tergiversate Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I need some advice on this, and I don't really know anyone I feel comfortable talking to about it. I’m a twenty year old girl, and I have very little experience when it comes to…well, anything romantic or sexual. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve kissed someone. My first kiss was when I was fifteen, and I was so nervous and dry-mouthed that all I felt was anxiety. It just felt like pressing my mouth against someone else's, no more romantic than a handshake I completely avoided the guy after that. I’d steered clear of intimacy afterward, partially because it made me so nervous, and partially because I hated the thought of another bad experience proving to me that I just couldn’t have a good one. Then, a few months ago, I started thinking a friend of mine was cute. I want to get more experienced while I’m still young enough that it’s not totally weird to not know what I’m doing, and since he’s a genuinely sweet guy, I decided to try to encourage within myself the feelings I had for him. And so I start to like him a lot, and as always, enjoy hanging out with him. Couple of months of flirting later, he tells me he really likes me, I kiss him, and…I don’t feel anything. Just mouths moving against each other, no physical response. When I imagine kissing someone, I can feel/imagine I feel the right response, and in the past there have been times when, looking at this boy, I just wanted to grab him by the shirt and start making out. But as soon as there’s an actual possibility of something developing between us, it’s like I shut off. I just feel indifferent. I’m pretty sure this numbness is a defense mechanism I formed after that nerve-wracking first kiss, like my body decided it would rather feel absolutely nothing than feel fear. But in the long run, both responses have the same effect: I’ll avoid getting close to stop the anxiety, and I’ll avoid getting close to stop the numbness. It’s depressing to think that my only options are panic or catatonia, but I don’t know how to change the way my brain seems to work. I avoided seeing him today just because I knew he’d kiss me, and again, I wouldn’t feel anything. That numbness just feels so dehumanizing. And, of course, the icing on the cake is that if I pull my usual turn-and-run maneuver, I’ve messed up a really good friendship. I’m almost tempted to try to keep getting close with him, go through the motions, and hope that at some point I do feel something. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to switch back on the part of my brain that’s supposed to make me happy and tingly when I get close to somebody I like?
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I had to sit and think back on my first couple of kisses. And I'll just say that I was pretty much unimpressed. LOL The first two guys I kissed, I was INTO, but the kissing just sucked. Now, it may have been them, it may have been me. I don't honestly know. But the third guy I kissed kind of gave me a pointer and from there the kissing improved. Now I LOVE kissing and DEFINITELY can get really excited from just kissing. Maybe ask your guy friend if he can give you pointer. Maybe there's something you're possibly doing with your mouth that's making the experience hard for you to enjoy? But HONESTLY...the first couple times I was mostly nervous and it did numb out my brain. As I got more experienced, I was able to relax a bit and just enjoy. So there's that option, too - practice makes perfect. Just keep practicing! Once you quit focusing on the technical aspects, you can notice the butterflies.
nothappyjan Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 omg that is me exactly.....i am seriously inexpeirenced and get so nervous about physical stuff and feel nothing. My relationship just ended with a guy and we never got past the kissing phase but i felt nothing but a mouth moving on mine, and i felt panicked the whole time and then felt disapointed cause i really liked this guy and also when i saw him would wish i could jump in my arms but due to nerves and inexperience when the event would happen i would close up. I dont have advice but at least can tell you your not alone
Recommended Posts