I am now back to square one: hurt and somewhat angry!

[Aerorobyn]

Here is something I posted yesterday about my Ex--I guess it's a question I wanted an answer to.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184308/

 

Anyways, last night I sent my ex an email. I told him that I still cared for him, would always be here for him for anything--even just as a friend, and all of that. I wasn't trying to "win him back," I was simply just stating that I still cared for him, because he has done the exact same thing since the breakup (stating he still loved and cared for me). Well, that kind of blew up in my face. About 30 minutes after I sent the email, he calls me, and says something along the lines of:

 

(In an angry tone of voice)

"Look, I don't know what's going through your head! I don't know if I'm giving you false hope that we're ever gonna get back together or what. All I know is that we are NOT getting back together! It's been two weeks since the breakup, and I have come to the realization that I want to be left the hell alone. I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want my friends hanging around all the time, I don't even want my dog or my parents messing with me. I want to live my life how I want, without any obligations, which includes not having a girlfriend. Yes, I still care for you...and I still miss you from time-to-time; however, the 'missing you' is not nearly as severe as the 'I'm better off without you' feeling. So if you have any sort of hope that we'll ever get back together, you need to lose it. I don't want to be with you again, or any other woman. I want to live a free life...I want to be able to go out and drink until 4AM if I want; I want to be able to get up and go on a spur-of-the-moment trip without knowing I have a girlfriend or wife I have to plan it out with. All I suggest to you is that you go out, find you a good man who actually wants a relationship, and be happy with him...see if yall can lead to marriage, and maybe you can pop out a couple of babies with him so that they can take care of you. Whatever it is, it's not gonna be with me. I'm willing to be your friend--but that's it. I don't want you to ever think we'll be more. Because I'm done with relationships, at least until I'm 30 or older, because I don't want those damn obligations. Like I said, there is no chance in us getting back together...two weeks was plenty of time for me to think things through clearly. If we ever were to get back together, it would be many years down the road and also a very slim chance. So don't hold any kind of hope. Just get on with life, and leave me alone unless you just wanna be friends, which there wouldn't be much of either, because I honestly don't want much to do with friends at the time being."

 

 

Yeah. So I was obviously hurt when he said that. I kept myself from crying over the phone though...didn't want him to know I was that hurt, I guess. But I just don't understand how one day he's "planning a future" with me, and the next day he just ends things saying that he sees no future. I loved him. I LOVE him. I just wish I knew what was going on through his head, besides what he already told me. I'm just so confused...I don't know what to say or think. I know I need to move on...and when I'm ready, start dating again (because he's obviously never coming back)...but I don't feel I'll ever be ready. I can't look at any other man the way I looked at him. I don't feel I'll ever be able to truly love another man the way I love(d) him. I thought/believed he was "The One" for me. I still do, but I can't have him...not the way I want him.

 

Also, I'm curious. If he is so over me and doesn't want me anymore, then why does he still have up every single picture of us together? Why does he still have those "love notes" that I used to write to him sitting in his car?

[playlislay]

I feel your pain missy but he has clearly stated that he does not want to get back with you. He sounds hurt and angry so I would just back off and leave him the hell alone.

 

I found it hard when me and 'the love of my life' split up. I emailed him and texted him a few times, literally a few, but he kept telling everyone that he was getting annoyed with it and that I was hassling him (definately not the case!!!!!!). So ive backed off, I tried to look straight through him if I saw him. It breaks my heart to do so but if thats what he wants then so be it.

 

Youre just lucky that you got told by him and not by others!! (

 

Stay strong hunny, your love for this man may never leave you but hopefully it will fade in time. Plenty of fish as they say (although I would love to have my stinky old cod back :OP ).

 

Good luck x

[Sam Spade]

your love for this man may never leave you but hopefully it will fade in time. Plenty of fish as they say (although I would love to have my stinky old cod back :OP ).

x

 

So true

[Aerorobyn]

Thanks for the response.

 

I know there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I know things will start getting better in time. But I also know that my love for him was something special, something so very real, and something I will always wonder "what if" about. I wanted this relationship to work. I could honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with this man. And now that he's gone...a part of me is gone.

 

He was/is so imperfect; but it's like all of his imperfections match up with mine. Thus, in a sense, he is perfect for me, despite being imperfect.

 

I know I have to let that go though. He made it perfectly clear he doesn't want a future. Not with me or anybody else. And I can't help but wonder now...IS there anybody else out there for me? This was the man of my dreams! I can't imagine any other man coming in and even being able to measure up to him.

[TheJoker]

hey

 

just give him a lot of time, I mean like NC for at least a month then see how things are. He Says he still cares for you right he is just angry and maybe in time he will see that their is no fun in being alone

[Hersheys]

Oh god that reeked of rejection.

 

He made himself VERY clear. I hope that was enough to get you to stop contacting him. It really doesn't matter anymore why he still has your pictures, your love notes etc.

 

Best thing you can do is to give him what he wants and that is to leave him alone (permanently). Clearly he doesn't want you in the horizon as he seeks out what he wants in life.

 

You did not deserve to be told those things. A simple 'I want to be left alone' would have been enough.

 

Go NC. Don't downgrade yourself and settle for a friendship with him because to him you will not be the 'caring' friend, you will instead be a nuisance or a backup at best.

 

Stay strong Aerorobyn! You deserve so much more than what this guy has said and done to you.

[Aerorobyn]

Hershey's-

 

Thanks. I know that was some serious rejection! I feel somewhat ashamed about that. But at the same time, I don't, because I now see some of his "new true colors" (he wasn't like this even a month ago; it's a sudden change that's got into him).

 

But despite loving him, I know I deserve a man who is willing to love me and stick with me through thick and thin; not a man who is going to have mood changes everyday--and wanting to break up with me one week, be with me the next, etc. I'm a woman! Every woman deserves a good man and someone who actually feels "true love" for her as well!

 

I'm not saying I wouldn't want to be with my ex again if that point ever came across in the future. I think I would want to give it another shot--but he'd have to prove to me that he's made some serious changes, and that he's sought some emotional counseling.

 

Other than feeling rejected and losing the one I love though, I'd say him breaking up with me has given myself more energy and confidence. I managed to pull a high "B" on a test today, I have lost nearly 8 lbs since the breakup, I'm dressing nicer these days, my hair is looking a lot better (I'm fixing it up more), and I've managed to get a nice lookin' guys number!

 

I guess it's true...when one door closes, another one opens!