Ilovehim Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 My last posts on this forum have been all about "how can I get him back?"...I gave up on that, went out with my friends and started living my life, felt better...still I have to say Im much better then I was before or heck even last month. I had a talk with my ex last time telling him i forgive him for hurting me, I guess there is no point in holding grudges. Today im having a really bad day. I dont know, I just dont feel happy. I know most of you will say DO NOT DO THIS...well since I have a few of his friends as friends on my facebook, I saw their profiles with all these pics with my ex AGAIN at different parties. I didn't cry. It was just this weird/annoying feeling...it's hard to describe it. I'm logical. I understand. We're over. Have been over for a while now. He has the right to love/have sex/grind/be etc...with whoever he wants. it is HIS life. So this thread is not about "Oh how could he?" I understand we're ex'es and although he promised me the world and treated me like crap afterwards, I forgave him and I know I cannot force somebody to keep their promises, to call me, to care, to be my friend. And although I know that it's "normal" (I guess) for two ex'es to become strangers, it still doesn't make me feel good seeing all those things. It only reaffirms my fears and the fact that he has moved on and is out there living his life. Good or bad--it's HIS and I have no part in it AT ALL. That's what hurts me.Oh God, I feel like I'm about to start crying right now. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much school, work, parties, friends...he is still the one I want to be with but each and every day that passes the distance between us grows and I am the one left to pick up the pieces and not to mention the hurt & confusion. On top of it all I feel PATHETIC for even writing about him, when I barely cross his mind. I wanted to marry him. After all this time, I cant believe this is how it ended. Any support guys? I know I shouldnt look at his friends pages but its like a car crash. And he looks so different now. Like its not the same person anymore.
Author Ilovehim Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 and the thing is that I never knew what went wrong..... How do you take away somethign that means so much to me without an explanation??? I feel sooo sad today!
LakesideDream Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I'm sorry you feel so sad. I can "relate" to your story. I was married 25 years to a gal, raised two children before she walked away to be with her high school boyfriend. When we communicate about our adult children it's almost surreal. I realized some time ago that I was communicating with a stranger, who I loved for over a quarter century. Time helps though. Be patient. Good Luck.
soulseeker Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 ILH, I am going through a very similar situation right now. Ex promised so much and then bailed without a real explanation. Sucks. I too wanted to marry him, and he me, at some point anyway. Who knows why this happens. There probably isnt a reason (that he can give you) that will satisfy your heart, and that's what you have to accept, that you may never get a geniune answer. What we do now is what's best for us, and that is to move on. For me, that means confronting things that remind me of him, and releasing them. It's hard to move on when it feels like that devalues what you had with that person, but it doesnt. Moving on means accepting that it is over, and valuing yourself enough to let it go, for you. You are worth so much more than time wasted on this. Yes, take the time to heal, but dont dwell. Does this mean you wont have bad days? Absolutely not. BUT, you really need to put in the mental effort that it takes to get over someone. Anytime you opitomize that person in your head, correct that thought. You must do this. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. And truly, it becomes a lot easier when you accept that you may never get a decent answer for what happened. <hugs>
Author Ilovehim Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I'm sorry you feel so sad. I can "relate" to your story. I was married 25 years to a gal, raised two children before she walked away to be with her high school boyfriend. When we communicate about our adult children it's almost surreal. I realized some time ago that I was communicating with a stranger, who I loved for over a quarter century. Time helps though. Be patient. Good Luck. wow i am so sorry to hear that. it's crazy how much things change.
Author Ilovehim Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 ILH, I am going through a very similar situation right now. Ex promised so much and then bailed without a real explanation. Sucks. I too wanted to marry him, and he me, at some point anyway. Who knows why this happens. There probably isnt a reason (that he can give you) that will satisfy your heart, and that's what you have to accept, that you may never get a geniune answer. What we do now is what's best for us, and that is to move on. For me, that means confronting things that remind me of him, and releasing them. It's hard to move on when it feels like that devalues what you had with that person, but it doesnt. Moving on means accepting that it is over, and valuing yourself enough to let it go, for you. You are worth so much more than time wasted on this. Yes, take the time to heal, but dont dwell. Does this mean you wont have bad days? Absolutely not. BUT, you really need to put in the mental effort that it takes to get over someone. Anytime you opitomize that person in your head, correct that thought. You must do this. I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. And truly, it becomes a lot easier when you accept that you may never get a decent answer for what happened. <hugs> thank you so much. you are right.
now_what Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I know how you feel. My stbx (as of tomorrow) left me after 30 years of marriage for a biker chick he had known for 2 months. He did not see or speak to me for 4 1/2 months. Our first meeting was awkward, he was driving a car that belonged to someone I didn't know, he was wearing a new ring, he was talking about his new life. It just kind of freaked me out to think the man I had been with since I was 16 years old was living a life I knew nothing about. Right after he left, I did email him and asked him to come back home to try to work on our marriage. He said he was happy with his new path in life and wanted to continue on that path. Anytime I mention how he has hurt me and our daughter, his attitude is that it is no big deal, because he is on his "new path" and it's all about him. Just try to focus on yourself, try not to think about whatever your ex's "issue" may be. You may never know - he probably will never tell you. The problem is his - don't beat yourself up over what happened. People change, do stupid things, do irrational things. You can drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. For some stupid reason, it does make you feel a little better, knowing that what has happened to you has happened to other people.
Recommended Posts