Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Looking for your thoughts/opinions here. When an ex doesn't know about the concept or strategy of NC how do they really feel when they get no response when they text you? If you been in the situation (dumper) how did it feel for you? Also, why would an ex who has a new BF still text me?
nycmikey Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Well i think it depends on how long it has been,I have dumped my xgf and she dumped me,and me personally i am very emotional so it would drive me crazy crazy when she wouldnt respond,really get my wheels spinning,as far as contacting u,not quite sure how long again the break up was,but maybe she is thinking she made a mistake or see if she has u wrapped around her finger.Example my xgf left me 4 yrs ago and i was pretty much over her and she would not stop bothering me so i gave in and took her back well the bottom line is it didnt work then and its not workin now,she just dumped me for the last time 3 weeks ago,fell off the face of the earth,so naturally im devastated.I often think I should have never done it,look how it ended up,well good luck
BCCA Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 When an ex doesn't know about the concept or strategy of NC how do they really feel when they get no response when they text you? You mean you didn't officially tell her you were going no contact? Doesn't matter, I doubt she's going to be too phased if she has a boyfriend. You were just an alternative source of attention. If you been in the situation (dumper) how did it feel for you? It doesn't matter because... Also, why would an ex who has a new BF still text me? Youre a back up plan, or if nothing else, she's just looking to use you for emotional support. What did the text say? I'll guess it didnt say anything about making a mistake, dumping this other guy, or getting back together did it? Unless it said any of that, ignore it, it's a pointless text. She's just fishing to see if you're still on the hook.
Author Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 She told me before no contact that she still had feelings for me (she also had the new bf before NC) so I know it hurts her that I won't respond. She has sent a text apologizing for how bad a GF she had been and she always starts out her texts "Hey I know you hate me but..."
loser101 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 sounds like she is genuinely sorry. I broke up with my ex and it was over something that was affecting our relationship but wasn't his fault. I knew I had to end it quickly (rather then let it drag on) and the timing was terrible. So I still occasionally try to contact him in case he is ready to talk about it. I want him to understand 100% (and probably made it clear by now) that I had no ulterior motives and it was only a matter of time. I don't know your situation, maybe it depends on the reasons for your breakup
You'reasian Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Looking for your thoughts/opinions here. When an ex doesn't know about the concept or strategy of NC how do they really feel when they get no response when they text you?? I know the concept. If the person sent no response, I'd take the hint and be ok with it. Also, why would an ex who has a new BF still text me? Depends on how much NC time you've had. It might be the case that she wants to be your friend.
loser101 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 well it's tricky with NC because sometimes it's a matter of time before the dumpee (sorry, I really hate this word) responds. it can be pride or hurt and of course you have to respect they want to move on. in my experience when I tried to talk to an ex (after dumping him) he did have some desire to discuss it and eventually gave up NC and ended up talking briefly. so maybe she is thinking that you will eventually talk to her. without knowing why you broke up it's really hard to tell though
Author Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 so maybe she is thinking that you will eventually talk to her. without knowing why you broke up it's really hard to tell though She broke up with me cause we were fighting for two weeks straight. She kept telling me she wanted to be back together for 6 months, until I found out she had a new boyfriend (4 months after our breakup).
Author Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Depends on how much NC time you've had. It might be the case that she wants to be your friend. I dont know about that, after she apologized I told her I couldn't trust what she was saying (it was through a text for pete's sake!) And all she had to say after I told her that was she's not asking for forigiveness, she just wanted to get that off her chest. You'd think she would try harder if she wanted to be my friend right? Then after 3 more weeks of NC, she tells me how my favorite musical artist is coming on tour here in the summer?? WHich I didnt respond to btw
loser101 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 She broke up with me cause we were fighting for two weeks straight. She kept telling me she wanted to be back together for 6 months, until I found out she had a new boyfriend (4 months after our breakup). fighting is just a symptom. why were you fighting?
Author Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 We were basically fighting because I felt as if she was trying to change me. Then it turned into how I would never take her out to dinner. Which I did for the record.
loser101 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 so she felt you were taking her for granted and not giving her enough attention?
Author Fiaman Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 I gave her more than enough attention, I guess she just wanted to be treated like a princess with materialistic things. She even told me that she should be taken out to dinner once or twice a month (which clashed with me because I wanna do things for a girl because I WANT TO not because I AM TOLD, make sense? That's why I felt as if I was being controlled.)
You'reasian Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I gave her more than enough attention, I guess she just wanted to be treated like a princess with materialistic things. She even told me that she should be taken out to dinner once or twice a month (which clashed with me because I wanna do things for a girl because I WANT TO not because I AM TOLD, make sense? That's why I felt as if I was being controlled.) It doesn't sound like she's a materialistic princess - it sounds like she wants to be appreciated. If she's asking you to drop an insane amount of money taking her out, that might be materialistic. Most women want to be appreciated if you're her man. Take her out somewhere. Anywhere and have fun.
loser101 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I gave her more than enough attention, I guess she just wanted to be treated like a princess with materialistic things. She even told me that she should be taken out to dinner once or twice a month (which clashed with me because I wanna do things for a girl because I WANT TO not because I AM TOLD, make sense? That's why I felt as if I was being controlled.) no it doesn't make sense. she stated her needs and you dismissed them because you weren't interested. that's why she left you. that's why she keeps getting in touch too, she keeps wondering whether the second time around you would be a better boyfriend
Author Fiaman Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 that's why she keeps getting in touch too, she keeps wondering whether the second time around you would be a better boyfriend That doesn't seem right. She's in a new relationship where she's in love with this guy. They been together now for like 5 months. She's 21 for the record.
loser101 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 ok point taken. people sometimes have a feeling of 'unfinished' business with an old relationship though. if you think about it so much maybe you should ask her
Author Fiaman Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 That unfinished business deal is probably what I need. I've been good at NC for almost 3 months now. Would it even be wise to talk to her?
Island Girl Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 If it were me and I texted I'd be looking to confirm the dumpee is still pining away. Just in case I wanted some attention, a favor, or an ego boost. In your case, since she wanted to get back with you and you wouldn't, she may be contacting you with the guise of friendship to show you that she is over you and she is so extremely happy without you (which means by definition that she is not because if she was she wouldn't even be thinking about you). Or she may be contacting you because enough time has passed and she feels as though the two of you could be friends. I don't agree with be friends with exes. It usually has some degree of weirdness and it is uncomfortable with the current SOs but some say they can do it. To me it just isn't worth the hassle. I dumped them for a reason and seeing them or talking to them would just remind me of why and grate on my nerves.
Author Fiaman Posted March 29, 2009 Author Posted March 29, 2009 If it were me and I texted I'd be looking to confirm the dumpee is still pining away. Just in case I wanted some attention, a favor, or an ego boost. In your case, since she wanted to get back with you and you wouldn't, she may be contacting you with the guise of friendship to show you that she is over you and she is so extremely happy without you (which means by definition that she is not because if she was she wouldn't even be thinking about you). Or she may be contacting you because enough time has passed and she feels as though the two of you could be friends. I don't agree with be friends with exes. It usually has some degree of weirdness and it is uncomfortable with the current SOs but some say they can do it. To me it just isn't worth the hassle. I dumped them for a reason and seeing them or talking to them would just remind me of why and grate on my nerves. No you got it all wrong... I was the one that wanted to be back with her after the breakup. SHe knew this, so she strung me along by saying "I want to be with you, just not for a while." AND I was a fool and went along with it. (sorry for the confusion)
EmperorR Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I remember I thought my ex used to miss me but then I noticed it was just to rub it in my face, "thanks for helping me get that scholaship", "what does it mean when a guy says your awesome" .
Island Girl Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 No you got it all wrong... I was the one that wanted to be back with her after the breakup. SHe knew this, so she strung me along by saying "I want to be with you, just not for a while." AND I was a fool and went along with it. (sorry for the confusion) Oh! No, sorry I was confused! lol Then it was the first one I wrote. -- She may be like I was and she sounds like it if she strung you along and stuff. Something I would have done in my younger years. Sorry she is messing with your head. That sucks.
loser101 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 That unfinished business deal is probably what I need. I've been good at NC for almost 3 months now. Would it even be wise to talk to her? if it was me and the situation was messing with my head, I would try to put an end to it as soon as possible. so I would be quite tough with her and ask her straight what she was after. if she was playing the friend's card or being wishy-washy I would be even tougher saying I found her mind games pathetic, would ask her to go and play with somebody else and not speak to me again. after that I would ignore her forever.
Biker2007 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 so I would be quite tough with her and ask her straight what she was after. if she was playing the friend's card or being wishy-washy I would be even tougher saying I found her mind games pathetic, would ask her to go and play with somebody else and not speak to me again. Loser - you are spot on here. Fiaman - If you don't respect yourself, the X will definitely not respect you. Do not let her treat you like a Plan B or a doormat! The fact she texted you says enough for me...that is just plain BS. She is just looking for attention. Good luck!
Author Fiaman Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I'm gonna give it until May and see how I feel then. If the situation still bothers me, maybe I'll talk to her (only if she contacts me though).
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