Feeling like your best days are already behind you..

[sockpuppet]

I have to apologize in advance, I feel like I've sought a disproportionate amount of advice versus what I've given so far. I hope I can start to contribute more.

 

I'm only 24 but I find myself feeling like I have memories of experiences that I'll never match, and a series of traumatic events happened to change me so much that I find myself in many ways a person that I don't like, making me wish I was the same guy I was 2 years ago.

 

I don't think I had the stereotypical college experience...I spent a lot of it transferring between schools so I never developed an in-depth, lasting friend-network. I studied abroad in Russia my junior year. It was life changing. I had been traveling all over Europe for years before that, but this was entirely different. I think I actually found myself when I was there, and managed to lose myself at the same time. I can't even describe how amazing it was. On top of that, I found myself at a social pinnacle, of course it's an isolated environment but I was "that guy" that all the girls at least seemed to want.

 

I ended up falling in love with a beautiful, fun, smart girl in my group and we dated for a little over a year. It wasn't a typical relationship since most of it was spent in Europe and we lived together for a lot of it. It was story book though, in every way, except for when I exposed a massive insecurity I had with her past. It ended up destroying the relationship, and leaving me feeling guilty for hurting her (I did a LOT) and regretful for destroying the deepest, most tender relationship I've experienced with someone who I thought was "the one."

 

Since then, it's been about 2 years. In that time, I feel like nothing has gone right for me. I've woken up every day feeling like crap. I'm sure I was clinically depressed for a portion of it. My senior year of college was a bust simply because I knew almost no one at my school and had little time for extra curriculars...also I lacked confidence from my then-recent heartbreak with the ex.

 

After getting out of school, I've had an impossible time of finding a job, meeting girls is SO hard, and honestly it seems like nobody's interested in me anyways. I used to not even have to try...now even when I do, I get lukewarm interest. I've gone on dates but haven't liked anyone. To make matters worse, I started balding when I hit 22 and I've got a clear case of receding hair and a shiny baldspot on my crown.

 

I'm almost at my limit, with this stress. I can't help but think back to when things seemed to be the exact opposite. I miss who I was, not doubting myself, being able to love others without being terrified of being hurt. I miss laughing easily.

 

I've taken lots of action to build myself back up but its been slow and painful. I got into bartending but have not worked around my own age group as of yet. I went to Spain and Italy for a summer of volunteering, was amazing but only a band-aid. I've tried online dating, dating through friends, changing cities. I'm joining the Marine Corps soon, and even though I'm excited for that, I'm sad because I'm entering a new phase of my life still feeling like a total failure from the last.

 

I recently got in touch with my ex from that time, and she woke up parts o me I didn't know had been dead. That tender, caring part of me, the one that remembers how I felt and acted before it all fell apart. It's been 2 years since we broke up and seeing her once made me fall for her all over again. I thought she might feel the same way, seeing me and acknowleding we had something we'll likely not find again in a long time, but she of course doesn't. Seeing her recently brought all the feelings of frustration, regret, pain, guilt, and loss as well as happiness in remembering how good things used to be and what I used to have. I still feel like she was the one, but she doesn't feel like I'm the one anymore, and given the way things've sucked for me I don't blame her.

 

Sorry this is so long. Reading over it, it looks so negative and weepy. I can't risk bringing any of my few friends down with talking about it so I figured I'd vent here. I've also tried Landmark Education, if anyone's heard of it. I've done the whole "positive thinking" bit but I don't have the patience or the faith to think it'll change anything. I happen to be best friends with a guy who ALWAYS has things go his way...Being a good best friend I hooked him up with one of my good friends I was in Russia with (we almost had a relationship but it never panned out), and now they're together all the time, so I just all but gave away my two best remaining friends.

 

I'm looking for anything...advice, experiences, perspective, whatever. I don't know how to give anyone else a chance when I lived out my fantasy (traveling the world) with a girl that fit me in almost every way. I HATE feeling like the good times are past, and I worry that I'll spend a significant part of the rest of my life either trying to get back to the way I was, or mourning the loss of it.

[Ronni_W]

feelings of frustration, regret, pain, guilt, and loss

Sometimes it helps to start somewhere, so...

If you had to guess, which one of those feelings is holding you back the most?

That is, if you could get rid of only one, which would you choose to eliminate because it is causing you to feel the crappiest and most pessimistic about your future?

[quankanne]

I think that's tied in with age. At 23, I was appalled at the fact that I'd someday be 40 years old ... and I'm usually pretty unflappable. I figured that the best years were my twenties, a young coed with ample fish in the sea to pursue, yadda yadda.

 

when I hit my 30s, I stopped obsessing over it, and now at 43, it seems like I've done a complete reversal: The best is yet to come. I'm at a sweet spot in my life – I have a job I like, I live in a house and drive a newer model car, I've got a ton of young friends who more than make up for the fact that we're childless, I married a guy who, for the most part, is easy to be with.

 

once you conquor those one or two things you feel signify your "success," it's a cakewalk from there on out. For me, that was finding a job I love and being in a committed relationship.

 

so, while these things are bothering you and worrying you, understand this isn't how it's going to be the rest of your life. The future's wide open and the opportunities for the happiness or success you want increases every moment.

[sockpuppet]

I think that's tied in with age. At 23, I was appalled at the fact that I'd someday be 40 years old ... and I'm usually pretty unflappable. I figured that the best years were my twenties, a young coed with ample fish in the sea to pursue, yadda yadda.

 

when I hit my 30s, I stopped obsessing over it, and now at 43, it seems like I've done a complete reversal: The best is yet to come. I'm at a sweet spot in my life – I have a job I like, I live in a house and drive a newer model car, I've got a ton of young friends who more than make up for the fact that we're childless, I married a guy who, for the most part, is easy to be with.

 

once you conquor those one or two things you feel signify your "success," it's a cakewalk from there on out. For me, that was finding a job I love and being in a committed relationship.

 

so, while these things are bothering you and worrying you, understand this isn't how it's going to be the rest of your life. The future's wide open and the opportunities for the happiness or success you want increases every moment.

 

You're right...though I know plenty of people who still long after "the one that got away" and miss the good old days, and I don't want to be that way.

 

As it feels now, it feels like everyone's passing me by in those respects. WTF do all the women go once you get out of college?