silverflash Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Hi. So I am in my late 30's, male. Divorced. She is 40 and divorced. We have had 6 dates. They have been really great! We have progressed from kissing on the 2nd date (short kisses) to deep intense kissing and me ending up licking her breasts/nipples on the 5th and 6th date. This last date invloved alot of flirting and talking and we both enjoyed it. My question is this: I am on all the dating sites and was still actively emailing women until the last/6th date. I figured we were not exclusive yet- or maybe she didn't think were were. After this last date, it was really intense and I feel something between us and she is getting closer to me. SHould I assume that she is expecting me not to see other women at this point? I am not kissing others and I have actually taken my profiles off-line thinking that is the right thing to do. I have also told the other women I have been emailing that I want to see where this relationship will go. Am I jumping the gun? Doing it right? I really like this girl and I think she feels the same about me. She is somewhat independent and right now, we see each other either once or twice a week depending upon if she has her kids at home..... So, am I being a wuss or am i doing the right thing??? I would assume her letting me lick her nipples etc would be a very good sign that she probably isn't dating others???
Author silverflash Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 oh, we have been seeing each other for a little over 1 month.
Lindarose84 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I think the best thing to do is just to have that talk with her. I think after 6 dates where you've progressed into the sexual realm, it's ok and not jumping the gun to have that talk where you both decide whether to take this to the next step of exclusivity. You're both adults (divorced adults at that) and I think that your dating experience is different from that of the 20 year old's on those dating sites where playing the field with 10 different people is acceptable. I'm sure as a 40 year old divorcee, she would be ok doing the exclusivity thing (since no woman likes to be a single 40 y/o divorcee for long). I think the opposite can be said for men (I'm guessing) where as they want to experience being free and single again and settling down after a divorce is a no-no. Soooo, if you feel like you're ready to be exclusive, I'm sure she is feeling the same thing. There is no timetable for these things. It's just a matter of feeling these things out with the person you're seeing. The only way you can know for sure if it's exclusivity time is just to ask.
samspade Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Never be the one to bring up exclusivity. Let the woman bring it up. If she mentions it, that means she's thinking about it and comfortable with it.
Ronni_W Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I would assume her letting me lick her nipples etc would be a very good sign that she probably isn't dating others??? Your assumption is either going to be right or wrong. Nobody else knows, except the lady herself. (Well, and the guys...if she is dating others.) I'd agree to not bring up exclusivity at this point...6 dates is not a lot, even if you've already had sex. But don't count on the lady doing it, either -- I can't speak for other women, but I've never started a "where are we going?" conversation. I'd suggest to just act the way that YOU feel YOU want to act -- take down your profiles, stop dating others, whatever feels appropriate and in accordance with your own feelings. Without thinking about what she's doing, or expecting her to be doing the same. And do have a "relationship conversation" whenever you feel that you want her to know where you are and/or you have expectations of where you want her to be.
Lindarose84 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I don't get it, why can't a guy be the one to start the exclusivity conversation?? The guy I'm seeing was the one who brought it up, not me. I don't see anything wrong with it- Ronni, you're telling the OP to act the way HE feels HE wants to act...Well it seems that HE wants to have the exclusivity conversation so why can't he just go for it if HE feels it's the right feeling after the 6 dates he spent with this woman. As I said there is no timetable for things like this. OP just go for what feels right to you at this point in time since only you and your lady know the feelings that have been shared with one another.
Ronni_W Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Ronni, you're telling the OP to act the way HE feels HE wants to act...Well it seems that HE wants to have the exclusivity conversation Lindarose, I missed the part where he said, "I want to have the exclusivity conversation." And I responded to the part where he asked, "Am I jumping the gun?" My interpretation was/is that he is looking for different perspectives. I offered mine, and ALSO suggested exactly the same thing that you just did. Silverflash, at the end of the day, do what and when YOU feel is appropriate, given your own feelings and what you know about the lady.
Author silverflash Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 thanks everyone! i will just go with my heart and see where we can go together. i will give it some more time and won't bring up the exclusivity talk until we have sex. Well, before actually. I will ask her then. I am not one to have sex with anybody who is having sex with somebody else.....
Lindarose84 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Lindarose, I missed the part where he said, "I want to have the exclusivity conversation." And I responded to the part where he asked, "Am I jumping the gun?" My interpretation was/is that he is looking for different perspectives. I offered mine, and ALSO suggested exactly the same thing that you just did. Silverflash, at the end of the day, do what and when YOU feel is appropriate, given your own feelings and what you know about the lady. If you missed that part then you obviously missed the entire point of his post. You and I didn't offer the same advice because my advice was actually to have the exclusivity conversation he thinks he should have given the fact that they've been sexual, have been seeing each other for a month, and share an emotional bond already. He's even gone so far as pulling his profiles off dating sites and telling other women he is pursuing this one woman. Your advice contradicted itself where you tell him not to have the exclusivity conversation but to do what HE feels HE wants to do. So, not the same.
Author silverflash Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 well let me clarify, we haven't had sex yet. We have had foreplay which has been great, as she has said as much. Anyhow, I will just take it cool. We are getting together very soon again so it seems like she likes spending time more with me. I am thinking once we get to the having sex part, that pretty much means we are exclusive. She is respectful and very intelligent so I don't think she would do that sort of thing with just anybody. Anyhow, i am excited about her and hope that she feels the same. I think she is but only time and time spent together will tell.....
samspade Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I am thinking once we get to the having sex part, that pretty much means we are exclusive. She is respectful and very intelligent so I don't think she would do that sort of thing with just anybody. That is not something you should assume. And being respectful and intelligent does not mean she can't or won't have sex with another guy she is dating. Just enjoy the ride and don't worry about this stuff. Let your relationship go through its natural progression. If YOU don't want to date other women, that is fine, but don't assume that she won't unless she tells you explicitly. In the meantime, have fun. The conversation will come up when the time is right.
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