Sorry this is long!

[Girl from Sydney]

I've been married for less than a year. We married with the prior knowledge that my husband wanted citizenship but wanted to marry someone he could love. I was told this after 6 months of knowing him and had already fallen in love. He did not speak much English and so communication was a difficulty for both of us with misunderstandings both funny and frustrating at times. Since we married I began to ask questions as we were able to communicate more with him learning more English and I needed some answers as I was beginning t doubt his love for me and thoguht he was using me.I needed to know the truth and said I could handle it what ever he said.But now after nearly 2 years I am not sure if I can handle hearing that he is using me.

 

He explained that he 'interviewed' about 45 women from his culture (Lebanese) with very little success until he met me. he said they lacked intelligence and showed little empathy for him. I was told of his terrible life of survival in Lebanon but now I question all of the things that had been said, how he suffered and lived on the streets as he seems to buy himself the best quality items and his family in the middle east seem to be well off although he has scars and looks a lot older for his age. When we first married I had already not seen him very often with him going to work and he would get up and go out on the weekend and not even say where he was going. So I did the same thing to him and he was devastated.

 

He lacks experience with women and just disregards my needs emotionally. I had been married before and was a single divorced mum for many years with 2 children grown up now. I met my husband through a friend who said that I needed a man to take care of me but I don't even feel married.

 

Now it's at the stage where I am slowly detaching myself from him as he works 7 days a week and when he's home he eats, watches tv for 10 mins then sleeps. We hardly had sex when we first married and I missed him very much which has turned to resentment now. He now wants sex every second day but I am numb.

 

He recently brought a friend he works with over to talk to me about a problem he had so I could understand as the man spoke good English. He asked why I don't trust my husband as they were out having a drink and some girls came up to them. He said my husband went away. I said because he's shy and he said no it was because he was scared that I would see him with the girls. This man made comments like maybe I should join a gym, I better watch my health at my age and that if it makes me feel better I should be in the marriage for 10-15 years if I want to.

 

I found his comments confused me as I am a few years older than my husband but he looks older than me, I'm not fat and i had never talked about being married for 10-15 years. So I really don't know what do believe anymore. My husband never goes out at night but i really don't know if he is working. I am angry because I think if he is using me I should have the right to make a choice to walk away. I told him that I would help him as long as he was truthful to me. He even talked about having a baby with me and I straight out said no before we were married I made it clear.