lfw1983 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Okay so my husband and I have not even been married quite a year we make a year on April 27th. We only knew each other for almost 2 months before we were married and it was the first marriage for both of us. I have 3 children from 2 previous relationships and he had been in an on again off again relationship for almost 12 years since he was 15 with a girl who always cheated on him and who had 3 children while they were together that werent his. After only 2 weeks of marriage we were blindsided by a custody battle with my ex over my youngest son which got me really depressed and which I lost my job over from having to go to court so much. It was hard to deal with and even harder when one night my husband came home and told me he had been at his exs and that he loved her and her kids more than he could ever love me and that he wanted to be with her and wanted a divorce and then called her in front of me and told her he loved her. We fought and he finally left that night and was only gone that night and swore he realized he was stupid and that he had stayed with a male coworker not at the exs house.I took him back because I honestly loved him and I knew it was hard on him because she wouldnt let him see the kids he had raised for the last 10 years unless he was with her. Things seemed okay for awhile but then he started saying rude things to me and got violent with me a few times. Then in December of last year less than 2 weeks before christmas he said he was going out with the guys from work i asked to come along and he said no it was guys night so i went out with my friends. He called and told me to get home and informed me he had slept with his ex and for me to get out. He wouldnt let me take my car or anything. My sister came and got me and I had to stay at her house and he took all the presents for my kids back so they didnt even get to have Christmas which was really hard on me. Everytime I tried to call him he said he needed space and finally after about 2 weeks we talked and went on a few "dates" and finally got back together on New years eve and i told him I would try hard to deal with it and not bring it up but when I got back I found tons of texts between them from when I was gone and pictures of her on his phone and was yet again devestated. I love him and we are still together but I cant seem to forget about it and I bring it up alot which is hurting us. I have insecurity problems with my body because of having the 3 kids I only weight 130 but have issues with a few things still. He paid for her to have a bunch of plastic surgery while they were together so I feel like I am not as pretty or something. How do I get over these issues and be with him...or should I even try?
Athena Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Drama -- he feeds off it. If you stay with your H, your low self-esteem will surely get worse. I wouldn't be surprised if you land up getting a full - blown depression. Staying with him is mentally unhealthy for you and your children -- he kicked you all out, forbade you to take your car, took kids Xmas gifts away, and all because HE effed around on YOU?! Does this make any sense to you? Stop making excuses for his poor treatment of you and your children. And how dare he lift a finger to you?! That physical violence will only escalate with time, its not going to decrease. Face it, you made a mistake getting married to a man who is not able to return your love the way you deserve and need him to. Its not going to clear up on its own. Your staying with him enables him to treat you poorly and at the same time chips away at your inner strengths until one day you will not be able to escape. No good -- leave him. Dump him. For your children's sake, and your own.
LovieDove24 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I have insecurity problems with my body because of having the 3 kids I only weight 130 but have issues with a few things still. He paid for her to have a bunch of plastic surgery while they were together so I feel like I am not as pretty or something. How do I get over these issues and be with him...or should I even try? Sweetie, I mean this in the most supportive way, but you clearly have insecurity issues surrounding WAY more things than your after baby weight. How about your self worth for one? If you truly loved yourself you'd walk away now. You found recent texts from her and pictures of her? Honestly you should have NEVER took him back after that stunt he pulled calling her in front of you saying he loved her more. That is just absurd. But I digress, the past is the past. May I ask a few more questions before I continue on? How old are you? How long was your husband broken up from his ex before he got with you?
princessjay76 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 You need to leave and you need to leave now. If you cannot do it for yourself, then do it for your children....assuming you love them more then this POS you seem to be addicted too. You kids know what is going on. They know this "man" is screwing around on you, they know you fight and they know he hits you. What do you think is going to happen when they tell a neighbor "Daddy hit mommy last night and made her bleed"? What would you do if you heard a kid say that? Do you have girls? Do you have any idea what you are teaching them by staying with this guy? You are showing them that you deserve to be treated this way and they are going to grow up to find men that treat them just like this. Boys? Nothing like showing them that it's ok to hit women because he never saw his mom doing anything about it and she got smacked around. IT IS NEVER NEVER ALRIGHT TO RAISE YOUR HAND TO ANOTHER PERSON, NO MATTER HOW ANGRY YOU GET. Isn't that a major mom rule? Why shouldn't your "husband" have to follow the same rule. Grow up and think of someone other then yourself...like maybe the lives you brought into this world. I don't care if I am being harsh. My father beat my mother all the time, from as far as I can remember to the age of 7 when she finally got the balls to leave. You know what some of my earliest memories are? My father pushing my mother down the stairs. My father throwing a dresser across the room. My father punching my mother in the face and then shoving her through a railing. And none of this happened right in front of us, but we still saw. Get the picture. I was a baby and I can still remember. Don't delusion yourself into thinking your kids don't know. You don't need him because he is not giving you anything other then heartache and misery. You deserve the best you can have in life and you know that the best is not some jagoff that treats you like a pile of **** he smelled in the yard. Start chanting "I DESERVE MORE" and kick his white trash-whore loving-dumb as dirt ass to the curb where garbage like him belongs. If you choose to stay with him that I have a feeling that in another year we're going to be seeing you guys on Jerry Springer. For the record, I have 4 kids and have been in a physically/mentally abusive relationship. I understand that it's hard, I really do. I was able to leave because someone verbally slapped at me. It helped shake me up and I really hope it helps you too.I'll be thinking of you.
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