It's like, a switch was flipped! This is fabulous.

[zilverenvlinder]

As some of you may know, I have been seeing this guy J, for four months. Four months, yes. After the third month I was pretty much convinced that after no relationship or exclusivity talk, that this was going to end up being a fling, no matter how much I wanted it to be more.

 

But instead of being my typical needy self, I played a little game. During this four months, I haven't once brought up the words "girlfriend", "ex", "relationship". I haven't cried in front of him. (Except for once, when my best friend moved far, far away...) I haven't told him about any past relationships, and haven't asked him about any of his. I haven't complained about anything, picked any fights, or shown any sign of weakness.

 

So, after awhile, I decided this man was a commitmentphobe. He introduced me as his "friend" to people in public. He rarely called me unless it was to "hang out". No "just called to say hi" texts. Ever.

 

Until Wednesday. I went to the bar with him and I had a few too many. I let my guard down, as vodka will often help do. A guy I work with saw us at the bar, said hello, and said, "Hey, who's this? This your boyfriend?"

 

J just smiled at him. The guy walked away.

 

I grabbed him by the shoulders, looked him (drunkenly) in his beautiful blue eyes, and said, "I'm your girlfriend, aren't I?"

 

He said, "Yes. Yes you are." He grabbed my hand, went up to his friends, and said, "Hey guys! Hey. You've met my girlfriend, haven't you? This is my girlfriend." All grins. (Keep in mind, I've met his friends PLENTY of times.)

 

Thursday. A mutual friend of ours (the one that kind of introduced us) emails me with, "Z! Why didn't you TELL ME?!"

 

I replied with, "What the hell are you talking about?"

 

She says, "Hey, J just basically told me you guys were official! I didn't know!"

 

My heart nearly exploded. I couldn't believe what was happening. I was so close to just ending it because I never thought this would happen.

 

Then, J emails me with, "Hey, you having a good day? Just wanted to say hi, baby."

 

Keep in mind...this NEVER HAPPENS.

 

He had a scheduled trip to Tucson with his brother today. So I just get a drunken text: "I miss you sexy, I'm kinda drunk, I wish you were here"...etc etc. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

 

And all of a sudden, he wants to go out with me and my parents and brother tomorrow. He wants to meet my parents??

 

I am in total shock. It's like, a light just turned on in his head. What the hell do you think it was? Is this typical with most men? Do they just suddenly DECIDE they want a relationship with the girl they're flinging it with?

 

How do I handle this? Do I still act the same cool, collected way I've been acting? Or can I let go a little? I really really don't want to mess this up now that I've hooked him...or THINK I've hooked him...I don't know... I've never been in this situation before! Can I call him my boyfriend to people I know in public?

[xpaperxcutx]

Wow, what a lovely story. Now aren't you glad you waited?

[boldjack]

Z, Yes, I think that you can introduce him as your boyfriend. It seems to me that he has made a decision to be a couple. That's great!! Good Luck

[MN randomguy]

Be your cool self,

 

He likes the person that you've presented to him. Don't decide that you can be super clingy. But, return his affection when he reaches out to you like he has been.

 

Yeah, I dunno if he was waiting to bring it up to you about being a couple, but it sounds like you both fell into it.

[SoulSearch_CO]

He wouldn't be calling you his GF in front of his friends and especially not telling your mutual friend that you are "official" if he didn't mean it. How cute. Maybe he was just waiting for you to open up a little bit before he did. He didn't want to call you his GF and scare you off before you were ready.

 

So, yes - I'd say you can call him your BF in public.

[voldigicam]

Keep control! Be your confident self. Certainly don't whine. I hate that!

 

If he likes strong, find the limits . . . .

[DarkestDreams]

 

But instead of being my typical needy self, I played a little game. During this four months, I haven't once brought up the words "girlfriend", "ex", "relationship". I haven't cried in front of him. (Except for once, when my best friend moved far, far away...) I haven't told him about any past relationships, and haven't asked him about any of his. I haven't complained about anything, picked any fights, or shown any sign of weakness.

 

I plan to do the same with the next guy I like!

 

Your story is so "awww", I'm really happy things worked out for you.

[zilverenvlinder]

Thanks everybody! I'm really glad about it. (Especially if you read my posts at all about being unceremoniously dumped after two years six months ago by a cheating manipulator... I think I deserve something halfway decent to happen to me...)

 

Girl, yes! You need to play this game. I know that everyone says "don't play games, don't play games"...but if you reveal too much too soon it scares them off... so it's not really game playing, it's just not being too needy sounding and clingy, I guess.

 

Another thing...from a previous living situation I recently (as in today) acquired a large, really nice flat screen (but not HD) TV that I don't really need. J has a really small crappy TV in his room and the picture wavers, and I don't need the money for the big TV I have. Do you think it would be too much for me to just give him the TV I didn't even know I was getting, or do you think it would be a nice thing for me to do? I mean, I'm sure he'd love the TV but I don't know if he thinks I'm like showering him with gifts to get attention from him... (for his birthday I got him something really expensive.)

[SoulSearch_CO]

Maybe you could tell him about the TV and make it sound like you just need somewhere to park it for the time being. Would he mind holding onto it for you? LOL That's what I'm doing with mine. This way he still gets the use out of it, but it's still technically yours - no pressure.