searcher Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Trying so hard to do NC (my husband left 6 weeks ago) and I just called him regarding our children and found he has been on leave form work since last Thursday. He would never normally take time of work. It had been 4 days of NC and I was feeling good about not contacting him over the weekend. Now I feel like crap again wondering what he's been doing. This is the first time in 18 years where I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. I feel like taken a huge step backwards. It feels like torture...How to I get through it??!!
twicebitten Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I DON'T have the answer!!? BUT I had a 15 year marriage & REMEMBER WELL how hard it was for me, as well to go NC!! In my case a bit easier, since he left the state, but still especially with children involved it can be BRUTAL! Just hang in there!! It does, I've heard, get BETTER!! XO
sedgwick Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Why did he leave? Give us some background so we can give you some love.
Author searcher Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 We've been together 18 years. married for 12. Have two girls aged 13 and 8. About 5 months ago my husbands company asked him if he could work in another city on a temporary basis. After about two months of him only coming home on weekends and hardly being around at christmas it started to cause a bit of friction between us. Anyway a couple of weeks after xmas he told me that he wasn't happy with our marriage anymore and didn't think he could see a future for us. He pointed out several things that i had done wrong over the years for example, I didn't appear happy to see him when he got home from work (I have worked full time for our entire marriage except for two 6 month periods of maternity leave and up until now always earnt more maney than him) I didn't show enough apprecition when he fixed things around the house, I didn't initiate sex very often and we didn't have it often enough, I stopped him from seeing his freind (he only has one!) which I did not do. He says he tried talking to me about these things over the years but it had made no difference. Either I had ear plugs in or he was talking to someone else because I can only recall a few conversations about 'intimate relations' issue. So after about two weeks of telling me these things over and over again he stopped coming home on the weekends. I fell apart. He was my best freind. Up until then we had always gotten along reasonabley well with the usual ups and downs of marriage. I nearly had a nervous breakdown and called him all times of the day and night crying down the phone trying to get him to reconsider. I know now that that was a huge mistake. but at the time I felt completely out of control. So after the last six weeks I have been trying to give him is space but every few days or so I seem to get myself into a state and call him. It always seems to make things worse. The thing is I am pretty sure there is no one els at this stage. He has not mentioned divorce yet either. But he does seem to want to just forget about me and get on with his life. I hope this makes sense...there is so much more.
Lucky_One Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Sounds very much as though he is having an affair. Any suspicion of that?
Author searcher Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Everone I have spoken to asks me the same thing so I have given it a lot of thought and also done a bit of snooping. I may be nieve but I'm sure hes isn't having an affair. could it be a mid life crisis, he's 38, is that to young? We've been together since we were 19 & 20.
Lucky_One Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I'm laughing a bit, but not laughing AT you, please understand. I suspect you could, indeed, be very naive. What snooping have you done that makes you think that a man who is living in a different city for five months with limited marital together time would NOT be having an affair? There are an amazing number of ways that an affair can be hidden. It's not a given, but I believe that most men who leave marriages leave because there is someone else waiting in the wings. Most guys don't do well on their own - my XH got married 9 months after our divorce was final, after knowing this girl for 8 months. (I was the one who initiated the divorce, btw) Anyway, I do wish you luck - I am sure that you are going out your mind.
Author searcher Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I'm so annoyed with myself. My curiousity got the better of me and I called him again. I just had to know why he wasn't at work. Why can't I get the hang of this NC stuff. Anyway he was with his friend (his only one!) who is going to Europe tomorrow for good. He had told me that he was going to spend some time with him. I kind of feel better, but then again i don't. For 18 year I though i had one of the good ones. Can people really change that much?
Lucky_One Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 He's gay? Or bi? Because I have really really never heard of a man taking a day or so off work to spend time with another male friend. They had the weekend together - did they really need a Friday, too? Europe isn't that far away, and it isn't that expensive to fly. It ain't like he was never going to see this man again.....
Author searcher Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Gay? definitley not. Bi? OMG I had not even thought about that...feeling slightly ill now. I have never seen any evidence of this. On another note...I went to see a medium last week. She told me that she could see divorce papers and I would be as shocked about getting these as I was about the initial break up. I know alot of people will think i'm crazy but has anyone else had a mdeium or clairvoyant tell them stuff that has or has't come true?
Author searcher Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 How is it that someone can tell you for 18 years how much they love you and how they couldn't live without you and their children and then one day just leave. I don't understand! I need to find out how a person can just appear to change all of a sudden. Is there anyone here who has done that who would share their story?
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