Ever wonder how attractive you really are?

March 29, 2009

This is kinda a part of my other series of threads...I'm trying to work on healing the wounds I sustained in my last breakup instead of ignoring them, which obviously hasn't worked.

I never used to question how attractive I was, and I also have always acknowledged looks aren't all that matter. Still they're obviously a part and I've been acutely aware lately of how critical people can be (especially in my age group).

After my breakup 2 years ago, I feel like I've been all but ignored by women. On top of that, either in a dysmorphic way or in reality, I think I've become less physically attractive. It's been mostly stupid little ways with a few big things. I don't like my profile (i've developed a huge underbite for some reason), I never needed braces but my wisdom teeth came in late and pushed em all out of whack.

Worst of all is my balding. It started a year and a half ago and at the rate I'm going, in another year I'll have no hair on my crown and a heavily receded hairline. I'm only 24.

I tried plentyoffish.com for dating a while ago and never really took it seriously, though by accident allowed people to rate my photos. On even the best photos of me, people my age only rated me like a 5 on average. WTF!? hehe. Should I care? of course not, do I? Of course. I'm kind of at a loss what to do...."just accepting it" doesn't really appeal to me. Anyone have any advice?

March 29, 2009

5 means you're, very precisely, average. Most people are average... that's why it's called average. So you're the same as most people, is that a big deal?

March 29, 2009

Who wants to be just average?

I do know I look a lot better in person than in photos. Sometimes I feel like I could just know where I'm at if that's even possible.

March 29, 2009

Eh, I suppose noone would want to be if they had the choice. But regardless, ALL of us are average or even worse in a particular aspect.

I would very objectively rate myself as average in terms of looks and not feel bad about it -- it means that I don't look any better or any worse than most of the female population. I would also objectively rate myself above average in terms of intelligence. I prefer having that to looks.

Even the most beautiful/handsome person in the world would be 'average' in something, be it intelligence, social capability, artistic talent, etc.

March 29, 2009

I think it is possible to freak yourself out if one looks too closely at their physical features. Not healthy. I dont look to others to affirm me because generally people only care about themselves... SO, I have concluded that I might as well consider that I look great! (even though on Loveshack it seems I would be regarded as over the hill at 37).. SO funny! LOL!!

I did feel a bit sorry for you because you sound so miserable right now, but going bald is not the end of the world. Not my cup of tea but the woman who eventually gets who you are will be more concerned about YOU. Anyway, everyone knows that its all about having lovely eyes, a good sense of humour, nice buttocks and sexy man legs! Unless you want one of those superficial women or a woman to boost lacking self esteem at every juncture.

If you do, you are screwed. Years of misery ahead there honey.

Take care,

Eve xx

March 29, 2009

This is kinda a part of my other series of threads...I'm trying to work on healing the wounds I sustained in my last breakup instead of ignoring them, which obviously hasn't worked.

I never used to question how attractive I was, and I also have always acknowledged looks aren't all that matter. Still they're obviously a part and I've been acutely aware lately of how critical people can be (especially in my age group).

After my breakup 2 years ago, I feel like I've been all but ignored by women. On top of that, either in a dysmorphic way or in reality, I think I've become less physically attractive. It's been mostly stupid little ways with a few big things. I don't like my profile (i've developed a huge underbite for some reason), I never needed braces but my wisdom teeth came in late and pushed em all out of whack.

Worst of all is my balding. It started a year and a half ago and at the rate I'm going, in another year I'll have no hair on my crown and a heavily receded hairline. I'm only 24.

I tried plentyoffish.com for dating a while ago and never really took it seriously, though by accident allowed people to rate my photos. On even the best photos of me, people my age only rated me like a 5 on average. WTF!? hehe. Should I care? of course not, do I? Of course. I'm kind of at a loss what to do...."just accepting it" doesn't really appeal to me. Anyone have any advice?

Hey Sock,

I met my current boy off POF - we are getting married next year - but MY gawd I had to go through so many freaks to find a diamond! As for the rate my picture stuff -dont take it seriously! I find that people who rate that stuff generally have unhealthy critical self esteem and project that crap onto others.

After my husband left me I felt hideous, he had left me for stronger, fitter, cuter - so yeah messed me up. The way I tackled it was affirmations every morning - telling myself that I was beautiful and worthy of love - sounds soooo silly but it really worked.

Beauty and ATTITUDE go hand in hand, I met some smoking hot guys that I used as giant vibrators because their attitudes werent worth the time of day, worse ones didnt get anything from me.

As for your crown - shave it down! Start doing it now - it becomes your look - so many men who shave are hot! Own your crown and work with it - dont let it get to you.

Acknowledge the parts of you that are AWESOME and flaunt them - physically and emotionally

March 29, 2009

Hey Sock,

I met my current boy off POF - we are getting married next year - but MY gawd I had to go through so many freaks to find a diamond! As for the rate my picture stuff -dont take it seriously! I find that people who rate that stuff generally have unhealthy critical self esteem and project that crap onto others.

After my husband left me I felt hideous, he had left me for stronger, fitter, cuter - so yeah messed me up. The way I tackled it was affirmations every morning - telling myself that I was beautiful and worthy of love - sounds soooo silly but it really worked.

Beauty and ATTITUDE go hand in hand, I met some smoking hot guys that I used as giant vibrators because their attitudes werent worth the time of day, worse ones didnt get anything from me.

As for your crown - shave it down! Start doing it now - it becomes your look - so many men who shave are hot! Own your crown and work with it - dont let it get to you.

Acknowledge the parts of you that are AWESOME and flaunt them - physically and emotionally

The affirmation thing has some merits, I've done different types of training (and am usually the one giving the advice there) that supports that idea. I just suck at taking my own advice.

Unfortunately I've tried the shaved look and it didn't go well. I spent freshman year of college at a military school and when I got my head shaved noticed how misshapen it is! I have a huge bump on the top from when I cracked my skull open as a baby. My friends affectionately (some not so affectionately) referred to me as "pointy" and "coney."

I'll be joining the USMC though and I'll have to put up with having a shaved head there, so what the hell. I'm also generally not huge on cosmetic surgery but I'll probably get a hair transplantation procedure done when I can afford it.

March 29, 2009

The affirmation thing has some merits, I've done different types of training (and am usually the one giving the advice there) that supports that idea. I just suck at taking my own advice.

Unfortunately I've tried the shaved look and it didn't go well. I spent freshman year of college at a military school and when I got my head shaved noticed how misshapen it is! I have a huge bump on the top from when I cracked my skull open as a baby. My friends affectionately (some not so affectionately) referred to me as "pointy" and "coney."

I'll be joining the USMC though and I'll have to put up with having a shaved head there, so what the hell. I'm also generally not huge on cosmetic surgery but I'll probably get a hair transplantation procedure done when I can afford it.

OWN it!! You know you need to - so just own it and focus on whats good about you (not that i think a shaved dome is a bad trait )

March 29, 2009

I've got no idea of how attractive I am. In some photo's I look really attractive, others I look really ugly.

Same as in the mirror.

I've also never had any interest shown in me from women in real life, and I've been rejected and called ugly quite a few times.

March 29, 2009

See it makes me sad to think anyone would actually call another person ugly based purely on their looks - whats wrong with people?

March 29, 2009

See it makes me sad to think anyone would actually call another person ugly based purely on their looks - whats wrong with people?

What makes me sad is that Ross believed them. Especially as he doesnt seem to have a bad bone in his body and is pretty intelligent.

I remember having my coat pushed into a toilet and **** on because I look different to those who bullied me.

Some people are scum... simple as.

Take care,

Eve xx

March 29, 2009

What makes me sad is that Ross believed them. Especially as he doesnt seem to have a bad bone in his body and is pretty intelligent.

I remember having my coat pushed into a toilet and **** on because I look different to those who bullied me.

Some people are scum... simple as.

Take care,
Eve xx

I'm really sorry that happened.

Some people are horrible, and they deserve everything they get.

March 29, 2009

I've been talking to some girls online - gave em the link to my photo - only to have em say, "Sorry, hun..."

It hurts for a second, but their opinion of my looks is exactly that - an opinion. I hung out with someone last night under the pretense of a date, but I don't think we are really that attracted to each other. DESPITE that, we went and hung out, walked around a cemetery at night, smoked weed, etc.

It was a lot of fun. And it had nothing to do with being attractive or not. And that's what I want. Fun and interesting conversation.

You can have those things, as long as you set aside your insecurities and simply focus on engaging with someone.

March 29, 2009

I'm really sorry that happened.

Some people are horrible, and they deserve everything they get.

Thanks Ross. It doesnt hurt now, but I am sure that experience and many many others contributed to my being scared to leave my house.

School was a living hell. I did manage to beat some of them up though but felt bad because I am not a violent person. The worst thing was that I did not know that I was beautiful until my late teens and even then I had hitched up with a prat who tried to treat me in simular ways to my bullies.

Thankfully, I raised my children to not ever believe anything a bully says and to challenge them. I think its worse to watch a child, especially your child be bullied and believe the **** they say .. than to be bullied yourself. Thank God Schools take notice nowadays. I left school with barely any qualifications because of those twats.

.. But I am beautiful, inside and out and not bitter anymore.

I am glad that you are making steady progress Ross. Life is great! .. **** at times but mostly great once you get a bit of momentum going.

We need as many good people as possible in this world. Please dont say that you look ugly again. You look just like Ross and that is just right.

Do you have any idea how many girls want a good man out there?

Take care,

Eve xx

March 30, 2009

Most girls say they want a good man, but I'm not sure if they really mean it.

March 30, 2009

You can be average in the looks department, but if you carry yourself with confidence, aren't ashamed of your sexuality and are adept at charm and humour, the women will be jumping over the cute but boring guys to get in your pants.

March 31, 2009

Hey Ross...

The most sexy thing to a woman is not your profile, body, full head of hair or being in perfect shape. It is your sense of self confidense. Trust me on this. If you feel comftorable in your own skin you will do fine. I am 40 years old and have always had an issue with weight. I bounce up and down on the scale. I do notice though that ANY time I feel good about myself I get attention from females. No matter what the scale says. (obviously when I am in good shape I get MORE attention but even I have to be self confidant!). When I am in the gym and drop down to an ideal weight I am a very attractive guy...but even when I put the lbs back on I get girls DEPENDING on my OWN STATE OF MIND...The point is that it is all about how you feel about yourself.

Now I know that you are concerned about the hair issue but there are many men that face the same problem. You are most likely feeling awkward about this. Trust me there are girls out there that would prefer that you make them laugh than have a full head of hair. I have seen men that have zero "looks" land the most beautiful and KIND woman based solely on there sense of humour and self worth. Do not worry about the so called good looking men as competition...they have issues as well. Focus on being happy and confident and trust me you will find a great girl! In the mean time do things that improve your self confidense. Go to the gym and work out. In a month you will start to see results and feel good about it and when you start to feel good woman will see this and take notice!!!

Good Luck!

March 31, 2009

Lol, I still have all my hair.

I have gained a lot of weight around the mid section though, I've started weightlifting again regulary, so hopefully that'll get rid of some of it.

March 31, 2009

Hey Ross...

The most sexy thing to a woman is not your profile, body, full head of hair or being in perfect shape. It is your sense of self confidense. Trust me on this. If you feel comftorable in your own skin you will do fine. I am 40 years old and have always had an issue with weight. I bounce up and down on the scale. I do notice though that ANY time I feel good about myself I get attention from females. No matter what the scale says. (obviously when I am in good shape I get MORE attention but even I have to be self confidant!). When I am in the gym and drop down to an ideal weight I am a very attractive guy...but even when I put the lbs back on I get girls DEPENDING on my OWN STATE OF MIND...The point is that it is all about how you feel about yourself.

Now I know that you are concerned about the hair issue but there are many men that face the same problem. You are most likely feeling awkward about this. Trust me there are girls out there that would prefer that you make them laugh than have a full head of hair. I have seen men that have zero "looks" land the most beautiful and KIND woman based solely on there sense of humour and self worth. Do not worry about the so called good looking men as competition...they have issues as well. Focus on being happy and confident and trust me you will find a great girl! In the mean time do things that improve your self confidense. Go to the gym and work out. In a month you will start to see results and feel good about it and when you start to feel good woman will see this and take notice!!!

Good Luck!

Haha, yea I think he was referring to me

March 31, 2009

I think the question that's always in the back of my thoughts is what is it you're really after?

Amy, my ex, is the kind of good-looking that causes traffic accidents.

I'm confident but I'm honest. I'm no stud. I'm less than average size for my build where everyone lies about if size matters. I'm overweight by about 30lbs. I have bad acne on my back.

Amy saw it all, felt it all. She used to say she loved my body. I hated hearing that because it had to be a lie.

April 1, 2009

About a year ago i was talking with this girl, i thought it was going well until one day i overheard her talking to one of her friends about why the nicest guys have to be short or ugly or have some sort of physical flaw. im pretty sure she was talking about me because we had just gone out for lunch and had a great time...but it did hurt, i havent really talked with her since then.

April 1, 2009

Kerfuffle

Honestly people are you really going to let the opinons of people who really wont take the time to get you be the defining factor in your self esteem? Yeah I feel insecure sometimes but then I am reminded that I DONT need these people to make me happy. And yeah when your on the dating scene your package (body) is what sells you but I firmly believe that NOTHING that is meant for you will pass you by.

Do you give girls the same allowances your expecting? Would you dismiss a girl based on her attractiveness - if she was too thin, too fat, too bucked toothed, too hairy or anything??

April 1, 2009

Most girls say they want a good man, but I'm not sure if they really mean it.

I understand your questioning. See, they only say HALF. They want a good man WITH CASH AND POWER AND LOOKS.

But, it truth, MEN are much more into looks, women into power and money. ANd I know some ugly dudes who are real confident that get a ton of chicks.

But, because of being ugly, there is no interest AT FIRST. So if God didn't make you Brad Pitt, you gotta get the bait somewhere else. Earn it, demand it or learn to talk a good game.

But, I must admit, while my opinion of this generation is ANYTHING but positive, there is ONE aspect that they seem to have IMPROVED upon from last generation, and that accepting, romantically, the opposite sex that is different than them. I found that girls seem to find a much wider spectrum of men "hot". 20 years ago, a man with no hair had NO CHANCE of EVER hooking up with an attractive woman. Now, its not so.

Its DEFINATELY easier nowadays to be considered attractive than it was in the 70's or 80's.

April 1, 2009

Oh, but nothing, NOTHING works as well for INITIAL attraction than LOOKS, POWER OR MONEY. But for all but the most SHALLOW of women, its only INITIALLY. You just have to work at it more.

April 1, 2009

Most girls say they want a good man, but I'm not sure if they really mean it.

Men have been trying to figure out what women want for a 100s of years and they still remain a mystery but how about this for idea?

Most women say they want a nice guy because what they are ultimatly saying is they do not want to be taken advantage of. Lets be realistic and ask how many women have said to you "I am attracted to jerks so treat me badly and will probably stick around so please mess with my head!"? But how many women seem to end up dating jerks over the "nice guy"?

I think there is a clear difference between nice guys and jerks. A nice guy lives to please everyone around him at all costs, even if means sacrificing his own happiness. Maybe he is too much of a pushover who cant say no to anyone and lets himself get walked on? Maybe he is not a challenge and eventually becomes boring?

Now the jerk wears his agenda on his sleave, he is strong, dominant and knows how to prioritize his life...putting himself first. He wont let people walk over him and so he becomes more of a challenge.

I think you can be attractive by having these qualities and not being a jerk or "too nice". Its not just about looks at all.

You need to make them feel excitment, sexy and turned on rather then bored.

You have to priotitize your life and dont let anyone walk over you and not be afraid to voice your opinion.

You must be a challenge and maintain an element of mystery.

Be spontaneous.

Is a lover and not a son.

But above all you need to be confident!

Just an idea?!

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