Major Long Distance Confusion

[travel_lover_80]

I'm desperate for advice...I'm not quite sure what to do. I have been speaking to a guy in Spain for about 8 months. We met online and have spoken every day since. Anyway, this summer I plan on visiting in Spain while I'm with some friends. Our conversations are flirty and there is an obvious connection. And he messages me every day. If there wasn't a connection, would he do this?

 

But...he also has a friend in Hungary that he has been speaking to. And he went to Hungary to visit her a few months ago. And I found out she visited him last weekend but he lied and said she didn't. In his eyes, if we are just friends, why would he lie to me about this?

 

And he told me last night she may move to Spain...but claims they are just friends...ha,ha...yeah right. In one conversation, he claims he doesn't have feelings for her, and then the next conversation he's telling me he may fall in love with her. And she will be visiting again in a few weeks. But he always says...we are just friends.

 

Anyway, my problem is I have feelings for this guy. Not love, I don't want to be his girlfriend but would like to go to Spain with all opportunities open. I guess I have expectations that I will go, have a whirlwind romantic few days and see what happens from there. But...I'm very afraid that between now and then, (3 months)this relationship he has with the Hungarian may progress and this will not happen. I really, really want to meet him, but I'm afraid of getting hurt. So my defense mechanisms kick in...I'm contimplating just calling my visit off and just ceasing contact with him. Any suggestions? Is it really stupid to just tell him my feelings? And if I tell him my feelings, what do I say? Or should I just accept I am in the "friend zone" for now and be patient and see what happens when I go to visit?

 

Help, please

[KikiW]

Has he made any indication he wants a relationship with you? If not, I would let this go. It sounds like he has the best of all worlds - two women willing to come to him and vying for his attention. Lucky him. Unlucky you.

 

If he wanted to be with you, he would ditch this other woman. Actions speak louder than words.

[Island Girl]

He has already lied to you about the visit.

 

He talks out both sides of his mouth about what is going on with this other girl.

 

She is thinking of moving there. Would you do this for a friend? No.

Put it this way, are you thinking of moving there right now? No, right? Why not? Because you are friends and you wouldn't move to another country and completely uproot your life for a friend.

 

Your thinking is all backwards.

He is interested in something or he wouldn't be speaking to you -- that is true.

 

But you actually say, "I found out she visited him last weekend but he lied and said she didn't. In his eyes, if we are just friends, why would he lie to me about this?"

 

Um Hellooooo?"

 

>>>>>>He's lying to me so he must like me, right?"<<<<<<

 

Yeah. You have a connection with a liar and he likes you.

He also likes the other girl and lucky her he's probably lying to her too!

Yippeeeee!

 

If he's lying to you at this stage then just imagine what kind of lies you can look forward to in the future! Maybe you WILL have a whirlwind romance with him when you visit and then, when your heart is invested, he'll lie to you and sleep with other women! BONUS!!

 

C'mon girl. Really.

 

He is suave and charming. He is from Spain and that is exotic and exciting.

 

Please look at the actions of this guy and realize players come in all shapes and sizes and all nationalities.

 

Don't excuse lies and deceit and turn it around in your head to show somehow it is meaningful.

 

You sound like you are well on the way to:

"He lies to me and cheats on me but he tries so hard to hide it that he must really love me! He wouldn't go to all of this trouble if he didn't want to hold on to me!"

 

Please realize there are plenty of guys out there who are good guys and who will treat you right. Don't get so stuck on any guy that you are willing to accept lies and deceit. You deserve better.

 

I'd still go to Spain - or Italy - or Greece - with your friends and have a possible whirlwind romance. There are a lot of great looking guys to choose from.

This guy just shouldn't be considered as part of this picture.

[Rollercoasterr]

Nothing is hotter than a nice Italian or a very tan Greek guy. Shoo! Go have a whirlwind romance with one of those, like Island Girl said! And let me tell you what, some of those men over there really know how to treat a woman! Nevermind if it's just a fling for the duration of the trip, but by the time you come back you wont even remember what that liars name is!

 

Your story actually reminds me of this episode of Futurama that I saw when I was in college(my roommate loved it). Leela found this other cyclops guy on the internet and he sweeps her off her feet and proposes, but on their wedding day 3 or 4 other women crashed their wedding wanting to know why he was late for THEIR weddings. And everytime a new alien would come up to this guy, he'd change his looks to where he looked just like the male of their species. He wanted to have his cake and eat it, just like your guy in this situation. I just dont understand why some people lie, and why others can't just settle for the idea of loving ONE person. Seesh.