robaday Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Has anyone else had the realization (I'm at 6 months) that a break up was in a bittersweet way the best thing that ever happened to you? I used to think she was so much better than me. I used to be jealous of her confidence. I used to be jealous of the way she could chase what she wanted in life and wouldn't let anything stand in her way. I used to admire her friends, her social group, her traveling, her intelligence, her exotic interests. Which really says a great deal more about me than her. After 6 months, I have traveled around 5 countries. I have moved all the way across the world and started a new life. I have more friends after 6 months than I did back home. I’ve given presentations in front of high ranking CEO’s, I have looked at myself in the mirror for the first time, and was offered a modeling contract recently. I am writing my first novel. I count extremely beautiful women as some of my closest friends (my interactions with women in the past were torrid drunken one night stands). I was terrified of heights so I jumped out of a plane. I have hardly ever dived so I did my Padi in the great barrier reef. I nearly od’d on crystal meth (after the break up) and now I am starting a training course to be a drugs counselor. I have re-evaluated what I want from life and bizarrely it does not involve a relationship-the very idea is not something I would persue (she ended it because she didn’t want a relationship). I am given free entry to quality club nights, I’m learning how to dj. So in certain respects the break-up is the best thing that ever happened to me. all the qualities I admired in my ex, I had inside me, but I was so lacking in confidence (and suffering from terrible self-esteem) that she had become my everything. I thought being with her, I didn’t need these things for myself. How things change. She’s now in a relationship. After 6 months I realize I can offer women a great deal of value, rather than just being a bit of a piss head and drug user. I was so shy, I would stutter around her. Now I can just about talk to anyone without any fear. It is bittersweet of course, because I can’t help thinking if I’d been like this back then then things would have had a good chance at working out. BUT, I am getting to the point where I am grateful for the experience, and I should think in the future I will look back on this as the most important 6 months of my life. I will cringe sure, about begging her for another chance, sending cheesy texts, and calling her constantly. But thanks to this forum, I now know not to do all that again and how to better manage my own emotions. So thanks everyone. I’ve learnt a great deal from this site and hopefully this can be inspirational as well. Bizarrely she actually suggesting meeting up the other day after not speaking for 4 months. I deleted the message, some things are best left in the past.
Ronni_W Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I can’t help thinking if I’d been like this back then then things would have had a good chance at working out. You NEEDED that to be like this, is the truth of it. What you have now, you did not have back then...and you have it now BECAUSE of all the crap from the last 6 to 12 months. It's almost like mathematics. So, if "1 + 1 = 2" is bittersweet, then yeah...it is bittersweet
famke Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 wow.. just wow. what a succes-story. I feel the same way, and I think a lot of us do: you needed this breakup. I did too.. It changed me big time. But still I feel this hurt. I still can't cope with the fact that someone hurt me like that. And I still can't cope with the fact that I let someone hurt me like that. the fact that my selfesteem was so low that I still wanted to be with them. Good luck to you!
the_b Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Great stuff....just really great stuff!! :) Inspiration for all!!! :)
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