My intuition was right. I caught my ex-cheating

[LoveAmor]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I just ended a long distance relationship of just 6 weeks. The first 3 weeks were great, we chatted and talked over the phone for hours every day. It was magic. It seemed like we were meant to be together. I was planning to fly in April to meet in person, and if things worked out she was willing to move to my city in June. However, gradually she started to distance. I told her about it, and she said that it was because she was under a lot of stress, because she was unemployed. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Since I loved her, I tried to be patient, and helped her apply for jobs over the internet, and gave her information about how to apply for unemployment and food stamps.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Two weeks later, she stood me up a couple of times, when we supposed to connect in messenger to chat and apply for jobs and unemployment. She gave me some excuses and accused me of being needy and controlling. Because of this argument, we broke up. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I was under a lot of my pain, but I stopped contacting her for 10 days until today. Since she is one of my contacts in MSN, I noticed she posted yesterday a note in a guy’s Hotmail profile saying: “I love you”. This guy lives in the same city she does.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]This action confirmed the gut feeling I had for the last 3 weeks, that something was wrong, and she was not being sincere at all.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]What I believe was happening is that she was playing with both of us. She wanted to have a first and second option, in case one of us did not meet her needs. She probably liked the attention. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]A couple of hours ago, I sent her an e-mail telling her I found out about her lies. I also invited to other guy to contact me, so he knows the truth.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]A few minutes ago, she was in MSN and I told her she was a wh**** and that I was going to expose her with the other guy. She did not defend herself, how could she?,she just kept saying “how do you know, if you not know me.” [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Maybe, it is not a great idea about contacting the other gut, but I am upset about the whole situation. What would you do in my situation?[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Since I do not like cheaters, I am done with her. This was the first and last time I try long distance relationships. It may work for some, but not for me. I am very hurt, but I am glad I know the truth. My instinct, gut feeling, my inner self, God, or whatever it was saved me. It is time to move on.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[Rollercoasterr]

I think that 6 weeks is entirely too short of a time to know if you're meant to be with someone, let alone have them uproot their life and move to be with you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. Even if you were in person with her it'd be way too soon to tell anything. Since you've never met her before, it's completely more unlikely that you actually knew that you were meant to be together. It was probably more along the lines of the excitement of the new relationship, the honeymoon phase. Everyone has it, but you must not confuse it with actual feelings of love, or that it's some great sign from the heavens. A lot of times relationships do turn into true love, happily ever after, and whatnot, but you still need to stay realistic about the whole thing.

 

It sounds to me as if neither you or her were being realistic about this whole mess. In all reality she probably DID think that you were being too needy and too controlling because she wasn't ready for such a serious relationship.

 

One of these days you're going to find a girl that's the perfect match for you in every way possible. When that happens, you'll REALLY know that you're meant for each other, and nothing will tear the two of you apart. You just gotta keep your head up, darlin'.

[LoveAmor]

Rollercoaster:

 

Thanks for your reply. It was a big mistake, I know. I learned from my mistake.

 

The idea of she moving here was hers. She was considering coming here to Florida even sooner, in March, because she was tired of being alone in NY.

 

At the beginning of the relationship, she was the one calling me all the time. I guess I got used to it, and therefore when she no longer did it I missed it.

 

I think I started to become controlling, when she started to miss our daily talks, and gave me lame excuses.

 

However, I take my share of responsiblity of the mess. And, I am also thankful that I caught her red handed with her lies.

[Rollercoasterr]

It's quite easy to get attached and get used to the daily talks. My fiance and I are 1000 miles apart. I'm in Kentucky, and he's in Quebec. We call each other every morning when we wake up, we talk on msn throughout the day while I'm at work and while he's studying or in one of his computer accessible classes at school, and then we talk when he gets home. If we miss any of those talking times we usually get a little grumpy since it's so routine to us. Communication is all we have, and trust me, we love talking to each other. So I dont think that you were being controlling, I think that she just didn't feel as attatched to your conversations as you did. Nothing wrong with that, but she should have been up front from the very beginning.

[LoveAmor]

Rollercoasterr:

 

When she started to say I was needy and controlling, I was confused because if we liked each other, it was normal to want to be in contact often, especially in a long distance relationship. Also, because she will frequently text message me often, and told me to get into the computer to chat.

 

However, I listened to her requests and our contact dimished. But, when she missed our nightly calls a couple of times, something told me it there was something fishy. I do not know what it is, but my intuition has helped me in the past to get 3 girlfriends lying and cheating. I am 40, so have had many relationships in my life. And, by the way my ex was 44.

 

Thanks.