summergirl Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 BF of 11 month broke me up. He told that he cares so much about me but he just didn't feel it. He said it was unfair for me because he couldn't love me like the way I love him. He couldn't be at lovers' level so we better be friends. He also told me that he had tried for 11 months and he just couldn't. He can't lie his feelings and mine anymore. What makes it so hard for me is, i really love him so much. I could really see myself to be his bride and have his babies. I am 29 and he's 33. And he was the reason for me to move to this city, I still don't have much friends yet and still very depending on him. Before i moved, i was in a different city, we met once, and talked on email and AIM for almost a year. After i moved here and became his gf, he helped me with my school, he works in the same industry i'm studying now. He helped me a lot. When he broke me up, I asked him to work things out and start allover again. Try to learn to love me. He cried. But he said no, there wasnt anything to be changed from me, "It's not you, it's me". For me 11 months is not enough, I wish he could try harder. He said he really enjoyed my companion and didn't wanna lose me as a friend, he felt comfortable, and cared for me. But why does it so hard for him to love me back? We really get along, never had a big argument, share so many things in common. There is nothing wrong in our relationship and it could be a very good future of us. Though i did feel that I loved him too much but he didn't love me as much, it's true. What i regret is, he didnt put any warning about this at all. If there's anything he doesn't like for me and communicate it with me, I would try my best to fix it. I never saw this coming. I thought it was just the way he was, not too expressive on showing love like I did to him, and showing love from actions, less words or sweet nothing. Though I could really tell that he cared, he always gave me everything I wanted. And I dont think that this has got something to do with other girl either, he's not that type of guy. More background of him - he was married before. Were together for 7 years, got married for 6 months and separated. One day his wife told him that she's not in love with him as a couple should be, then she left him. They got divorced about 2 years before I met him. And when we broke up, he told me that he didn't wanna make the same big mistake again. I think he felt what his ex wife felt to me. But the question, if after such thing happened to him and he met someone like me that sincerely love him and take him just the way he is - which supposed to be the opposite of his ex and exactly what he needs, why did he let me go? It's been 6 days NC and it's so hard. On the 2nd day he texted me asking where I was and what was I doing, I replied few hours later only to tell that I was in a salon to have a hair treatment, while the truth is I was in my bed crying. And almost everyday he email me to share interesting links from youtube for me to see (we used to do this everday, show videos), but I didn't respond. I need to go back to his place to take back all my stuff I need (I usually stayed at his place every weekend), but I dont think I can do it soon, I will burst into tears if I walk in to that house again, seeing his room, especially his cat. How long should I do NC? Should I be his friend? My friends are his too, should I avoid going out with them if he's there too? I know all of you will be disagree, but I still have a slight wish of him to ask me to comeback...
trying123 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I am 23 so I am a little younger but I can try to shed some insight. Look NC is the only way. My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. I went cold NC for seven months. She wanted back. When you go NC if regain all of the independence you naturally lose in a relationship. It is for you to heal. And do NOT have the same friend group or e-mail everyday. Screw that, if he was such good friends with you why did he break up with you? Look go hard NC you will soon find out that you were probably not compatible and he was right. And being friends, are you friends because you want him to come back, I got friends but I can honestly say I do not want to date them. Also you already did ask him back, remember he said no. Also got back with the ex, tried for five months, and I broke up with her. I know it is not what you wanted to hear, sorry
EmperorR Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 It's hard at first checking your phone every second, hoping they call or text, but soon one day turns to two, turns into a week 2 weeks a month, 2 months and it gets easier day after day.
messed-mind Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Sorry to hear this, it's not easy, but NC really is the fast track to healing and moving on. But why does it so hard for him to love me back? Because he doesn't love you. Accept that he doesn't love you. It's easy to deny and analyse the words, but he doesn't love you back because ... he doesn't love you. It's the toughest part to swallow, but it's normal to feel torn up, hateful, upset and full of utter despair. But you will move past it, in time. What i regret is, he didnt put any warning about this at all. Those are the worst kinds, and it's what I suffered. It's horrible when someone just disappears, it feels like they've died. There's no way to deal with it in a painless way .
Author summergirl Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 When he broke me up he told me that he loved me but not as much as I loved him. He said "I love you" only once or twice, but I could feel he did care so much about me and tried to give me anything I wanted. I dont know, maybe i will try NC for a while. But i'm still hoping *sigh* Any other comments and suggestions are welcome...
messed-mind Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Waiting around and hoping isn't going to help you. Words are so, so easy. Words are so, so cheap. I know they mean a lot to you when he says them, but try to see it's easy to say them and not mean them. Truly, NC is the best method just now.
RainyNight Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Sorry to hear this summergirl but at least he talked to you , gave you the chance to say goodbye , left you with a closure and peace. He RESPECTED you . He CARED about you . He didn't just .. disappear . He knows you deserve to be loved , to have what he couldn't offer. You are a woman to be loved . And you will be . I wish my ex stayed freinds with me at least , but he just disappeared from my life suddenly and cut all ways of contact . You are lucky , you still have him as a freind . But you can ask him nicely for a break till u can start accepting him as just a freind . I'm 29 too , I know how hard it is to look for " new beginnings" in this age . But the fact is , u never know , may be the best is still coming . Best wishes
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