Author wierdmunky Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Chin up, you can do it! How you resolve will tell you how viable the relationship is. I recall one guy who I had a thing with. Nothing ever got resolved, EVER! It was an exercise in pure futility. With my fiancé, although we've fought, he great at de-escalating and negotiating. His way is to create a win-win, something that's good for the relationship, not just him. He also doesn't roll over all the time. Sometimes I do, sometimes he does. We're both vocal people so it works incredibly well! Nary a resentment. Oh well good, that something to look fwd to then, at least I will get to KNOW, and that sounds like such a healthy relationship , congrats again
Author wierdmunky Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Have what result? I am really confused now.... The him backing away part
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Oh well good, that something to look fwd to then, at least I will get to KNOW, and that sounds like such a healthy relationship , congrats again Yes you will! When you start to talk about it, don't back him into a corner unless you're prepared to walk and stick to it. Give him some room to maneuver, within reason. Okay? Thanks.
pollywag Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 The him backing away part :laugh: Ohhhhhh, ok got it!! :laugh: Sorry that turned into the twillight zone there for a bit.... I think it's because of what I mentioned, it's a text so it's easier for him to dismiss it. Especially since you both come from having histories of fighting a lot in other relationships (I think you did say that here correct?) so he is probably non-confrontational to the max. His idea of having a healthy relationship is probably avoiding any sort of conflict at all costs? But communication doesn't have to end in conflict or a fight though maybe that is his experience with his ex and she would jump all over him all the time and they could not resolve anything so now he thinks the same will happen here.
Author wierdmunky Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Yes you will! When you start to talk about it, don't back him into a corner unless you're prepared to walk and stick to it. Give him some room to maneuver, within reason. Okay? Thanks. Okae that works, I'll try not to completely take over the situation, get my feelings out, and then the rest is up to him.
Author wierdmunky Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 :laugh: Ohhhhhh, ok got it!! :laugh: Sorry that turned into the twillight zone there for a bit.... I think it's because of what I mentioned, it's a text so it's easier for him to dismiss it. Especially since you both come from having histories of fighting a lot in other relationships (I think you did say that here correct?) so he is probably non-confrontational to the max. His idea of having a healthy relationship is probably avoiding any sort of conflict at all costs? But communication doesn't have to end in conflict or a fight though maybe that is his experience with his ex and she would jump all over him all the time and they could not resolve anything so now he thinks the same will happen here. no worries Yeah I think so too, and it doesn't help I'm the same way so were both avoiding it, I will def try to change his way of thinking when it comes to that!
pollywag Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 no worries Yeah I think so too, and it doesn't help I'm the same way so were both avoiding it, I will def try to change his way of thinking when it comes to that! I'm glad you came to that conclusion on your own, I was going to mentione that. You are both to blame here for the avoidant behaviour. Don't fall into a pattern of avoidance this is how people become "roomates" and live under the same roof.
prettybaby Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 if you have gone a full year without fighting, then you don't communicate well. That is such BS
The Collector Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I thought the thread was titled 'fist fights.' Had some killer tips ready. Oh well. People fight in the early stages of relationships to check each other out, see how they react under pressure, resolve differences, it's all normal. Good conflict resolution involves understanding and forgiveness. If you fight all the time, try and learn how to discuss issues in a calm, mutually supportive manner, mmkay.
johan Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 That is such BS From the girl who can't keep a relationship together...
mehim Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 first of all just texting to try to get a conversation going is WRONG all by itself. you shouldnt even be texting so much, its soooo misleading. try to avoid it as much as you can. fighting is a healthy thing in a relationship, its good to have some different point of veiws. and you shouldnt ask about chemistry or whatever it is you want to know, you should know that already, if you dont feel it then he doesnt, so simpley its not there.
prettybaby Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 From the girl who can't keep a relationship together... You must have me confused with someone else. I'm 26, have been with the same person for 5 years which ended last year on good terms (no fights involved), and am now with someone who I've been dating since the beginning of December - so that's almost 5 months now) and who is moving into the long term potential zone. So I have no idea where your comment comes from.
sand26 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 That's kind of what I was thinking. BF and I have only been together 2 1/2 months, met 5 months ago and we've already had a supposed "fight." I find it odd to have absolutely no fights - like there's a lack of passion in the relationship. "lack of passion". hm, you sound like you need a better example of what a loving relationship is, fighting does not equal passion, it equals dysfunction. Fighting is a waste of time and only is sought after by those who have no greater purpose and those who are bored. BE HEALTHY!!! Try not making everything a fight over your self worth and ego!
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