Darkness7 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 My fiancee walked out on me a little over a week ago and I am devastated as I hadn't seen this coming at all. We have been together for 5 years and engaged for a little over a year now. Our relationship has been a very healthy and supportive one until about a month ago. She lost her job and I was struggling to pay for both of us and our living situation got very stressful. We were suddenly constantly arguing about things, silly little things that would normally not even have been a big deal. We were both extremely stressed and highly irritable, which caused most of the arguments. Usually we always sat down and talked through an issue when there was one and it just felt as though our good communication had broken down the past month. Whenever I said that I needed some time alone (only for half a day or so), she would then get upset and not accept my decision and sometimes I just wanted to get away so it wouldn't ruin anything in the long run. It is was like we didn't appreciate each other that much anymore, but we really did want to work things out, it wasn't like we weren't aware that this needed to be sorted out. 12 days ago she rang me and asked me if I could come meet her in town and pick her up. She basically never showed up and when I texted her and asked her where she was, she sent me a message saying she's got a "surprise" for me. I ended up getting really annoyed with her because I'd been waiting for 3 hours + and she still didn't show up and I left her an angry voicemail, saying things in the heat of the moment I wish I never had. I then made my way home and decided I would talk to her about this when I got home and I would also appologise for what I said then. Basically when I got home, all her stuff was gone, no note, no anything. The thing is that she is not a nasty person at all. She is normally very caring and understanding - just the past month has put a big strain on us and our relationship, making us both act out some times. So the way she did this is totally out of character. I was devastated by what happened and made all the mistakes of calling her and begging her to come back. She told me that she needed some time to be on her own and sort out her head and then we can work on our relationship again. She said she didn't want to be there while both our emotions are still raw and we're prob both still really confused. I kept asking her how long she needs this break and she said "a little while." I asked her approx. how long she thinks that is and she said she didn't know herself, but she'll let me know when she's ready. When I asked her again the next day (I know that was wrong of me!), she got really ticked off with me and said that the relationship never meant anything to her and she was never going to come back. I figured she said that because I was pressurising her, but not because she really meant it. I know what the relationship means to both of us and it's not the kind of thing you'd just throw away like that. It was probably said in the heat of the moment or to make me back off if I think there's no chance anymore. I have basically started the NC rule now and on Monday she suddenly contacted me, sending me an email asking little things that don't really need answering, almost as if it's an excuse to just contact me. She def did not have to write that email, so I'm guessing that's a good sign? She also asked me "what's going on?" because I moved out of the house and then she said she hasn't read my long letter yet, because she hasn't been able to spend time on her own yet. (She's now living back with her mom and younger siblings, she is 25.) Are the signs she's given me good signs? Do you think there is any chance she will come back cos I really don't think her needing space is just a gentle let-down, she has always been very honest with me and she wouldn't play with my feelings. Do I need to give her more time? I can't just throw this all away. Not yet.
messed-mind Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I really do think that you need to give her the space and time. That said, I wouldn't be waiting forever. I'm also of the opinion that if you love each other, you wouldn't want to cut the other person out like that if you really loved them. I've had a couple of serious fights with my now girlfriend, one of the times I've walked out to clear my head, but I was back within a couple of ours once i'd calmed down. We then talked through it and sorted it out and I feel like we're stronger after. She sounds like she's had enough and just wants out. It also sounds like you no longer have any respect for each other (given by the fact you've lashed out because she was late, instead of waiting to hear what happened before losing the rag). Give her two weeks. If it's not resolved by then and she still wants to be by herself or on her own, there's your answer. Also maybe an idea after a couple of weeks in that you should tell her that you talk about it or it's as good as over.
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