crystal_lostheart Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Back to the original thread - maybe a MM can love the OW - But I bet they love themselves more...
White Flower Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Back to the original thread - maybe a MM can love the OW - But I bet they love themselves more... I'm sure this is the case more often than not.
OWoman Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Is it possible for the MM to really LOVE the OW? Love her, yes. Respect her, no not possible... Mr. Lucky Because I don't think that you put someone you respect in that position and ask of them what a MM must ask of the OW... Mr. Lucky If SHE's making the proposition, HE's not doing the asking...
jwi71 Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 Well, my stbxw is still seeing her lover. So I guess her feelings for him were stronger than I initially thought. I guess, ime, that it is possible for them to develop very strong feelings in a very short amount of time.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 16, 2009 Posted May 16, 2009 If SHE's making the proposition, HE's not doing the asking... You're right. He probably won't ever ask her to keep the relationship a secret. Or to not call him on the home phone. Or to not use his regular email address. Or to understand why he can't be there at certain times. Most MM don't ask anything of their OW ... Mr. Lucky
OWoman Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 You're right. He probably won't ever ask her to keep the relationship a secret. Or to not call him on the home phone. Or to not use his regular email address. Or to understand why he can't be there at certain times. Most MM don't ask anything of their OW ... Mr. Lucky I know you're being sarcastic, but my H certainly didn't "ask" any of that of me. In fact, none of my MMs ever have, so if I were to base it on my own lived experience, then yes, MMs don't ask anything of their OW.
Gamine Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 I know you're being sarcastic, but my H certainly didn't "ask" any of that of me. In fact, none of my MMs ever have, so if I were to base it on my own lived experience, then yes, MMs don't ask anything of their OW. Wow! If your MM were out in the open with you then perhaps you were actually involved with a man with an open marriage or a man who is technically separated but still sharing the same home with his wife. I don't know if most MM permit or encourage their OW to call their home, email them at their home base account, and spend the entirety of holidays or their day to day lives with the OW. If the MM did so, then while he may have been technically married, he was not living as married and it would not be the same thing at all...
2sure Posted May 18, 2009 Posted May 18, 2009 Certainly, it is possible for a WS to truly love anyone other than their spouse. Possible, but in the case of affairs...it usually turns out that something else was mistaken for love. For MM (MW) the best part of the affair, the thing that is addicting, the part they feel they cant live without, that they take risks to have.... Is OW (OM) being in love with them. More often than not, the ultimate result turns out to be that they were both in love with the same person.
NoIDidn't Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Certainly, it is possible for a WS to truly love anyone other than their spouse. Possible, but in the case of affairs...it usually turns out that something else was mistaken for love. For MM (MW) the best part of the affair, the thing that is addicting, the part they feel they cant live without, that they take risks to have.... Is OW (OM) being in love with them. More often than not, the ultimate result turns out to be that they were both in love with the same person. I love the bolded part. So true. They usually are both in love with THEMSELVES. LOL. Psychologists call it mirroring. They both love the way they FEEL and think its love for the other. And it usually is discovered to be such. I still believe that a MP can definitely love their OP, but I think most of the time it really just comes down to mirroring.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 I know you're being sarcastic, but my H certainly didn't "ask" any of that of me. In fact, none of my MMs ever have, so if I were to base it on my own lived experience, then yes, MMs don't ask anything of their OW. Unless you're implying that, as an experienced OW, you already knew the rules then I'm going to simply say that I don't believe you. Read the threads on this very forum - for obvious reasons, a MM doesn't want his OW to call the house, send him email, make a call that will show up on his cell bill, etc. Why would you say otherwise ??? Mr. Lucky
OWoman Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 Unless you're implying that, as an experienced OW, you already knew the rules then I'm going to simply say that I don't believe you. Read the threads on this very forum - for obvious reasons, a MM doesn't want his OW to call the house, send him email, make a call that will show up on his cell bill, etc. Why would you say otherwise ??? Mr. Lucky OTC, there was nothing "hidden" about our A. The only one who did not know about it was his then-W - his family, friends, colleagues all knew us as a couple. And, had his then-W not lived such an entirely separate life from him, she'd have known too. But I guess she wasn't that interested in what he did or who he video chatted with on the webcam through the night in his bed or who was at his side when he went places, or she'd have found out pretty quickly. When she was told, she chose not to believe it, so clearly she was very invested in her parallel universe. WRT other previous As - no, there was never any "don't call me / mail me / blow my cover" deal either. Nor was it that I'd inhaled some mythical OW handbook either. I'm not the clingy type that's in someone's face all the time, but when I wanted whichever MM it was I'd call him up - yes, on his official phone - and tell him, or send him a text or an email - yes, to his official mail address - if that suited me better. Things seem different there in the USA but both in my home country and here in the UK I can't say I've met any guy whose W has access to his cellphone or email account... aside from my H, ironically.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2009 Posted May 20, 2009 OTC, there was nothing "hidden" about our A. The only one who did not know about it was his then-W - his family, friends, colleagues all knew us as a couple. Do you read what you post? I got a good laugh out of "there was nothing "hidden" about our A. The only one who did not know about it was his then-W" until I realized that you weren't intentionally trying to be funny... Mr. Lucky
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