Dexter Morgan Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 ...when did he or she have the time to have an affair? When she would go out with friends as a result of me watching our children thinking I was being a good husband and letting her blow off steam. If I could say it better, how was he or she able to conduct an affair and find the time without you finding out? Because I told her I was glad to watch the kids while she had fun with her friends. I trusted her, I was mistaken. How often did they meet? She went out sometimes one weekend night with an occasional 2 week break from that. Then she started saying she was going to meet some friends for drinks after work here and there. Again, I was happy to watch the kids. I have had these questions as I read the different accounts of affairs, and I wonder...I don't think I could find the time for an affair. And if my wife were having one, I don't know when she would be having one either. Again it was all because I trusted her. I'll never be with someone ever again that wants to go out drinking, clubbing, or finding some little excuses not to be with me. So did you have an idea that something was up because of a different schedule or something? No, but here is the kicker, people in town knew and NOBODY said a word to me.
mental_traveller Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 When someone wants an affair.. they find the time.. trust me... and their partner will never find out. For example.. some men cheat during work hours.. so it's almost impossible for the SO to find out. Lol. It's not that hard to find out. A good proportion of affairs get discovered, even thought most people are very naive and too trusting of their spouses. Notice how friends/colleagues usually know about the majority of affairs. A suspicious spouse can discover an affair pretty easily, most people do not hide their tracks.
Lizzie60 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Lol. It's not that hard to find out. A good proportion of affairs get discovered, even thought most people are very naive and too trusting of their spouses. Notice how friends/colleagues usually know about the majority of affairs. A suspicious spouse can discover an affair pretty easily, most people do not hide their tracks. Well ..ALL my MMs.. so far, have been successful in hiding their tracks.. and our As have lasted for many years..some for 7 years now.. one got caught last year.. but it's OK now.. he was young and not quite experienced enough.. now he knows how to do it.. He used to call from his cell phone.. duhhh.. now he used a public phone. I'm not naive .. we are careful and I trust that my MMs are 'smart' enough to hide their tracks.. I know how they do it.. If one gets caught.. well.. too bad. so sad.. his problems.. but I'm honestly confident that we won't get caught... we are extremely careful... I NEVER EVER call them.. they call me from a public place/phone.
SidLyon Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Well ..ALL my MMs.. so far, have been successful in hiding their tracks.. and our As have lasted for many years..some for 7 years now.. one got caught last year.. but it's OK now.. he was young and not quite experienced enough.. now he knows how to do it.. He used to call from his cell phone.. duhhh.. now he used a public phone. I'm not naive .. we are careful and I trust that my MMs are 'smart' enough to hide their tracks.. I know how they do it.. If one gets caught.. well.. too bad. so sad.. his problems.. but I'm honestly confident that we won't get caught... we are extremely careful... I NEVER EVER call them.. they call me from a public place/phone. *************************************** Lizzie, Not meaning to be rude but are you some sort of habitual OW or something? My H told me that it crossed his mind that his OW was into having multiple affairs even though she was married with 2 kids. I agree with you that it is possible to hide it from a W. I was in the same position as another poster - I had no idea; yet it was being conducted right under my nose. S
Athena Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Lizzie, may I ask, are you having an EA with ANY of them, or is it just physical... nothing more nothing less?
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 So.....is there really any true way (beyond them admitting it to you) to discover that someone is cheating on you, without snooping? I know the repercussions of snooping; you might find nothing and make it into something, continue searching elsewhere, you'll have to bring up that you WERE snooping to bring their infidelity into the light, but really - what are the alternatives? How else can you find out?
65tr6 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 So.....is there really any true way (beyond them admitting it to you) to discover that someone is cheating on you, without snooping? you mean, besides, asking him/her the direct question if he/she is having an affair ? Try asking your spouse these questions.... a) On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our marriage ? b) On a scale of 1-10, what do you think it should be ? Post your results here.
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 you mean, besides, asking him/her the direct question if he/she is having an affair ? Try asking your spouse these questions.... a) On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our marriage ? b) On a scale of 1-10, what do you think it should be ? Post your results here. But if you ask, they can always lie. Also you shouldn't need to ask. Surely, in an ideal world, they would tell you, or have told, straight away.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 *************************************** Lizzie, Not meaning to be rude but are you some sort of habitual OW or something? My H told me that it crossed his mind that his OW was into having multiple affairs even though she was married with 2 kids. I agree with you that it is possible to hide it from a W. I was in the same position as another poster - I had no idea; yet it was being conducted right under my nose. S I'm having multiple affairs..but I'm single.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Lizzie, may I ask, are you having an EA with ANY of them, or is it just physical... nothing more nothing less? Yes it happens sometimes.. but it's not like I'm in love with these guys.. I like them very much.. (love them) but not 'in love' with any. same for them... It happened that some guys fell in love with me.. I had to end it.. and some decided to leave... but they always come back... it takes sometimes over a year or two.. but they're always back.
Owl Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm having multiple affairs..but I'm single. Lizzie is a "professional OW". She has multiple MM who give her "gifts" for her...services. (With the possible exception of her one "young MM" whom is unaware of her 'second profession') I wouldn't consider them so much "affairs" or MM as much as I'd consider them repeat customers...but that's just my view of the situation. Based on that, it explains much of Lizzie's views on infidelity.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 My EX had her stirrings when she was out on business trips, but it started with texting and phone calls. She claimed she would be going out of town for training, when she was actually going to see O/G.
65tr6 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I wouldn't consider them so much "affairs" or totally agree. Not affairs at all. Not the kind we talk about most here anyway.
Author JamesM Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 I wouldn't consider them so much "affairs" or MM as much as I'd consider them repeat customers...but that's just my view of the situation. Based on that, it explains much of Lizzie's views on infidelity. As they say, Without the money, there ain't no honey. Personally, I like the view that Lizzie adds. While I cannot say I agree with it all of the time, the reality is that it can be accurate when describing MM who cheat on their wives.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Lizzie is a "professional OW". She has multiple MM who give her "gifts" for her...services. (With the possible exception of her one "young MM" whom is unaware of her 'second profession') I wouldn't consider them so much "affairs" or MM as much as I'd consider them repeat customers...but that's just my view of the situation. Based on that, it explains much of Lizzie's views on infidelity. correction ... correction... Owl.. pay attention... My young MM is aware of my 'lifestyle'... but there is not much he can say about it.. (that's how we met a few years back... it started with the 'massages') My MM from work has absolutely NO idea of my lifestyle...he once talked against prostitution.. and my other MMs think I've 'settled down'.. and am not in this lifestyle anymore.. they all started (well most) with the massage thing... In other words.. they all think they're 'the only one'...
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Plus I should add.. my 'experience' down south with a MM, he had absolutely no clue what I'm doing.. it was just for the 'lust'.. He just wanted to 'bang' me.. after he swore he would never cheat on his W..
Athena Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 Plus I should add.. my 'experience' down south with a MM, he had absolutely no clue what I'm doing.. it was just for the 'lust'.. He just wanted to 'bang' me.. after he swore he would never cheat on his W.. Interesting.... so, do you ever have a 'love' R with a man outside of those MM? Like a regular Boyfriend? Would you ever get married? Have you been M? If you don't mind my asking -- how old are you? Does age get factored in to MM wanting to sleep with you? (ie for or against) and do you think this lifestyle will eventually peter out as you (and all of us) grow older? Or is it as much based on sexy/youthful to mature but not 'old' ? You appear to be completely at ease with your own lifestyle, were you raised in a sexually open-minded family?
Athena Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I am wondering if I shouldn't suggest CH make some extra money by offering massages to women! :lmao:
Lizzie60 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Interesting.... so, do you ever have a 'love' R with a man outside of those MM? Like a regular Boyfriend? Yes I did... a few years ago now.. with a few guys.. (one contacted me about 2 months ago.. he moved back to Ottawa with his gf, he wants to see me again..but I haven't accepted the invite). I would say that I had about 2-3 'love' R since I left my last ex. Would you ever get married? Have you been M? No.. never been married... but an 18 yr common-law relationship is just about the same... same sh*t when we separated.. If you don't mind my asking -- how old are you? I'm 56... soon 57. Does age get factored in to MM wanting to sleep with you? (ie for or against) and do you think this lifestyle will eventually peter out as you (and all of us) grow older? Or is it as much based on sexy/youthful to mature but not 'old' ? My age doesn't seem to matter to my MMs.. they all know how old I am.. the oldest is 7 yrs younger (he's 48)... my youngest is 31 years younger (he's 25). The average is about 16 yrs younger. You appear to be completely at ease with your own lifestyle, were you raised in a sexually open-minded family? Yes I am very at ease with my lifestyle as I don't consider myself as the same as a street worker ...or even a sex worker.. It's a whole different situation IMO... I wasn't raised in a sexually open-minded family.. my parents are still together and were just 'normal' regular people..
Owl Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 correction ... correction... Owl.. pay attention... My young MM is aware of my 'lifestyle'... but there is not much he can say about it.. (that's how we met a few years back... it started with the 'massages') My MM from work has absolutely NO idea of my lifestyle...he once talked against prostitution.. and my other MMs think I've 'settled down'.. and am not in this lifestyle anymore.. they all started (well most) with the massage thing... In other words.. they all think they're 'the only one'... As you've said many times about BW's..."they'll believe what they CHOOSE to believe". They want to believe the lie that you've "settled down" because it salves their ego's. Otherwise they'd have to admit to themselves the real bottomline truth of the situation...that there's nothing in the relationship beyond some level of friendship, a roll in the sheets, and an exchange of "services and gifts". Most people lie to themselves FIRST...to justify things that they can't rationalize away without the self-deceit. Thanks on the clarification between the "young MM" and the "work MM". I knew that there was one that was clueless about your other activities.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Lizzie, have these experiences in any way negatively coloured your view of men or marriage or relationships? As in, if you chose to enter into another 'normal' relationship, shall we say, would you have more suspicious/concerns?
Dexter Morgan Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'm having multiple affairs..but I'm single. Which helps prove alot of claims from women on this site, that there really ARE simple minded dolts of men out there.
Spark1111 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Hi james! My husband conducted his affair after receiving a work promotion that encouraged him to travel and wine and dine important people. She was a colleague with fixed hours who lived only a mile or two from his new office. It was constant texting and calling and IMing all under the guise of business. I thought he was speaking to one of these new influential people he'd been courting, but no, it was mostly her. I trusted and believed him completely. I knew how important this new job was to him in gaining personal and professional self-esteem back after a really trying time in our marriage. I believed every single lie. After DDay, I asked him: "How did you ever get any work done?" when confronted with hundreds of monthly minutes, dinners, trips, etc. In retrospect, there were many clues. Who leaves family functions to check on job sites? Some people may, but now, I just feel foolish to not have seen the signs. Not really knowing the new group of colleagues he worked with, there was no way to check whether he was telling the truth. Someone in my office is now engaged in an affair and she has been showing up early to the office. Everyone thought this was a very noble thing, until it came out that she was meeting a MM in a parking lot for coffee and....donuts! What she told her husband? Her hours had been changed. Oh well. When there is a will, cheaters will find a way. Unless you are in for a lifetime of spying, can anyone be sure of anyone?
Reggie Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Plus I should add.. my 'experience' down south with a MM, he had absolutely no clue what I'm doing.. it was just for the 'lust'.. He just wanted to 'bang' me.. after he swore he would never cheat on his W.. Why did he swear he would never cheat on his wife? What a weird thing to say: "Hello, my name is X. By the way, I swear I will never cheat on my wife.":bunny::bunny:
Lizzie60 Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Lizzie, have these experiences in any way negatively coloured your view of men or marriage or relationships? As in, if you chose to enter into another 'normal' relationship, shall we say, would you have more suspicious/concerns? No .. on the contrary.. I think I would be more opened about it.
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