HurtInColorado Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 So a few months ago for a couple of nights I was calling my son to say goodnight to him at his mothers, and I was then reading to him. Maybe a couple of pages out of 'Inkheart' or 'Harry Potter', things like that he really enjoyed. She pitched a fit to my son's therapist. My therapist called my son's therapist and found out that both my STBX AND his therapist didn't think it fair to 'intrude' on her parenting time by reading to him at night. Then again, my therapist also said that my son's therapist was biased against me and to watch out for that. So tonight, she calls my son at the regular hour and tells him she's going to read to him! I couldn't believe it! What am I going to say, NO? You CAN'T read to your son? She already told him on the phone! It's my parenting time with him, and she just takes a little bit of it away from me. ****! I'm upset...pissed..but no-one knows it. Just venting to a few friends, that's it. So goddamn typical of her to do the double-standard. She's done it before. It's nice though, since she's insisted on hiring a CFI since we can't decide on parenting time its another addition to my growing collection of double-standards she seems to employ. Give them enough rope...
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I don't understand why you are mad.. are you mad because she called to read to him ?.. isn't that what you were doing ? It looks to me that she was trying to prove a point to you.. albeit it makes her look like she is playing games Divorce is tough and even tougher on the kids..making sure that the child isn't used as a pawn in the emotional turmoil is what is ideal for his emotional health. Personally I would think that unlimited phone use would be warranted as long as it didn't go past ones bed time...but your stbx doesn't feel that way.. why not just call him a bit earlier ?
Author HurtInColorado Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 I started reading to him for about 15 minutes a night back in December. She called my son's therapist and complained, and both of them agreed that it was monopolizing my wife's parenting time by reading to him, so I stopped. Tonight, on a Saturday night, the second to last night before I don't see him for 11 days, she says she's going to read to him. She calls him back and reads to him for 45 minutes...on my parenting time....when not three months ago she flipped out over me reading to him for 15 minutes. That's what I mean by the double standard. The only thing I can do is tell my attorney and the Child Family Investigator about her employing the double standard again, and basically robbing me of parenting time with my son...AGAIN.
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 basically robbing me of parenting time with my son...AGAIN. That's what I mean.. so you see it as taking away from your parenting time but you don't see it as taking away from her parenting time ? It sounds like you are going to make this an issue for vengeance rather than if it is right for your son or not.. See where I'm coming from ?... Why even complain ?. your son is what matters and he gets to hear his Mom read to him at bedtime in your presence.. win win for the child.. Things will get better the more time that progresses past the divorce and things should be less heated but right now your son needs you to be level headed.
Author HurtInColorado Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 Okay...I understand that it was taking away from her parenting time, I only did it TWICE before she flipped out about it. My son was upset that I wasn't going to read to him anymore, but that's okay. What I'm trying to impart here is that she doesn't GIVE a **** about me, or my son. SHE wanted to talk to him, so SHE called him and told him that. Didn't care that it was my saturday night, or that she had flipped out only three months earlier when I was reading to him and told his therapist, and BOTH her AND my son's therapist agreed that reading to him on the other parents time was not appropriate. So...she sets the standard, the therapist agrees...and then she just breaks it. Do you understand my frustration? The fact that she just doesn't give a **** about me at all, and I should have just hung up the phone when she called.
LakesideDream Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Very bad example for the child. Why the divorce? Two houses, strife and stress. Everyone needs therapy. Who had the affair that started all this?
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Okay...I understand that it was taking away from her parenting time, I only did it TWICE before she flipped out about it. My son was upset that I wasn't going to read to him anymore, but that's okay. Do you understand my frustration? Yes.. I do understand your frustration...it sucks she is full of anger towards you right now.. hopefully time will fix that.. Right now though you need to do what is right for your son. By the way.. I think you calling your son before bedtime was kickass and wasn't taking away from her parenting time.. if you both were still together you would be reading to him ? no ? I think she was wrong in making yuou stop calling.. restrict your calls to certain times.. sure but still allow them is what I think would've been the best.. I was pointing out the difference in your feelings now as compared to before.. that is all.. I was just trying to get your to stop and think some... Good luck...
Author HurtInColorado Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 She claimed that she wasn't seeing anyone, however just a month after we separated she was flying out to los angeles to see her 'friend'. then a month later she admitted to having romantic feelings for him. Now, because I won't give her 80/20 parenting time I'm having to fight for 50/50 parenting time. I'm spending thousands on attorneys and on a Child Family Investigator. It's insane, when all I'm asking for is 50/50 parenting time.
Author HurtInColorado Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 I don't think it's anger at all. I think she just doesn't even consider my feelings at all. She wants to do something, regardless of the past, so she just does it. Really, she has no empathy, nor has she displayed any for years.
Gunny376 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 First off? Who gives a rats @ss what some over-educated, self opinionated therapist thinks? That's your DS and you should be in contact with him every freaking day! If only for a short phone call! Even if only for 15 freaking minutes. You should be writing him and staying in contact with him and find out what he's up to and being doing ~ EVERY freaking day. And if the STBX and her therapist has a freaking problem with that? Do you know whose problem that is? THERE'S! And were it me I'd give them each a map to the nearest beach and go tell them to go pound sand in their @ss! I don't put a lot of stock in therapist and MC's because they have one of the highest divorce rates there are! Even the late Ann Landers got divorced! And here she was telling folks how to save their marriages and how to live their lives? You might want to look for a book titled "Long Distance Parenting" its chocked full of ideas that you can do with your DS9 when your not there. You can play checkers, chess, hangman through the mail. You can write him everyday, make tape recordings ~ audio and video ~ the list is endless. Through your writing him daily you can teach him morals, values, ethics, that are yours. Forget the STBXW and what she thinks, feels and what her opinions are? Who cares? She obviously doesn't. I can tell what she's after, she's out to replace you with as a husband and a father. All she wants from you happy @ss is a child support check each and every month and the tax deduction for DS9. She wants you to disappear. She's listening to all of her PO'd, disgruntled, divorced GF's telling "You can get this and that and take him for this and that!" You can't get rid of this parasite quick enough! She'll bleed you dry!
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