Aerorobyn Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Yeah, so it's been Two weeks since my ex and I broke up (he broke up with me), after nearly two years together. I mean, he really gave me no other explanation aside from he was just "tired of the relationship...all the fighting...and he didn't see a future anymore" ...So a few days ago, after he said this again, I replied, "So all that stuff you said just one day before the break up about us getting a place together, married, etc. was just a lie?" He replied with, "no...I wanted that. I could see myself with you. But I just can't see any kind of future with myself" ...Honestly, this makes NO sense! Also, since we've split, he's been spending his "free time" in our colleges library. On the 5th floor (the "quiet" floor), all by himself. We talked on the phone a couple of nights ago, and he just said, "There's just something about sitting on the 5th floor of the library, coped up in a small cubicle by myself, and watching people go by..." I responded with, "Does that make you happy...being alone like that?" And he responded with, "I'm not sure...I don't know what makes me happy." So I'm pretty much coming to the conclusion that he has some serious emotional disorders, and he truly does not know what he wants out of life. I'd love to have him back and be with him again. But at the same time, I want him to get his stuff straightened out before/if he decides to come back. I've pretty much accepted the fact that he's NOT coming back, not anytime soon, because he's so messed up right now. However, I still hold to the belief that he and I DID have a REAL connection, that we DID have "true love", and that he WAS telling the truth when he said he wanted a future with me...and I still think someday we will be together again. It may not be for another 20 years, but.....they say when you have true love, you know it, right? And also, I know he misses me. He talked to my grandmother on the phone today and said he missed the whole family, especially me. And the other day when he and I talked, he was all, "I don't know if I'm coming back...well, maybe...no...yes...maybe...No! I'm not, you just have to move on!" That just reassures my assumption that he doesn't know what he wants. And yes...depression, anxiety, and many other emotional problems run in his family.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 wow i think he does have a lot of stuff going on inside him. sometimes when your with someone for so long you forget who YOU are and what you use to like to do. you focus so much on your "other half" and what they want its all about them....you become resentful when you stop doing things you use to like doing before you were together. does that make sense? now that you guys have been fighting so much lately it can become so overwhelming for both o you guys and maybe he's just not as strong as you and pushed himself away from the relationship. i think you should make sure he's ok and he might need you as a friend right now... if not if he doesn't want to talk to you then just let him have his space i dont know what exactly is going through his mind but i would give him some time...
Author Aerorobyn Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 That's what he's been saying...he wants to be my friend. At first I thought that I could do that. But now, I'm not so sure. Every time I see him I just want to run into his arms, kiss him, and tell him I love him. Creepy me--we're not together! But, that's what he's been saying--is that we can be friends. And "time will tell everything else". However, when I ask him for a "friendly" 30 minute lunch at school, he declines...saying that it's too soon. So I don't know what kind of "friends" he wants to be. I don't even know if I COULD be a good friend to him, knowing I may never have him back and be able to express my love to him the way I once did. My main goals (in order) are: 1.) To know that he's happy. I want him to be happy before anything else. 2.) For me to be happy (I think I'm pretty much getting there. I DID lose myself when we were together--focused too much on him. Now that we're split, however, I've been doing things that I enjoyed before we got together, and I've been talking to a counselor. I've vowed that in my next relationship, whether with him or someone else, I will not lose MYSELF again) 3.) To be with him again. Yes--with him, I was happy and complete. Now, without him, I am happy and incomplete. I would love to be complete again--if he would only realize how much he means to me, and that I just want to see him happy again and to succeed. This may or may not be a good thing, but I am going to do it. I used to bake this cake all the time that he loved--and it'd give him a bit of "happiness"...so I'm gonna make a small version of that cake, and take it to him on Monday. Just to show him that I still care, without having to actually SAY anything.
You'reasian Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 That's what he's been saying...he wants to be my friend. At first I thought that I could do that. But now, I'm not so sure. Every time I see him I just want to run into his arms, kiss him, and tell him I love him. Creepy me--we're not together! My main goals (in order) are: 1.) To know that he's happy. I want him to be happy before anything else. 2.) For me to be happy (I think I'm pretty much getting there. I DID lose myself when we were together--focused too much on him. Now that we're split, however, I've been doing things that I enjoyed before we got together, and I've been talking to a counselor. I've vowed that in my next relationship, whether with him or someone else, I will not lose MYSELF again) 3.) To be with him again. Yes--with him, I was happy and complete. Now, without him, I am happy and incomplete. I would love to be complete again--if he would only realize how much he means to me, and that I just want to see him happy again and to succeed. This may or may not be a good thing, but I am going to do it. I used to bake this cake all the time that he loved--and it'd give him a bit of "happiness"...so I'm gonna make a small version of that cake, and take it to him on Monday. Just to show him that I still care, without having to actually SAY anything. Face to face time is good. Being in college is a time of transition for young folks. I'm sure the two of you will work things out and be happy.
Author Aerorobyn Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 Face to face time is good. Being in college is a time of transition for young folks. I'm sure the two of you will work things out and be happy. Thanks! I know the two of us will work things out and we'll be happy (it may or may not be together--but I know each of us will find happiness again); and I can only hope it's together! But I guess time will tell all. And yeah--but I wasn't expecting this sort of transition! I'm in my second year of college, and he's in his third! We got together right before I entered my first year! I was sure we'd AT LEAST make it through the full four years together... But what do yall suggest? Should I try being just a friend to him, and see where things lead? Or should I do the whole "NC" thing? I know the primary focus should be on ME--but that's where I get lost. I've pretty much accepted that this breakup has happened...and if we're friends, I'm fine with that because I get to be near the one I love still. If we're not friends, I guess I'm ok with that too because it gives him the space away from me that (I guess) he wanted...
You'reasian Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Thanks! I know the two of us will work things out and we'll be happy (it may or may not be together--but I know each of us will find happiness again); and I can only hope it's together! But I guess time will tell all. And yeah--but I wasn't expecting this sort of transition! I'm in my second year of college, and he's in his third! We got together right before I entered my first year! I was sure we'd AT LEAST make it through the full four years together... But what do yall suggest? Should I try being just a friend to him, and see where things lead? Or should I do the whole "NC" thing? I know the primary focus should be on ME--but that's where I get lost. I've pretty much accepted that this breakup has happened...and if we're friends, I'm fine with that because I get to be near the one I love still. If we're not friends, I guess I'm ok with that too because it gives him the space away from me that (I guess) he wanted... Sounds like you really love this guy. Does he know you love him?
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