rakula Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I find that when I ask a girl out on a date that the girl ends up just thinking it's two friends going out for dinner. I can see that being confusing if you already know this person as a friend for a while, however if it's someone you don't know that well at first then I'd think having dinner together would be a date where you are trying to get to know each other. I guess it's possible for new friends to do the same thing. So I ask you how exactly do you give the single that she is on a date? Thanks.
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 LOL good question. I have no idea why women think a man and a woman going out alone, is strictly a friend thing. Does a man really have to say, "Look stupid it's just me and you, I don't need or want a platonic lady friend, this is a date." Unfortunately it seems women are dense in this area or they are playing dense. Either way, to make sure she knows it's date, you must flirt with hear, touch her, tease her, look deeply into her eyes etc. You also need to try and kiss her by the 2nd or 3rd outing. If you go beyond 3 dates and you haven't kissed her you are now friends. And now stuck in the pit of hell known as the "friendzone" for all eternity, enjoy.
voldigicam Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I'm just charming, very polite, interested, and lots of eye contact. I'm generally this way with everyone. I truly enjoy being with people in general. Maybe living like a hermit does it! But they'll be an opening and the nice chat can turn into something more. Or not. I'm often extending an invitation, creating an opening. If someone wants to step in, that's great. If I clearly wanted to go on a "date" with a closer relationship in mind, I would probably make my interest quietly known ahead of time, then behave the same way. Open an invitation, then dance with whatever the other does. It's one thing to kiss someone, it's another to have them come to you, lean into your shoulder, nuzzle your neck, then lift their lips for a kiss. You've really got something then! Being needy, aggressive, self-centered, etc. cheats you of the experience of another and generally turns off well-centered females. The ones it doesn't turn off probably aren't ideal! Good luck
BobSacamento Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I would say give the opportunity for a kiss. Move in and see what happens. If she just wants to be friends she'll give the hug or she will show her side cheek for the side cheek kiss. I believe that's usually a sign that she's not interested and just being nice by not pulling away. Moral of the story - GO FOR IT!
Timmers Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 ^ Bob, it can backfire if he tries to kiss her too early. Take your time with it and if the mood feels right, then yeah go for it. To her the end of the 1st date may still be a bit early for a kiss.
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Can any women please post in this thread? What do you think it means when a guy wants to spend the day or have dinner alone with you? Do women think men are looking for platonic friendships with them? What makes you know that it's date? Answers to those questions are greatly appreciated.
sam light Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Depending on the situation it is definately possible for men and women to go out on a non date. I go out with my drinking buddies and it's not a date. I've been out with female relatives and it's not a date. Been to lunch with co-worker women and it's not a date. If you don't have a grasp of her feelings, at dates end tell her you always get a kiss after a date. Then fire off a quick one. If she wants more, go for it. If she seems withdrawn etc then say thanks, see you later. And leave fast. (that keeps it from getting too awkward) If she accept future date offers she will make clear to you if it's not a date date. If she doesn't make it clear then she knows it's a date date
Timmers Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Ok so I'm not a woman but I just asked my sister these questions and I agree with her answers. She said most girls will know, obviously, that it's a romantic date if a guy asks her out for dinner. But some will be coy and act innocent -- that means they want the guy to pursue them further and make it pretty clear he's interested in her. You can do this by lightly touching her arm, back, etc when the moment's right (ex: you're leading her inside the restaurant with a light touch on the small of her back).
samspade Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 You need to amp up your flirtation and make it clear (but in a subtle way) that you are interested in her romantically. And go for a kiss - that will tell you all you need to know. And don't do dinner. Who wouldn't say yes to a free meal? Ask her out to drinks or something casual and brief; you'll get a better idea of whether she is interested in being with YOU.
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 OK having dinner together if it's the first meal you have together is a date. But lunch isn't? What about if you have lunch, then go to her apartment then to yours and while she's sitting on your couch she is talking about her sexual history in explicit detail. Then right before you decide to make a move her phone rings and her Dad is ready to take her back to her parents house for the weekend. What the heck do you call that?? Here's another example. Meet up for lunch, then go to the beach and walk around, then take her back to your place for a little Wii fun then going out to eat dinner. The whole time I was also constantly flirting, teasing and touching her. I now realize that the only thing that makes friends hanging out different from a date, is that on or after the event there is kissing or sex. I must have had at least 10 "non-dates" with her. So it seems the kiss is the key.
BobSacamento Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 ^ Bob, it can backfire if he tries to kiss her too early. Take your time with it and if the mood feels right, then yeah go for it. To her the end of the 1st date may still be a bit early for a kiss. Well sure it depends on the situation and the woman. But if he wants to show her it's a date, you make a move.
runner Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 ^ Bob, it can backfire if he tries to kiss her too early. Take your time with it and if the mood feels right, then yeah go for it. To her the end of the 1st date may still be a bit early for a kiss. learnt this one the hard way oh the ol' trial and error
monkey00 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I don't think there's any real way to differentiate. The best way is to keep the romance up by flirting, light touching, teasing, offering to pay..and especially the kiss at the end of the night. I've taken women/friends out to lunch/dinner 1on1, with a mix of the above. And either they may flake out, and you'll never hear from them again or you guys are still friends. I notice that a lot of women are often guilt-free and would not be hesitant to pass up a free meal. Especially the ones that complain that they're broke (which they may be). Still even if a girl is interested sexually, she wouldn't complain about being broke in the first place. You will have an answer if she accept another date. If you don't hear from her again after that...NEXT!
Author rakula Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 I'm just charming, very polite, interested, and lots of eye contact. I'm generally this way with everyone. I truly enjoy being with people in general. Maybe living like a hermit does it! But they'll be an opening and the nice chat can turn into something more. Or not. I'm often extending an invitation, creating an opening. If someone wants to step in, that's great. If I clearly wanted to go on a "date" with a closer relationship in mind, I would probably make my interest quietly known ahead of time, then behave the same way. Open an invitation, then dance with whatever the other does. It's one thing to kiss someone, it's another to have them come to you, lean into your shoulder, nuzzle your neck, then lift their lips for a kiss. You've really got something then! Being needy, aggressive, self-centered, etc. cheats you of the experience of another and generally turns off well-centered females. The ones it doesn't turn off probably aren't ideal! Good luck How do you let her know quietly ahead of time? Like verbally or non verbally? I think the problem is that I'm a bit too shy to go for the kiss. If the kiss is the only way (other than sex) that defines a date. Then that could be a problem. I hear alot of go for the kiss advice here. I suppose that's pretty much the way to go about doing it. I also hear some light touching of the small of the back works as well? I've had some mixed signals when it comes to touch where I'd be holding a girls hand for pretty much for most of the movie (she didn't seem adverse to it). Then I pretty much went for the kiss later that night didnt' seem to work out so well. So I think I'm not picking up on something somewhere here.
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 There is a huge difference between trying to go for the kiss at the end of the date and trying to kiss her during the date. I'd actually think that the after date kiss is more awkward. Light touching is nothing, seriously. If a girl is comfortable with you, you can pretty do every thing you want to her short of grabbing her ass or tits. The most important thing about touching a girl is that you have to be comfortable with it. If you are nervous she will sense it and it will make her uncomfortable.
IcemanJB Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I never understood why some people put a timetable on when you should kiss a girl, like "at the end of the 2nd date you should kiss her". Really? How about kissing her when it seems right? It could be in the middle of the outing, near the end, hell even after the 6th time you've hung out. I've never been turned down using this thinking. Just go with the flow. The first kiss is my favorite thing about getting to know a new girl. There's just a certain point where something clicks in my mind saying "do it NOW" and it works. You cannot be hesitant or seem nervous. The last one for example: we were sitting on my couch watching some TV, about 8pm on a Friday night. I made a smart-ass comment, so she tried tickling me as revenge, and we ended up holding hands through the exchange. I could tell she was getting a bit worked up (couldn't keep her leg still, would not stop talking), so I gently turned her face towards mine (with her in mid-sentence) with my fingers and we went in for the kiss at the same time. It was AWESOME. She had to calm down for a few minutes shortly after because her heart was racing so fast (hell, mine was too), but we continued thereafter. Basically I think putting timetables on when you should do X with a girl is stupid. When the time is right, the time is right. Just be confident and do your part of showing interest without looking like a creeper.
somedude81 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 IcemanJB, Would you rather find out that a girl has on interest in you on the 6th date or the 2nd date? How about taking 4 months to find out that she never liked you? There is such a thing as waiting too long. She may have interest in you in the beginning but after repeated hangouts she will pretty much think of you as a friend. I have gone through this with several different girls. Making a move is something that should happen sooner then later. It will be easier on both you and the girl to get a rejection and not let the friendship drag on. I do agree with you that a "do it NOW" thing happens in your mind and it's very important that you actually do it. I think I've had two of those happen with this girl and I still regret not acting upon it. BTW how come a single girl hasn't posted in this thread? Is there some kind of girl code where they want to keep this a secret or something?
IcemanJB Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Well for sure I'd like to know sooner than later. And I agree that something like 4 months is definitely on the extreme for not making a move, but it's happened I'm sure. Actually, the last one I dated, we knew each other and hung out sporadically (like monthly) for about 6 months before really starting to see each other (the one I mentioned earlier). It really usually comes down to the guy making the first move, but you'll only get one, two, MAYBE three of those "do it NOW" moments early on. If you're hesitant and wait too long, she'll probably start thinking you're not interested in her, and bam you're friend zoned. All I was saying was putting a timetable is stupid because every girl and every situation is different.
Kamille Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Hi folks! I think the tricky part is that she has to know before the date that it's a date. So letting her know happens when you ask her out (yes at the risk of being rejected flat out - but hey, at least then you won't have wasted time and/or money). Ways to do that have been mentioned as things to do on the date: touch her when you are asking her out, or ask her out in unambiguous ways. The catch sentence "do you want to go out, just you and me", while smiling and leaning is usually hard to misconstrue. Trimmer's sister is right though. The problem lies in the fact that if I already feel attraction for a guy, I will be hoping it's a date, no matter how he does the asking. If a I'm undecided, I might go in thinking it's most likely a date and then, if feelings don't spark, I might try to muster out of any romantic engagements by downplaying it as a friend thing at the end of the date. I know, I know, I'm sorry for ever doing that and I'll try to handle things differently in the future (pointers on how to do that welcomed). But, the moral of the story is women who friend you at the end of a date are trying to passively and nicely tell you you're a great guy but they didn't feel that spark.
BubblyPopcorn Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Well if she’s not a friend, and you invited her to dinner with just the two of you, then she would most likely perceive that as a date. You don’t have to kiss her on the first date, but you can show affection in other ways like some of the other posts mentioned. I wasn’t kissed on my recent date but he was affectionate towards me in other ways which I liked and he mentioned going out again so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. So perhaps keep it lightly affectionate and if you like her after the first date and it goes well, arrange a second date and go from there.
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