Dexter Morgan Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 His wishes are my commands and yes I do worship the ground he walks on and I'm beyond sorry and remorseful for what I did. Ok, so what if he said that, for example, if you ever go out on a "girls night out" with friends that all your belongings would be waiting for you on the front lawn? In other words, if he demanded you refrain from certain activities, would you be resentful? Or grateful that he isn't dumping you and losing a few perks is a small price to pay? And this next one isn't a serious or acceptable "wish" from him, but just curious...what would you say if he said, "well, I feel the need to even the score and since you got to get some outside our marriage, its only fair that I get to experience that myself"?? One more thing, I asked H if he would like to contact OM's wife to tell her about the A like someone here suggested but he doesn't want to. If I were him, I'd jump on it.
Author Miss Demeanor Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Troubadour, that's what I have been doing for the last few days, not during the affair, only since I ended it. Dexter, I'm the one who evened the score sadly. My H has cheated on me, it was a one night stand. I come from a very conservative society so things like "girls night out" are not a part of my culture, meaning that every time I go out it's with my husband or with family. Yes his wishes are my commands but he has to be reasonable too, I mean if he bans me from going to the gym, it's a "women only gym", then we'll have a problem.
seibert253 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 You guys scare me I came here to ask for help and all I got, except for few posts, were personal attacks left and right. Believe me, I wasn't looking for sympathy, I don't deserve it but this, this is too much. I'm not giving my husband's a deadline, I only asked that question because I know there are some BS here and I wanted to know what to expect, so is 6 months a good time frame before I approach the subject of MC with him again, that's what I meant to say. yes I know we have a long and difficult journey ahead of us but I'm ready to do whatever it takes and whatever my husband asks me to do. His wishes are my commands and yes I do worship the ground he walks on and I'm beyond sorry and remorseful for what I did. One more thing, I asked H if he would like to contact OM's wife to tell her about the A like someone here suggested but he doesn't want to. If your husband wants to save your marriage, ask him to start MC NOW. He may not be receptive at this time, but at least show him you want to try to fix what you screwed up. If you haven't, start IC for yourself. If you can't fix your marriage, at least you can fix you.
troubadour Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Troubadour, that's what I have been doing for the last few days, not during the affair, only since I ended it. Miss Demeanor... I din't know how you do it but I wish you good luck.
sb129 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 "I'm giving him 6 months" Sounds like a deadline to me. No, you are giving him 6 months. Thats what I was thinking. And if he cheated on you- two wrongs don't make a right. You obviously forgave him for his mistake (not that I condone his behaviour though), you can't bring that up now to justify your own behaviour. So the site scares you- well you are hearing a few home truths from people who don't have any reason to sugarcoat their opinions. YOU messed up, therefore I believe it is up to YOU to fix it, not your H. Perhaps MC would be appropriate sometime in the future, but I would imagine that your H doesn't want to entertain that idea until you prove that you are serious about ending the affair and staying away from this other guy, and I don't blame him. You aren't really demonstrating a full committal to forget about this guy and move ahead. You say you worship the ground your H walks on- are you sure about that? I worship my husband, and I would never ever ever dream of cheating on him. Apart from the fact that I know that he would never forgive me and that would be the end of our marriage, no exceptions, I married him because he is all I need in a man. If that stopped being the case, I would either seek professional help or set him free rather than insulting him by cheating on him.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Troubadour, that's what I have been doing for the last few days, not during the affair, only since I ended it. Dexter, I'm the one who evened the score sadly. My H has cheated on me, it was a one night stand. I come from a very conservative society so things like "girls night out" are not a part of my culture, meaning that every time I go out it's with my husband or with family. Yes his wishes are my commands but he has to be reasonable too, I mean if he bans me from going to the gym, it's a "women only gym", then we'll have a problem. So now, it's tit-for-tat. Why is everything always his responsibility and his fault? You are responsible for your actions. He's responsible for his actions.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Dexter, I'm the one who evened the score sadly. My H has cheated on me, it was a one night stand. Well that changes everything. Do whatever you have to do to stay married to your H. You deserve each other and by you two staying together you are saving 2 other people. good luck:bunny:
Mr. Lucky Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I So again I asked for my husband's help, I asked him to put that forum on the restricted sites list and set a supervisor password so I could stop sending that man any private messages (I also deleted all my email accounts so I won't receive any emails from him) The problem is, my husband refused to do so. He said I gotta do this on my own and get over my weakness. Now for God's sake, how am I supposed to that on my own? I also asked if we can go to MC, he refused and I can't go on my own since I can't afford it and my husband won't chip in. Well, didn't read every post but why would your H waste his time restricting access on your home computer? If so motivated, you could simply go to the public library or an internet cafe and simply log on under a new username if necessary. Or use one of dozens of internet enabled phones. He's given you a very simple test to see if you're willing to do 1% of the work necessary to fix things. Given your resistance, I don't like your chances of getting the other 99% done... Mr. Lucky
KismetGirl Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 What's your background? Just curious. Do you have kids? How old are you? You acted very immature. Why do I suspect that this is SignedIn2008 with a new screename, back again after being BANNED for this sort of insignificant and irrelevant commentary? OP, please ignore this poster. You are acting in the manner with which you feel comfortable and are trying to address the problem. Do not take personal attacks as having any weight, no one here knows who you are or what you are dealing with, they are only giving advice best they know how with the information you give us. We don't know your whole story any more than the limited detail we get on an anonymous forum.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 You are acting in the manner with which you feel comfortable and are trying to address the problem. Do not take personal attacks as having any weight, no one here knows who you are or what you are dealing with, they are only giving advice best they know how with the information you give us. We don't know your whole story any more than the limited detail we get on an anonymous forum. So she should only accept the advice that agrees with what she already wanted to hear? It was doing what she felt "comfortable" with that got her into her current situation. Only if she challenges herself and faces up to some hard things to do (and hear ) will her marriage get back on track. Mr. Lucky
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