tkgirl Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 never EVER feel desperate... no matter what your age! I am 43 and still single and I've never felt "desperate"! I live my life, I have fun... and I've had my many o' cute younger guys... ranging from the surfer with the really hot bod to my most recent "bad-boy" musician who was absolutely gorgeous... not that I'm that shallow but I'm just saying! I just don't seem to have a hard time attracting these younger lads... maybe because I've never worried about the age thing? Of course I still am searching for my soul mate and I KNOW he's out there somewhere... whether he's in his 20's or 50's... who cares? But I will never settle... I am looking for real love and until I find it I'd MUCH rather be single! and happy! Maybe I'm a little dilusional but I think I just keep getting better with age!
Sam Spade Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 never EVER feel desperate... no matter what your age! I am 43 and still single and I've never felt "desperate"! I live my life, I have fun... and I've had my many o' cute younger guys... ranging from the surfer with the really hot bod to my most recent "bad-boy" musician who was absolutely gorgeous... not that I'm that shallow but I'm just saying! I just don't seem to have a hard time attracting these younger lads... maybe because I've never worried about the age thing? Of course I still am searching for my soul mate and I KNOW he's out there somewhere... whether he's in his 20's or 50's... who cares? But I will never settle... I am looking for real love and until I find it I'd MUCH rather be single! and happy! Maybe I'm a little dilusional but I think I just keep getting better with age! No, that's not delusional. The single source of pressure (and desperation) associated with dating in the 30's comes from the limited window of opportunity to start a healthy family (that includes own kids, that is). Other than thad, I firmly believe that dating life can be great at any age.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 No, that's not delusional. The single source of pressure (and desperation) associated with dating in the 30's comes from the limited window of opportunity to start a healthy family (that includes own kids, that is). Other than thad, I firmly believe that dating life can be great at any age. I wasn't aware that a decade was considered a limited window of opportunity. It's quite a long time, y'know...
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Count yourself lucky this happened later in life, some of us have been desperate since we were 16!
pollywag Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Blue Eye Girl First of all you are super young, and you still have at least 15 yrs to safely think about having a baby. Women can have babies until their early 40's. With all the advances in medicine and testing you can have a baby well into your 40's. Please don't let that hold you back and for heaven's sake stop letting some of the pedestrian views of some misfits on here tell you otherwise. I have read a few of your posts and you seem to be going through some changes, and have a few things you are dealing with in your personal life so it could seem like life is overwhelming, but I think the biggest culprit is reading some of the nonsense some of these impotent losers write here hoping to affect the types of women they hate. The funny thing is that the only women they do end up affecting are the types of women who are are dealing with issues in their personal lives and who are down on themselves and easily influenced due to their fragile egos. Right now you are perfect prey for these maggots looking to feed off of decaying corpses. Don't let yourself decay, you are a young woman with so much to offer and a heck of a lot of time ahead of you. And please stop evaluating your worth on whether you are with a man. You need to know your worth as a single woman end of story. Find your worth and nurture it because no one else will do that for you, not even a man who loves you. You must learn to do that all on your own. I am slightly older than you but I can assure you that I never worry about finding love, it always comes my way when I least expect it. You have to feel confident that no matter what you will be fine. I get hit on by men older, younger, and the same age as myself. There are spectacular men of all age groups, there are great men on here in their 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's, we read their posts all the time. But their voices get lost with some sound masking brought on by a handful of miserable men who represent the the types of men we laugh at in real life. We have all met men like this in real lie and the truth is everyone laughs at them, men AND women do and we can't help it they are jokes. They are caricatures and should be seen for the amusement they are, you must recognize them for that. These men have been chewed up and spit out and their hearts have been trampled on by some woman along they way and they never managed to matured past the hurt so they carry a broken heart, a jaded soul and a lot of misdirected animosity and hide behind a character they think is appealing and don't realize is actually appalling. But people aren't stupid, we all have eyes we all have brains we all can see what is really going on. Don't let some jaded cynical voices of despair mold your thoughts because every single negative thought you carry in your head will manifest itself in the way you talk, walk, and present yourself. The negativity will manifest itself where it matters most, it will become you. No one wants to be around that kind of negativity. It's no malarkey, you are what you think. It's a BLATANT lie that your onlly hope is the attention of desperate older men. I speak from experience, and so could all the ladies on here who experience the same thing I do. There is no age for attraction you will keep attracting men of all sorts, so long as you keep portraying yourself in an attractive manner. Turning 30 is a milestone, you are just readjusting to a new phase of your life, but you will come into your own and find yourself again. Trust that. There is someone for everyone out there, believe that and make that your philosophy and you will be surprised at how the energy you put out will attract more of the same. Men of all ages are always going to be attracted to a woman who carries herself with ease, who is fun and most importantly believes in herself and age is irrelevant! It's as simple as that. Everything else is just white noise. When you find a way to believe in your abilities, even your own illfounded notions can't break you.
Sam Spade Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I wasn't aware that a decade was considered a limited window of opportunity. It's quite a long time, y'know... Only if you know what you're doing. And even then, it takes at least 3 years from 1st date to 1st kid, so you can't afford many mistakes...
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Only if you know what you're doing. And even then, it takes at least 3 years from 1st date to 1st kid, so you can't afford many mistakes... Hark Is that the sound of a mythical rule book being wheeled out?
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Only if you know what you're doing. And even then, it takes at least 3 years from 1st date to 1st kid, so you can't afford many mistakes... Come now... I know quite a few women who've had their first in their late thirties and their second in their forties, all perfectly healthy and happy babies. You're being ridiculous and you know it. You know exactly why you dislike women in their thirties. It's all tied to your ego. In attempting to make someone like BEG or any other thirty year old feel useless, you somehow are getting misplaced satisfaction out of punishing your ex. She's not BEG or me or any other woman who's your age. Try to keep it all in perspective.
Sam Spade Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Hark Is that the sound of a mythical rule book being wheeled out? No, but easily observed common timeline, a little agressive one, if you ask me, but seems about right.
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 No, but easily observed common timeline, a little agressive one, if you ask me, but seems about right. Not at all. If you want to talk about commonalities, people in their thirties have more life experience, stabler careers and financial positions, and know what they want out of life. This often speeds up the transition to having children. I know several that have gone that route after a year. Couples in their twenties on the other hand tend to put it off.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Come now... I know quite a few women who've had their first in their late thirties and their second in their forties, all perfectly healthy and happy babies. You're being ridiculous and you know it. You know exactly why you dislike women in their thirties. It's all tied to your ego. In attempting to make someone like BEG or any other thirty year old feel useless, you somehow are getting misplaced satisfaction out of punishing your ex. She's not BEG or me or any other woman who's your age. Try to keep it all in perspective. You may not like what Sam Spade wrote, but believe me when I tell you that many men believe exactly what he wrote. Many men in their early-mid 30s looking to start a family do prefer at least slightly younger women because they have concerns about the ability of a women in her mid-30s to be able to have healthy children if they were to get married 2-3 years down the road. It has nothing to do with the male ego!
Sam Spade Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Come now... I know quite a few women who've had their first in their late thirties and their second in their forties, all perfectly healthy and happy babies. You're being ridiculous and you know it. You know exactly why you dislike women in their thirties. It's all tied to your ego. In attempting to make someone like BEG or any other thirty year old feel useless, you somehow are getting misplaced satisfaction out of punishing your ex. She's not BEG or me or any other woman who's your age. Try to keep it all in perspective. I'm certainly not attempting to make anybody feel useless. And I'm not trying to punish my ex (if anything - I'm bit a worried about her, which is probably twisted in its own way.). Nice spin though. Of course having a baby late is not a death sentence, but what is so wrong about me being old-fashioned (which includes having somewhat younger wife and 2 kids while my own waistline is still in its colleges size)? Of course, only a complete idiot would disqualify anybody based *solely* on age. But I'm not a huge fan of dating to begin with so I'd much rather start a dynasty soon rather than chase skirt, or have a non-traditional family... The way things go, I'll be the only dad with mad vintage style at soccer practice. . But if I'm unlucky and still doing this at 38, who am I going to date? Other 30+ year olds, of course. But ideally, I'd like to be done with this by then.
pollywag Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 You may not like what Sam Spade wrote, but believe me when I tell you that many men believe exactly what he wrote. Many men in their early-mid 30s looking to start a family do prefer at least slightly younger women because they have concerns about the ability of a women in her mid-30s to be able to have healthy children if they were to get married 2-3 years down the road. It has nothing to do with the male ego! Well there is no accounting for the number of ignorant men out there because women in their mid to late 30's are conceiving perfectly normal beautiful healthy children. PLUS you have no clue what all men think we are women I think we would know from experience if this were true, and age is not a factor when we find love. TRUST me!
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 You may not like what Sam Spade wrote, but believe me when I tell you that many men believe exactly what he wrote. Many men in their early-mid 30s looking to start a family do prefer at least slightly younger women because they have concerns about the ability of a women in her mid-30s to be able to have healthy children if they were to get married 2-3 years down the road. It has nothing to do with the male ego! Since my divorce, two years ago, I've dated nothing but thirty-something men, and one forty-something man. I've been asked out by many thirty-something men but turned them down. I'm engaged to a 36 year old man. My male friends are primarily thirty-something men. Not one single one of these guys, has ever expressed that they've cared. Not one. I sometimes wonder what kind of environments you guys live in. I really, really wonder why your world is so different than my world, especially since I date and interact with these guys! Hold on a minute! Something suddenly occurred to me. I'm betting most of you thirty-something guys have never been married before or had any serious long-term relationship over 7 years long. Am I right?
pollywag Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I'm certainly not attempting to make anybody feel useless. And I'm not trying to punish my ex (if anything - I'm bit a worried about her, which is probably twisted in its own way.). Nice spin though. I am more worried about you actually. I bet your ex is fine. Every chance you get you make it a point to bring your "concern" for her into any discussion on this board. Let's face is Sam Spade, you have it so bad for your ex it would absolutely kill you to know she moved on. I've told you this before and I'll tell you again, prepare yourself for the worst because you will get word sooner or later that she has moved on and you won't be able to handle it when it does happen. She will move on and she will be just fine, we all do and you need to accept that.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Since my divorce, two years ago, I've dated nothing but thirty-something men, and one forty-something man. I've been asked out by many thirty-something men but turned them down. I'm engaged to a 36 year old man. My male friends are primarily thirty-something men. Not one single one of these guys, has ever expressed that they've cared. Not one. I sometimes wonder what kind of environments you guys live in. I really, really wonder why your world is so different than my world, especially since I date and interact with these guys! Hold on a minute! Something suddenly occurred to me. I'm betting most of you thirty-something guys have never been married before or had any serious long-term relationship over 7 years long. Am I right? I don't know your circle of friends, but I am just saying that many guys do think that way, regardless of whether you agree with them. By the way, I also know guys in their 30s who wouldn't want to marry a woman who has been divorced. Somehow, I suspect you don't believe me about that either, but it is true...
tkgirl Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 No, that's not delusional. The single source of pressure (and desperation) associated with dating in the 30's comes from the limited window of opportunity to start a healthy family (that includes own kids, that is). Other than thad, I firmly believe that dating life can be great at any age. yep.. I can see where the "desperation" comes in if you think your only road to happiness is marriage and a family. I happen to be of the mindset that there are many other paths one can follow to find happiness. I also was trying to make the point that you should never feel desperate, no matter what you want in life. Things happen for a reason... and you should always "follow your bliss". I know.... I can get a little "airy fairy" at times but that's because I'm just a good ol' California hippie chick at heart... and always will be!
tkgirl Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Hark Is that the sound of a mythical rule book being wheeled out? good one!
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I don't know your circle of friends, but I am just saying that many guys do think that way, regardless of whether you agree with them. By the way, I also know guys in their 30s who wouldn't want to marry a woman who has been divorced. Somehow, I suspect you don't believe me about that either, but it is true... The divorced part I believe and understand. The breeding part is just weird and sounds more like a way for aging men to justify dating younger women, for reasons beyond the superficial, where it's solely superficial or a way to avoid commitment. I'm of the belief that anyone can reject anyone for any reason they want but there's no reason under the sun to inflict their bizarre justifications, at the expense of women like BEG and trash on the entire thirties and older women. Just admit that you find the younger ones attractive by personal preference and move on. I've met plenty of men who are dating younger women but they're open about why they're doing it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I just called my fiancé up to ask him about the breeding concerns of thirty-something men v. thirty-something women. He asked me if this was a master race question! Now you know why I love him. He cracks me up. And no, he's never had a convo with any guy or girl friends about age v. breeding concerns.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 The divorced part I believe and understand. The breeding part is just weird and sounds more like a way for aging men to justify dating younger women, for reasons beyond the superficial, where it's solely superficial or a way to avoid commitment. I'm of the belief that anyone can reject anyone for any reason they want but there's no reason under the sun to inflict their bizarre justifications, at the expense of women like BEG and trash on the entire thirties and older women. Just admit that you find the younger ones attractive by personal preference and move on. I've met plenty of men who are dating younger women but they're open about why they're doing it. My last girlfriend was in her late 30s, although she was extremely attractive and looked 10 years younger than her age. However, the whole potential fertility issue eventually became a big problem for us. I would date a younger woman (no younger than mid-20s at the youngest) because I wanted a real relationship, not just some physical thing. Maybe other guys are different.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 My last girlfriend was in her late 30s, although she was extremely attractive and looked 10 years younger than her age. However, the whole potential fertility issue eventually became a big problem for us. I would date a younger woman (no younger than mid-20s at the youngest) because I wanted a real relationship, not just some physical thing. Maybe other guys are different. Did you two actually try to have children or was it that you, she or both of you were concerned about the fertility issue?
Chicago_Guy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Did you two actually try to have children or was it that you, she or both of you were concerned about the fertility issue? No, we weren't married and didn't try to have children, but it was an issue.
Trialbyfire Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 No, we weren't married and didn't try to have children, but it was an issue.Who had the concern and how old are you?
Chicago_Guy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Who had the concern and how old are you? I had the concern. I am 33 now, but was 31 when we broke up. There was more to it than just that, but I don't want to get into the other things here.
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