Confused5433 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Im so overwhelmed with nostalgia right now. Every romantic song/movie reflects a part of our relationship and makes me so sad. It will be almost 1yr 3months since I last saw my ex, and I still can't get him out of my head and worst out of my heart. Every morning I wake up thinking of him, during the day our story flashes through my mind like a movie, and at night I always wish he would be laying his face next to mine. EVERYDAY, is like torture. I was doing so good last year, I don't know what's happening. Time was suppose to heal, but instead with time my feelings for him are getting deeper. I don't know what to do anymore. The truth: I still love him SO much! I said it finally. I lied to everyone around, only LS member, God and myself know what I feel inside. I Miss Him Terribly!! Any words will help so much.
BCCA Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I'm really sorry to hear that you're down. I think everyone here knows exactly how you feel, it can be a miserable reality. I can certainly relate to the constant reminders, because after being with someone for a long time, you have memories with them in so many places. Songs, tv shows, resturants, phrases, certain words even...all of them can hit you like a ton of bricks. I had to learn the hard way that the only person that can pull you out of a funk is yourself. Time is only relevant if you're doing what you need to in order to get past it. It's like when someone dies, you mourn for a while, and you never forget about them, but life must go on. Your relationship has died. You can mourn it forever, or you can work on moving on. What are you doing with your spare time? I'm sure you've been asked this a million times, and probably know what the normal advice is, but are you really putting yourself out there? Not even neccesarily to date, but even just to have some fun. You can go out with friends and have fun. I had to look myself in the mirror over and over, and tell myself to move on. It's not easy, but you can't wait around forever in case he changes his mind. Life is really too precious for that, you shouldn't waste it on a lost cause. Also, to some degree, you'll probably always love him. Not always in the relationship sort of way, but even if I don't speak to any of my ex's they still have a place in my heart. Relationships and failures are part of what makes you who you are. As generic as it sounds, when you pull through this, you'll be so much stronger and wiser. You have to allow yourself to heal. It's over, you know it is, and the relationship you had is no longer. Remember it for what it was, learn from it, and believe in yourself enough to forge ahead with your life.
Author Confused5433 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 You have no idea how much your words mean to me. Everything you wrote was so right. I never thought of the relationship as dead. When I read your words, it shocked me! I never wanted to accept it that way. Somewhere inside of me there is still hope alive, that's why I still hold on and suffer. Not the hope to come back to him, but just a hope that he still feels in some way love for me too. I don't want that to die Ever, not for me nor for him. Call it denial. I can't accept it, it kills me inside to think that he doesn't care and probably forgot about me. That couldn't be, right? Your right, I will always love him, Always. He meant so much, my first love, and will forever hold such a special place in my heart. I tried so hard to pull myself back up and succeded last year. But for some reason this yr specially after the holidays, the many weddings, relatives/friends leaving to other cities, all of it has made me miss him so much more. I want to share all this events with him, I guess I'm just lonely right now. Going out with friends and just having fun doesn't happen with me because my good friends are now married and/or have moved away. I really don't have any single friends/family close by anymore. I have to start all over again and build new friendships and putting myself out there. Thank you again...I will take all your advice into consideration and try each day harder and harder to move on. I just hope I can one day love someone so much more than I loved my ex, one day... Did it happen to you?
BCCA Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 It's much easier said than done, but accepting that you have to do it is the first step. I think your ex will always remember you and the times you shared, but he'll never want the same thing as you, so it really doesn't matter. All you have left are memories. Like I said, you don't have to stop loving him to move on, but you do have to love yourself a lot more. I know exactly what you mean. At my age, it's not only that people are dating someone, they're either marrying them or already married. And seriously, weddings are a dissapointment from my experience. Almost everyone there is taken. I really don't hang out with many of my old friends any more. I either go out with people from work, or my brother. You have to just take any and all opportunities to get out. I've accepted some random invites and had a good time. Sometimes you meet people, sometimes not, but there is still fun to be had. One day you will love someone more than your ex, I can promise you that. You will fall in love again if you let yourself. Just focus on getting out and doing whatever you can to be around new people. The rest will work itself out
boldjack Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Confused, I think that what you are doing in your life will eventually get you over him and on to your next, (and maybe better, love). But in the mean time, you will have to deal with the memories as best you can. I can tell you that it doesn't go away, only seem more remote. I once really loved a Lady but we split up (in an LDR that didn't work) and I haven't heard from her in many years. I was driving home from work and turned on the radio and they were playing "who's crying Now", by Journey. This lady and I used to slowdance to that song, when we were together. For a moment, it was as if the years were gone and we were still in love. It was a good, warm, feeling. Someday, you will look back and think the same. Maybe you will cry, but they will be tears of remembrance.
Author Confused5433 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 BCCA and Boldjack, Thank you so much for your advice. YOu're both so right. BCCA you gave me hope that I will find someone better. You know since my last post, I have forced myselft to keep so busy. In these last days I haven't thought of him at all. I have so much to do in my life, and thank you both because for some miracle I have a renewed sense of self and just a motivation to keep going. Boldjack you're right about remembering. I always will somehow, and cry a little but it will be a sweet memory to think of him. He will forever live there. Sometime I think how much I'm wasting my time dwellling. I have those days when I cry and remember. And then there are those days that I just snap out of it and keep moving on. It's an up and down cycle, but that's how life is sometimes, right? And then I think he is fine, probably very happy or fighting to get there with someone. If he is doing it, I assume, why not me. I deserve that too. I def have to love myself so much more than I have and take care of myself like I use to. That's why I was so much better last year, I set new goals that I'm passionate about (triathlon/fitness/traveling) and journeyed my way to accomplish them. That's it! I'm starting my triathlon training again! I really appreciate both of you for taking the time to write to me and I truly hope you both find (if you don't have it already) the happiness and companionship that we all desire to have one day.
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