Ever wonder how attractive you really are?

[Ross PK]

Men have been trying to figure out what women want for a 100s of years and they still remain a mystery but how about this for idea?

 

Most women say they want a nice guy because what they are ultimatly saying is they do not want to be taken advantage of. Lets be realistic and ask how many women have said to you "I am attracted to jerks so treat me badly and will probably stick around so please mess with my head!"? But how many women seem to end up dating jerks over the "nice guy"?

 

I think there is a clear difference between nice guys and jerks. A nice guy lives to please everyone around him at all costs, even if means sacrificing his own happiness. Maybe he is too much of a pushover who cant say no to anyone and lets himself get walked on? Maybe he is not a challenge and eventually becomes boring?

 

Now the jerk wears his agenda on his sleave, he is strong, dominant and knows how to prioritize his life...putting himself first. He wont let people walk over him and so he becomes more of a challenge.

 

I think you can be attractive by having these qualities and not being a jerk or "too nice". Its not just about looks at all.

 

You need to make them feel excitment, sexy and turned on rather then bored.

You have to priotitize your life and dont let anyone walk over you and not be afraid to voice your opinion.

You must be a challenge and maintain an element of mystery.

Be spontaneous.

Is a lover and not a son.

But above all you need to be confident!

 

 

Just an idea?!

 

Yeah you're probably right. I guess when women say they want a nice guy, they're not talking about a 'nice guy'.

[reservoirdog1]

I was overweight (not obese, just porky) as a child, until I went on a diet around puberty and slimmed down quite a bit. However, being chubby and unathletic as a kid, especially at a snobby private school where being athletic was highly valued, didn't do my self-confidence any favours.

 

I've gone up and down in terms of weight during my adult life; I definitely look better when I'm slimmer. I would describe myself as pleasant-looking, above average, but certainly no Brad Pitt, George Clooney, etc. I'm balding, but as long as I keep my hair short-ish and well-groomed, it looks okay.

 

What I lack isn't really self-esteem -- I don't go around thinking I'm a failure or worthless. What I lack is confidence in my ability to engage and captivate others when I meet them "cold", especially women. I still suck at walking up to a random woman, flirting, and trying for a number close.

 

Online dating was a real boon for me, due to the lingering self-confidence deficit. This was because by the time I actually met a woman in person, we'd already spoken on the phone and by email and built up a bit of a rapport. Several times, on meeting a woman from online for the first time, I'd be greeted with "wow, you're so much better looking than your photo!" Which I totally understand -- I can probably tolerate only about one in ten photos of myself. And if a woman is mentally prepared to meet a guy she finds attractive to X degree, and it turns out he's actually attractive to X+2 degree, that's a pleasant surprise.

 

Having said that, I've had 17 women in my life who've been attracted enough to me to sleep with me (those are the ones who actually DID so), plus some others I'm aware of who I didn't sleep with, and probably some more I'm not aware of. I've never been the kind of guy who's had to beat women off with a stick, but I agree with somebody above: self-confidence can overcome a lot of deficits in the looks department.

 

And, there's no substitute for just basic chemistry. Sometimes, you just click with somebody, and it's tough to predict who that'll be. And occasionally, you click with somebody really strongly. That was the case about a month and a half ago when I met my current GF. Sparks flew that night and they're still flyin'.

[LoXs]

What I lack isn't really self-esteem -- I don't go around thinking I'm a failure or worthless. What I lack is confidence in my ability to engage and captivate others when I meet them "cold", especially women. I still suck at walking up to a random woman, flirting, and trying for a number close.

 

Isnt it funny how some men have no fear of fighting, parachuting, bungee jumping and even going to war but when it comes to appraoching women they freeze in their tracks, lose all self confidence and their knees start to wobble. What is the power of women? Maybe men in general are too proud to risk rejection? I think the only way to become more confident around women and lose your fear of rejection is practice. Rejection is just a part of the game but it has no bearing on you personally, women are not rejecting YOU, they dont know you. Its just an observation of men in general, men have got the raw deal when it comes to dating!

[burning 4 revenge]

I've got no idea of how attractive I am. In some photo's I look really attractive, others I look really ugly.

 

Same as in the mirror.

Me too!

 

And Ive been called attractive and unattractive by different people so its like you don't really know. I'm quite sure if I was making more than 60k Id be attractive though

[Trialbyfire]

Me too!

 

And Ive been called attractive and unattractive by different people so its like you don't really know. I'm quite sure if I was making more than 60k Id be attractive though

Oh stop it. As if you're not chased all over the site by assorted women!

[burning 4 revenge]

Oh stop it. As if you're not chased all over the site by assorted women!

you should probably change your avatar or boxing and cv0116 will be trying to date you

[Ross PK]

Me too!

 

And Ive been called attractive and unattractive by different people so its like you don't really know. I'm quite sure if I was making more than 60k Id be attractive though

 

That's the kicker about it all, you really don't know who is in your league (who you should go for).

[Trialbyfire]

you should probably change your avatar or boxing and cv0116 will be trying to date you

Not if I add the word "Jewish" in front of Princess.

[burning 4 revenge]

Not if I add the word "Jewish" in front of Princess.

 

...........

[You'reasian]

This is kinda a part of my other series of threads...I'm trying to work on healing the wounds I sustained in my last breakup instead of ignoring them, which obviously hasn't worked.

 

I never used to question how attractive I was, and I also have always acknowledged looks aren't all that matter. Still they're obviously a part and I've been acutely aware lately of how critical people can be (especially in my age group).

 

After my breakup 2 years ago, I feel like I've been all but ignored by women. On top of that, either in a dysmorphic way or in reality, I think I've become less physically attractive. It's been mostly stupid little ways with a few big things. I don't like my profile (i've developed a huge underbite for some reason), I never needed braces but my wisdom teeth came in late and pushed em all out of whack.

 

Worst of all is my balding. It started a year and a half ago and at the rate I'm going, in another year I'll have no hair on my crown and a heavily receded hairline. I'm only 24.

 

I tried plentyoffish.com for dating a while ago and never really took it seriously, though by accident allowed people to rate my photos. On even the best photos of me, people my age only rated me like a 5 on average. WTF!? hehe. Should I care? of course not, do I? Of course. I'm kind of at a loss what to do...."just accepting it" doesn't really appeal to me. Anyone have any advice?

 

Alot of men do bald - no suprise. The more you try to cover it up, unfortunately, the more people will notice it.

 

As for myself -

 

1. I've been described as ugly

2. I've been described as average

3. I've been described as handsome

 

Just depends who'se looking at you. For me its inconsistent - I've had modest looking women tell me I'm average, decent looking women tell me that I'm unnatractive and smokin' hot ones tell me that I'm handsome.

[mental_traveller]

I tried plentyoffish.com for dating a while ago and never really took it seriously, though by accident allowed people to rate my photos. On even the best photos of me, people my age only rated me like a 5 on average. WTF!? hehe.

 

You are annoyed about being rated 5 out of 10? What drugs are you taking buddy. 5 out of ten is the average. By definition, 50% of people are going to be a 5 or lower. You don't get to be higher than 5/10 unless you are more attractive than most people.

[mental_traveller]

Who wants to be just average?

 

I do know I look a lot better in person than in photos. Sometimes I feel like I could just know where I'm at if that's even possible.

 

There's this thing called reality where you don't get to be everything you want. Otherwise I would be a billionaire stuck perpetually at age 25, with Angelina Jolie and her secret twin sister for girlfriends, winning the Nobel prize for pointing out the flaws in Einstein's theories of relativity and winning the UFC championship in my spare time.

 

Grow up!

[mental_traveller]

I've got no idea of how attractive I am. In some photo's I look really attractive, others I look really ugly.

 

Same as in the mirror.

 

I've also never had any interest shown in me from women in real life, and I've been rejected and called ugly quite a few times.

 

Unless you look like a model, having looks as a guy is not that useful. I got little interest from women when I was younger, now I get enough to keep me happy. I certainly didn't get better looking over the last 15 years. So, it's something other than looks that makes the difference.

[CommitmentPhobe]

It's all a vibe

 

You have to earn that vibe though

 

Mental Traveller I disagree about looks not helping, having them at a young age means you get accustomed to the opposite sex quicker which has an influence on your confidence.

[Dazzel]

I have no need to wonder. I already know I'm quite ugly.