to the OP's issue here, because this whole debate isn't helping her one bit. Plus, read again: the guy is in his 40's, not his 60's OP: slow down. You haven't been together that long and you're already talking about kids. I'm not too concerned about the age difference, but rather the fact that he already has 2 other children with someone else.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 sooo i am dating a man who is 44 (45 in nov) and i will be 28 in april. he has two kids and is separated. i have never dated anyone as old as he or with kids so any advice is much apreciated. what do you ghuys think about having kids when you are in your 40s?? if you are a man. he said he would if i wanted one, but i wouldnt be ready for a coule years!! what do you guys think? every thing is going great other than that though!! lol Well it all makes sense in a couple of ways: Men, when polled about the ideal age for women they would want to date, had an average response that equated to "half his own age plus seven years" Oh, and one more thing, a recent study showed that children of 'older' men have lower IQ's, on average, than the offspring of men who were younger when their children were born.
Author justme2781 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 ok so what were the controls of that experiemnt?? were the same two parents used EVER?? most men have their children before 40 maing the pool of children born to older men much much smaller, total bunk unless in all cases teh parents were the same and in that case you could blame it on the older mom. obviously this isnt the ideal situation but dumb storied like that mean nothing to me. there is also one that says older men with younger women produce longer living kids. hmmmm. lol
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I was married to a man 15 years older than me. He had 5 kids from a previous marriage. He agreed to have kids with me because it was what I wanted - we just never got pregnant (thank God, now). His age didn't bother me - re:when he had kids - and it didn't bother him, either. As long as your life goals line up, I don't see the problem.
boldjack Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 2781 Bottom line. If YOU want kids by all means do so, but when they are in their teens and their Dad is in his 50-60's, just don't expect much help from him. He already has kids and while he may be devoted to you and his child, he will in all probability not be able to keep up with the rigors of raising an active teenager. Commit, From personal experience, I would say it is a blanket rule with RARE exceptions. Prettybaby, Yes, I have experience with this issue. I have had to raise two children(not my Own) because their father wasn't up to the job.
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Commit, I'm not at all concerned about your PM. Men, who father children at such an advanced age, usually aren't doing it for their spouse, because SHE will be doing almost all of the raising. They are doing it as an ego boost, a proof of virility. My dad played with me ,showed me how to play sports, took me hunting and fishing, wrestled with me on the floor, because he was young enough to keep up with a child. I suppose maybe your PM could hire someone to play with his kid(s), and teach them about life. The real question is, is it good for the child? You haven't a clue to why men have children at a later age.. My son is one year old and I'm about to turn 46.. It isn't selfish.. in fact it is the opposite.. I became a father because I was ready to and I knew that I wanted to give a child the love I had inside of me... In my previous marriage my wife was infertile and couldn't have children and when I found myself in love and married again it just felt right... For the record... my father was about 26 when he had me and he didn't play with me, or fish with me or show me how to play sports.. I turned out just fine... He was in my life though.. and he loved me.. Being a father has much more than showing your child how to throw a baseball...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Older men can bring security and maturity into a relationship, but it doesn't make them slightly mature, because they're trying to fight nature. Take a look at Hugh Hefner, he dated so women in their 20's and dumped them when they're 30; as well as fathering two children and not actually raising them speaks volume. It's okay to date older men especially those with children, but if you were to consider marriage they're not the ultimate choice because they're more unlikely to want to settle down and start another family.
boldjack Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Art, I wish you good luck with your family, but you ARE an exception. I have raised 2 girls and 4 boys and know what kind of energy it takes. Most of the posters aren't thinking of the kids. You are right being a father is MUCH more than showing him how to throw a baseball. But what if he WANTS to throw a baseball? It's MUch more than teaching him how to fish. But what if he wants to fish? Most people feel that love and concern and money are all it takes to be a parent. It takes a Lot of HARD WORK. To be a good parent, you have to be comforter, teacher, judge,coach,friend,investigator,supplier,doctor and just about anything else you can mention. So I will stand by my post. Older men shouldn't have children, Unless they are exceptionally healthy and able people.
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Art, I wish you good luck with your family, but you ARE an exception. I have raised 2 girls and 4 boys and know what kind of energy it takes. Thanks.. I hope so.. My little boy is so much fun, as far as you raising 6 kids.. wow.. I have 1 brother and 4 sisters so I can understand the kind of energy you are speaking of... you are a person to be respected for having so many children. You are right about getting older and being slower and if I had more than 1 child I could see it being more of an issue or if we had twins it might have been a little rougher. As it is now 1 is enough and I won't have any trouble being there for him while being raised.. I will say though that the PED said something when we first took him there and that was that older parents are much easier going and much calmer parents to watch raise children as they are already settled in their lives and with all the life lessons already learned they can adapt to parenting much easier than someone who is still a child in many ways. Cheers..
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