lostsoul25 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Hi, ive posted here a few times before, not sure why but my previous posts here have disappeared when i checked my profile Hi, Im not very experienced in the Dating Game Recently Im more and more aware that im letting life pass me by and that because i dont have anyone special in my life im missing out on so much. theres a huge void and im sure i would have so much to give. People do tell me in a really good guy and a great catch for someone, i just dismiss their comments.I honestly do want to do something about it just find it the most hardest thing to do in the world and scariest. In past suffered a lot of self confidence issues, which is why not dated. and most likely due to this never noticed any tell tale signs that anyone was interested let alone pursued anyone on my own accord.i feel better about myself more now that i did. The strange thing is, i have lots of female friends at work. Other girls who work there that ive thought are nice usually are taken or I assume so. maybe in some weird way i only admit to myself that I like them when I know their off limits. I dont get it, how does everyone else manage the dating thing. I dont seem to have the skills. If im with people i dont know very well, i cant strike up conversation because im not a good talker and wouldn't know what to say.especially if outside work because i dont think im interesting enough or do enough. When im with friends i am ok but still not the best. one 2one is better. Have been on nights out to town pubs etc it doesn't even enter my head to go upto someone n start talking. mostly my only chances of meeting someone is at work,v big building many people, or if im out and about in the shops. But then again, how many ppl must get approached in shops and be thought of being some sort of stalker. I read another similar post where a guy passed a note to someone while they were working & being served. this has crossed my mind. If im honest the last 3 or 4 times ive been in a supermarket i call in sometime on way home from work. noticed a girl in there that im quite interested in. i find her pretty. not even sure how old she is but noticed her name plate When on the checkout can never russle up any conversation, just a Hello and Thankyou. one day she was even joking on with another checkout on how slow she was, thought about making comments about it being Friday and allowed to be on a wind down for the weekend but well it would have all come out wrong. on way out she was moving a few rogue trolleys was very tempted to ask if she needed a hand as she is only a little thing.had my hands full of shoppin id picked up so more likely i was the one needing help haha. seemed like perfect opportunity looking back. I just know if i did ever ask if she was single, she wouldn't be orand that id be even more embarrassed by the whole situation arrrggghhh. doesn't help having ppl behind you in the queue.Thought bout puttin my number on bit of paper and passing her it on way out, but well if cant speak to her in person to ask it prob think im a loser. and at best a nice ego boost for her. turned out couldn't even manage that. last time i was in, had to wait for change, a minute or so her emptying the change into the cashier. lost my nerve so strike up conversation or give her a note lol Its crazy on paper it sounds so simple to go up to a girl say "Hi, are you single" and cannot get myself 2do it, weighing up all the outcomes, who's around, who will find out what ive done,what if she isnt available, then feel bad putting her in that position 2feel bad for me Am 27m and never asked a girl out. only had one relationship, ended badly. its no wonder im single when its the guys job to ask or make the first move. Sometime i think to myself just get your head around it that nothings ever gonna change and other times i think, no, i really wanna have a special girl in my life to make me feel alive and treat her well, share my place and travel the world. I used to do this on my own but stopped because i miss out on so much not having someone there to experience and then relive the trips.Im sure my parents and grandparents are disappointed too for me not acting like normal people. should have a girlfriend, if not married by my age,and that there wont be any grandkids for them Wish there was magic to know the outcome of any given scenario, god knows ive thought them all through lol Any advice, be gentle
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Go out and meet new people. Practice. You might crash a few times. Learn what went wrong, suck it up, change your approach and try again You can do it.
collegekid491 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Hello Lostsoul Honestly, we have all been there, know first off your not alone!! Meeting people is generally pretty easy, the hardest and most nerving part is breaking the ice. The biggest misconception is to ask them out the second you start talking, cause then your just like every other guy. You seem like a nice guy, so show that side, I'm generally a ******* lol, so I play that one :s. Just relax man, you sound like your in love with the idea of being in love so you put so much pressure on every interaction you have. Just talk with girls for a bit, DON'T ask them out, and it will become more comfortable talking with the opposite sex, heck, some girls may even ask you out while talking to them! I met my gf in a kick boxing class, I was the idiot who couldn't tie my own belt lol, but I just relaxed and was myself (poking fun at myself and her) and next thing you know... vola! The best way to look at dating is its like a best friend, you slowly build the trust, but thats ultimately what you want your gf to be right? Don't worry about the 'benefits' or rush it to fast, just enjoy it instead of stressing. Also elevates alot of problems once you are dating, as alot of those are caused by the stress of trying to impress. P.S. That was a while ago, I CAN tie my own belt now... in my defense they make me tie it funny! lol
You'reasian Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 And kickboxing doesn't use belts! You've gotta win it
Author lostsoul25 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Your right i am going to have 2 give it a go otherwise i will never get anywhere and wasted alot of my life already. and crash and burn. Not sure how many hits i could take lol Its right i am a bit of an overthinker which can be a big problem and shows i dont take many risks. I can talk to girls easily that i know or am not interested in that way. the slight bit of interest and i have no idea what to say, it all seems to dry up. Funny thing is, my first experience, it all happened out of the blue and fate played a big part of it. Just seemed to enter my life from nowhere. if only that would happen again
BobSacamento Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I think this is pretty simple. You have female friends at work who are friendly to you right? If they are taken, ask them if they have any single friends. Go on a few dates and build confidence. As you date more you will build more confidence and build a thicker skin. It's that first step that's the most difficult. I think you really want to take it but would rather have someone do it for you. If only life were that easy haha. I honestly believe as much as rejection frightens us men, women are 10 times more frightened. So think of it as being chivalrous
Double D Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 As people have said already you really arent alone in this. Have you thought bout mayb seeing a counsellor. It may help you understand yourself that much better, which may well help you make those steps into the dating world.
Author lostsoul25 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I did see one a few years ago when i was in a bad state. Made me feel alot better and ive made much progress in the years since.well apart from the romance department She told me i was wise beyond my years because of the way I thought & how to treat people, just couldnt apply it to myself.
Double D Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I trhink its too be commended that ur willing to look at urself deeply and try and understand urself. Its a good start. What now?
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 The dating game scares me and I'm no novice, hell I'm not even dating right now! Basically it's just a crazy jungle out there - dive in and enjoy the ride, and pray that eventually you get a result.
wonderifshelikesme Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 If you don't have confidence at first, just fake it. Seriously. Why not? What can it hurt? I bet you will see people treat you a little differently. If she doesn't like you--she's probably a lesbian anyways. Just remember that. No, but just realize that every single guy in the world gets turned down, and likely many times. Trust me. You just have to brush it off and realize it's a natural part of the process. I'm a smarter guy and I suppose I'm fairly cute but often girls will overlook some of what you have to offer because they just don't know. It's their loss...you have to think this way too. Feel that you truly are a special and unique person. Sounds like you are a really nice person--girls honestly do like that. Just try to keep a little bit of mystery or an edge to keep the intrigue and excitement. What if your female co-workers all think your mysterious? What if one of them secretly likes you? Never know...just gotta try and put the confidence vibe out there. Things will change, I promise. You have to be the change though...
era Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 the dating game scares me Oh gosh, no kidding. It's like a game and nobody bothered to tell you the rules.
Author lostsoul25 Posted April 2, 2009 Author Posted April 2, 2009 I tend to think some people are just natural to this. I mean I try, if passing someone in corridor at work if i know or dont know, to at least say hello or maybe smile. Im not the best at it but should be nice for the recipient.like they say smiling and laughter is infectious and can seriously affected your mood. i do it much more than I used 2. Im happy enough joking on wiv ppl i know, or lightly know, building up a rapport, which cant do me any harm i guess at work. Just when I see someone i think is nice outside work, cant seem to see a way to connect and then there probably gone. Even the girl in the shop, she wont be there everytime I go in lol i not a stalker and stolen her shift plan lol
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