Nikki Sahagin Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I can't help but wonder........the feeling love can give.....is it a kind of insanity? I'm two years in and STILL feel the exact same way I first did when I 'fell in love' which I think is relatively unusual. The high love gives, the way you can't sleep, can't eat, can't think, can't function without them - is it all a kind of insanity, albeit a pleasurable one?
OpenBook Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Yes, I completely believe that!! It makes you do things you would NEVER do in a normal, rational state of mind. Caution, reason, and clear thinking fly right out the window. Maybe that's why it doesn't last forever!
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 No, love is a choice. You can allow it to happen or you can shut it down.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 No, love is a choice. You can allow it to happen or you can shut it down. I don't believe love is always a choice.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I think there are healthy kinds of of love and then there is like addictive/obsessive kinds of love as well.... I know of a couple right now that probably fall into the category of addictive/obsessive love...if you even want to call it that....its pretty dangerous elements too it actually... its not something I would want to be in, thats for sure...
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I don't believe love is always a choice.Why not? I can walk away from anyone and anything, if I'm not being treated right. Can't you? If you can't, you're not putting enough willpower into moving on or you're in a codependent relationship. From your description, I think it to be the latter. When love becomes an addiction of the magnitude of a major crack cocaine addiction, where you'll kill to get it, it's time to step back a little.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Why not? I can walk away from anyone and anything, if I'm not being treated right. Can't you? If you can't, you're not putting enough willpower into moving on or you're in a codependent relationship. From your description, I think it to be the latter. When love becomes an addiction of the magnitude of a major crack cocaine addiction, where you'll kill to get it, it's time to step back a little. Of course I feel I could walk away from abuse/being cheated on etc, but I think those kinds of feelings in a relationship can be wonderful. I think 'normal' relationships sound quite boring. My relationship is very intense and fiery - there have been in the past abusive elements to it, I had hit my boyfriend 2-3 times, went to therapy and stopped it. So i've sorted a lot of the destructive elements that came about because of that intensity and my own issues, but still in my mind love and craziness kind of go together - but it's controlling the crazy.
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Of course I feel I could walk away from abuse/being cheated on etc, but I think those kinds of feelings in a relationship can be wonderful. I think 'normal' relationships sound quite boring. My relationship is very intense and fiery - there have been in the past abusive elements to it, I had hit my boyfriend 2-3 times, went to therapy and stopped it. So i've sorted a lot of the destructive elements that came about because of that intensity and my own issues, but still in my mind love and craziness kind of go together - but it's controlling the crazy. Nikki, what you're describing isn't a healthy relationship. When you're low, you agitate to get your highs. Real love isn't destructive. It helps you grow due to a solid foundation of trust and respect. What you're describing is restrictive and fueled on drama.
sugarmomma Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 There is nothing insane about love. The two don't go together in any kind of way. JMHO
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Nikki, what you're describing isn't a healthy relationship. When you're low, you agitate to get your highs. Real love isn't destructive. It helps you grow due to a solid foundation of trust and respect. What you're describing is restrictive and fueled on drama. No trust me - I see a therapist to sort out all 'my drama'. I'm not saying my relationship is necessarily perfect, maybe i'll look back one day and see it differently. But my relationship definately isn't destructive for me right now. It has been in the past, which is why as I said I went to see a therapist. I am an intense minded person, but I take much better care of my relationship. I should say on the flip side of the intensity of love, I feel a lot of peace and calm in his arms
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 No trust me - I see a therapist to sort out all 'my drama'. I'm not saying my relationship is necessarily perfect, maybe i'll look back one day and see it differently. But my relationship definately isn't destructive for me right now. It has been in the past, which is why as I said I went to see a therapist. I am an intense minded person, but I take much better care of my relationship. I should say on the flip side of the intensity of love, I feel a lot of peace and calm in his arms I'm also an intense kind of person but there's no way I would buy into a relationship whereby I needed someone to complete me, where I couldn't walk away. That's why I say love is choice. You can choose to allow your emotions to drive your direction or you can choose to control those emotions enough to make good decisions but still experience fiery passion and desire for a loved one. Too much of anything, lack of control or over-control, isn't a good thing. That's why boundaries are a good thing. Within those boundaries, you can allow yourself all the freedom that you want.
loser101 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I can't help but wonder........the feeling love can give.....is it a kind of insanity? I'm two years in and STILL feel the exact same way I first did when I 'fell in love' which I think is relatively unusual. The high love gives, the way you can't sleep, can't eat, can't think, can't function without them - is it all a kind of insanity, albeit a pleasurable one? yes and not always a pleasurable one either. if it starts becoming an obsession you have to do your best to stop it overtaking your life.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 No, love is a choice. You can allow it to happen or you can shut it down. You have got to be kidding. If love was a choice my life would be so much happier. The very fact that I fell in love with a skinny black girl who is nothing like the type of girls that I normally go after (white, long blond hair, big boobs) proves that love is not a choice. I didn't even know how I really felt about her till I had an "Ah crap I'm in love with her?!" moment. Now I can't get the damn girl out of my head. I haven't talked to or even seen her in almost two weeks and yet I still think about her constantly. I REALLY wish I was able to choose to not fall for her. Everything would be so much easier. I fcken hate falling for girls. It brings me nothing but pain and misery.
carhill Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 No, love is a choice. You can allow it to happen or you can shut it down. I gotta tell ya, TBF, I really think you should be right about this, but I don't know anymore. Is there something beyond love? I mean, from my M, I understood how I chose to love my W and all that, and if that was all I had experienced in my life I'd believe you without reservation. I have reservations. By the time I figure them out, I'll likely be dead so my insights will be of no good to anyone. Guess I'll have to keep living Edited to add, for the OP, that, for myself, the love in my M was not what I would consider insanity, though it was a strong bond on many levels. In my other situation, insanity would be a nice vacation in the Bahamas
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I feel like love could involve a sort of suspended reality (that thing that makes you think the way he snorts when he laughs is cute when you're dating, but later makes you nuts) but I don't think it's literal insanity. For me, every time I've fallen in love, I recall a moment where I "let" myself fall. For me, ultimately it has been a choice. IOW, I realize that Person X has certain qualities that are giving me butterflies and that I mesh with, etc. but I also, even in the heat of the moment, always realize that there could possibly be other people out there who will make me feel the same way. They're few and far between so that's taken a leap of faith on my part in the past. (I'm currently married, though.) Anyway...that's why I believe that if I were to think I was "in love with" someone while I was married, or while the other person was married or otherwise unavailable, or with some other big "no-no" going on, I would manage not to let myself, at that last second, "fall". And it's not like it's easy, but it's doable for me...makes me almost feel like I'm just not romantic, if love doesn't literally grab me whether I want it or not. I wonder.
porter218 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 No, love is a choice. You can allow it to happen or you can shut it down. No way. I had no choice in the matter. Even when I have hated his guts the most I still was deeply in love with him. Even though I am going through a D with him I will always love him, but I wish I didn't. Pure insanity!!
Quinch Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I think love is when you open yourself up completely to someone and you make yourself completely vulnerable to them and you trust them not to hurt you. That's my definition. Yes, it can be a wonderful thing as long as it is two people sharing their lives together as equal partners but it can go too far and become dangerous. You can rely too much on the other person for all your happiness and, if they fail you, your life collapses in on itself. Making them responsible for that is unfair on them because they're only human beings with as much weakness as anyone else. You need to rely on yourself in life and stand on your own two feet. That's why I'm always cynical when people say "I couldn't live without him" or "I'll love her forever." They're setting themselves up for a fall. A good relationship will last maybe 50 or 60 years - that's not forever. The best thing you can do is make the most of every minute that you are together and remember how lucky you are.
Trialbyfire Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 If love isn't a choice, how are people capable of moving on with their lives, when breakup or divorce happen? Logically speaking, you would always hold that person in your heart, leaving no room for anyone else, which does happen in an unhealthy, lifelong obsession, but not often.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Choosing to fall in love or not is a very different thing from being able to move on. Love is like an infection. You don't choose to get sick, but it will heal over time.
Adri Ana Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I'm two years in and STILL feel the exact same way I first did when I 'fell in love' which I think is relatively unusual Then you are very lucky to experience Thiswhat for others is just a dreamful hope or a hopeful dream .
Trialbyfire Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 carhill, I've never asked them this question in such a direct fashion. I do know they've not always approved of some of the men I've gotten involved with, in the past and have suggested that I would be better off without them, for all kinds of different reasons, regardless of the element of love.
carhill Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I ask because I've known a few elderly couples, some family and some friends, where one spouse essentially lost the will to live after the other died and themselves died shortly thereafter. I won't say it's pervasive, but there must be something to it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Sometimes people invest everything into another person, making that person their reason for living. I don't think this is healthy. Also, IMO, when some people get elderly, I sometimes think they look for reasons to turn their faces into the wall, since they get so tired of living.
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