artsman Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Hey everyone, I know I shouldn't be pining over my ex like this but anyways...about a month ago, I was going through a severe bout of depression and I decided I couldn't be in a relationship anymore. I broke up with an super sweet, kind, caring, loving girl and broke her heart, and I felt terribly about it, even though we'd only been dating for 4 months, I did see some long term potential with her, but the depression seemed to cloud everything. While at the time, it was the right decision based on my mental state, I really regret it now. I explained this to her, and we both agreed that there were feelings still there, but that we'd stay single for a while and remain friends as we worked things out. Since then, we had talked in a business fashion in the office, but had been avoiding each other a bit. 2 and a half weeks later, I asked her to go for a coffee (we work together, so I've kind of been initiating reduced contact since NC is impossible). I asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch this past week and she seemed very hesitant and awkward and says that we could, but just as friends. Then just this past week, I found out that another guy had asked her out and she accepted. Now she's been hanging around our office with this other guy for the past week. I was initially furious, but after talking to a friend, I'm wondering if this is an obvious rebound. According to others that know them both, they have absolutely nothing in common and he's the exact opposite of me - sounds like a rebound but then again I'm new to this dating stuff. I don't know if she knows that I know yet, but I told her at the end of this week that I couldn't go for lunch right now, that I didn't think it was a good time, and have been ignoring her otherwise at the office....but I'm not sure if this is the right approach? She's also been avoiding me a bit at the office, which I would guess is because there may be a guilt element of jumping into something else so fast when she said she was going to stay single for a while. My depression has cleared up now, thanks to exercise, and I'm back to the person she fell for, but better. Should I just avoid contact with her as much as possible and make her miss me? Would that make me come off as a jerk since I dumped her? Or should I ask her to go for lunch again, say that I know that she's dating this guy but that all I really want is for her to be happy (which is true...I do, although I'd rather it be happy with me.) Perhaps this would make her see the nice guy she fell for? I'm brand new to this dating stuff, so if anyone could give me some tips, that'd be helpful. From what I've read, the rebounds means that they still have feelings for you and that she must be constantly thinking about me...but since we both seem to still have feelings, is there a decent shot at a second chance here in the future? Could she dump this rebound guy and come back? I'm trying to move on as well and let it ride itself out, but it's hard, I miss her.
Ronni_W Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Even if it is a rebound for her, it does not necessarily mean that she still has feelings for you and is constantly thinking about you. It could be that this new guy just makes her feel good about herself &/or she is appreciating it because it is simple and uncomplicated. In fact, given that she had opportunities to accept your invites for coffee and/or lunch, and she could have extended her own invitations to you, isn't it more likely that a reconciliation with you is not on her mind, right now? Frequently our "next" partner is mostly opposite of the previous one. Makes sense, too, when one thinks about it. No matter what you do or do not do, you cannot "make her" think about you or want to be with you. Those are things she either will or will not do, and external forces will have no real power or influence. Yes, limit your contact with her to "business only", so that you can get as much emotional distance as possible, so that you can truly move forward. FYI, my "rebound" has lasted 10 years and counting...one just never knows about those things! And yes, he is the opposite of my ex.
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