LovieDove24 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Ok, I'm having a bad week. I've been cooped up inside my house for days on end, sick with a cold and now my 10 month old daughter is getting one too. Just peachy. Anyways, thats just a prelude to why I'm feeling so low.... The real reason I'm posting is cause could really use some perspective on my relationship history. I am 24 years old, and have had one long term relationship. We dated for over three years from when I was 18 to 21. We loved each other, but we were terrible together: jealous, controlling, cheating...all kinds of garbage. Since I've dated him I have had about five other relationships lasting only for about one month to four months a piece. And in ALL of these relationships, the men up and left without a word. It has always been utter abandonment and really does a number on my psyche. For example, one of my boyfriends of three months just stopped calling me. I called him multiple times and about two weeks later he called to say he just "wasn't feelin it" anymore. Another boyfriend left me when I was two months pregnant, if that isn't the epitome of abandonment, I don't know what is. Now the last boyfriend (whom I've posted on here about) said he would call me on a certain day and never did. I didn't pester him about it, I just sent him one email saying "Are you alive, we should talk how are you?" And I never heard back from him, ever. I feel like I can't sustain a long term relationship. I know I'm very charming...9 times out of 10 get asked on a second date. But something must be really wrong with me and it must be showing after only a couple months. The problem is, I have no idea what it is. Maybe Im subconciously seeking out unavailable men and its not really me at all. All I know is I don't like feeling like this. Someone give me a kick in the pants please.
flash582 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Are you jealous, controlling, cheating? as you stated earlier in your post? Perhaps you keep being drawn to the wrong kind of guy? What do you look for in a guy?
Author LovieDove24 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I do get jealous, sort of...but it was much worse with my first boyfriend. Since then I've done a great deal of soul searching, therapy and also started attending Al-Anon meetings to deal with my alcoholic upbringing. I just don't know what it is. I think I have a tendency to completely freak out when things start getting serious in relationships. I start thinking they're the one, and want to divulge every little detail of myself. I way overthink things because I haven't really had a "model" healthy relationship my whole life. Im not even sure what to look for. On top of that, I want really badly to experience a "soul mate" connection with someone.
flash582 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Lovie, Sounds like you've already got the answers you seek, and you probably knew them all along. Most of the other competitors you have for a suitor may not have children in your age group, unless you're looking for someone quite a bit older than yourself. That limits your choices anyway. Then you should realize that Men don't like it when you change after you get together, they expect you to still be the cute and cool lady they were dating ... from your limited description, you sound as if you recognize that you change your behavior dramatically after you get together. Why? If you become a different person, why would you expect him to stick around? You are no longer the person they fell for .... you become someone else. On top of that, the behavior you describe would scare the bejesus out of any guy! Do you change all the towels to pink and fill up the medicine cabinet with feminine products as soon as you move in together too? You've got to S>L>O>W down girl .... change needs to happen much slower than a couple of months. Lastly ... you need some confidence in yourself .. that would go a LONG way
tkgirl Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I do get jealous, sort of...but it was much worse with my first boyfriend. Since then I've done a great deal of soul searching, therapy and also started attending Al-Anon meetings to deal with my alcoholic upbringing. I just don't know what it is. I think I have a tendency to completely freak out when things start getting serious in relationships. I start thinking they're the one, and want to divulge every little detail of myself. I way overthink things because I haven't really had a "model" healthy relationship my whole life. Im not even sure what to look for. On top of that, I want really badly to experience a "soul mate" connection with someone. it sounds like you might be on a different page with all these guys.. like maybe you are looking for something more serious too quickly instead of letting things progress naturally. Guys can sense "neediness" a mile away and it usually sends them running. Are you coming off a little "needy"? A really good book for you might be "Why Men Love Bitches"... it's all about holding your own in a relationship, loving yourself and all that. And it's pretty funny so... check it out!
Recommended Posts