mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Would you date a man who committed rape in his past? What if you were in love with this man when you found out? What if he told you on the first date? Shoot awaaaayyyy..... By no means have I ever witnessed, or committed, a rape.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Why would you ask this question? NO WAY. NO WAY. NO WAY NO HOW. Absolutely not.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Why would you ask this question? NO WAY. NO WAY. NO WAY NO HOW. Absolutely not. Dunno if you saw my edited first post.
SophieA Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 NO, NEVER. Don't care when I found out...first date...3 years into it...I'd run far far away and NEVER look back.
AlektraClementine Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 No. Couldn't do it. Wouldn't even have to fight against attraction in this situation.
treyfan88 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 No! Are you kidding?! Raping someone is like committing a murder! Only a MONSTER is capable of raping someone else! How filthy!
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Would you date a man who committed rape in his past?No. What if you were in love with this man when you found out? Sayonara. What if he told you on the first date? Sayonara. You missed a question. What if you found out about it from someone else? Double Sayonara. My clocked time for the 100 metre dash would exceed the world's record!
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 What does "committed" mean? Convicted? Accused of? And is this a violent rape, or something where he *thought* she was a willing participant (but she didn't have the capacity to consent [i.e., drunk])? Not that I'm condoning it under any circumstances, as my answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT regardless of the above answers, but it might change other's responses.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 What does "committed" mean? Convicted? Accused of? And is this a violent rape, or something where he *thought* she was a willing participant (but she didn't have the capacity to consent [i.e., drunk])? Not that I'm condoning it under any circumstances, as my answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT regardless of the above answers, but it might change other's responses. It can be any of the following. The only thing that's understood here is that its in his past. Meaning 5+ years ago.
MindoverMatter Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 No way Jose. Why are you researching this particular situation?
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Why are you researching this particular situation? Guessing... Because he knows of a celeb who has done so and women are all over him.Homework.Has a "friend" who has this issue.
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 It can be any of the following. The only thing that's understood here is that its in his past. Meaning 5+ years ago. Okay. Well. I still need more details. Someone who had drunk sex with a sorority girl (both drunk) while in college at some raging party where people are so blitzed they don't even remember their own names and where he was foolish to think that a naked drunk girl actually wanted to have sex, and he was never criminally accussed or otherwise disciplined for it, is quite different than a guy who leaps out at jogger on a running trail and pins her down in a bush and violently thrusts himself into her.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Okay. Well. I still need more details. Someone who had drunk sex with a sorority girl (both drunk) while in college at some raging party where people are so blitzed they don't even remember their own names and where he was foolish to think that a naked drunk girl actually wanted to have sex, and he was never criminally accussed or otherwise disciplined for it, is quite different than a guy who leaps out at jogger on a running trail and pins her down in a bush and violently thrusts himself into her. Obviously there is a difference of degree here. However, if she does not consent, then she does not consent. Still rape.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 It doesn't matter what the situation is. As long as its clear the female party did not consent. She could be twisted out of her mind and he just took advantage of the situation. Could be violent, could be multiple participants in the rape ie. Him and his buddies. As long as its in the "rape" category.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Why, again, are you asking this? Very curious. I stand by my initial response. It wouldn't matter if I found out on the first date or after 5 years of dating.
serial muse Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 No. I just don't see any way that a person can commit such a crime without it indicating something deeply rooted about how he feels about women. There may be mitigating circumstances that make it more or less heinous, such as Star suggested - but whatever the circumstances, he still did it. Which means there is something in him that rationalized the act, at least at the time. I could NEVER trust someone with myself, knowing that. There's just no way around it. And I could never see him the same way again. As for the love question...it's possible to fall out of love, if you feel you've been duped as to someone's real character. I'm quite sure that, if I were to discover such a thing, I would swiftly lose both respect and love for him. And would feel betrayed to boot.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 No. I just don't see any way that a person can commit such a crime without it indicating something deeply rooted about how he feels about women. There may be mitigating circumstances that make it more or less heinous, such as Star suggested - but whatever the circumstances, he still did it. Which means there is something in him that rationalized the act, at least at the time. I could NEVER trust someone with myself, knowing that. There's just no way around it. As for the love question...it's possible to fall out of love, if you feel you've been duped as to someone's real character. I'm quite sure that, if I were to discover such a thing, I would swiftly lose both respect and love for him. And would feel betrayed to boot. OooOooOoO. I'm liking what's coming up. I'll let this thread take off for a bit. Don't want to spill the beans just yet.
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Obviously there is a difference of degree here. However, if she does not consent, then she does not consent. Still rape. I realize that's the definition of rape. But there's clearly a difference in intent here... and the person accused of/who committed each crime should thereby be treated differently. There's no universal stamp. Unfortunately, in most jurisdictions, there isn't a "degree" of rape, like there is with other crimes. But wouldn't you punish these two men differently?
EllieBean Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Nope, I would not date a man who committed rape. If he told me on the first date you wouldn't see me for dust. Even if I found out later, I would still be off like a shot - as another poster said, it implies something fundamentally unpleasant about his opinion of women. If I was in love with him, I would assume I misjudged him and he wasn't the man I thought I loved, so I would still dump him.
Star Gazer Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 It doesn't matter what the situation is. As long as its clear the female party did not consent. She could be twisted out of her mind and he just took advantage of the situation. Could be violent, could be multiple participants in the rape ie. Him and his buddies. As long as its in the "rape" category. Personally, I maintain that it DOES matter how the event transpired. Consent (from a man's perspective) is subjective. Most women do not actually say, "Yes, I consent to having sex with you." A woman can be kissing, moaning, giggling, and presumably enjoying herself, and still not have the ability to consent, whether because of some sort of intoxicant, or fear, or something else. A man who has sex with a woman under those circumstances doesn't deserve the same label as someone who knowingly and wilfully takes advantage of a woman.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Personally, I maintain that it DOES matter how the event transpired. Consent (from a man's perspective) is subjective. Most women do not actually say, "Yes, I consent to having sex with you." A woman can be kissing, moaning, giggling, and presumably enjoying herself, and still not have the ability to consent, whether because of some sort of intoxicant, or fear, or something else. A man who has sex with a woman under those circumstances doesn't deserve the same label as someone who knowingly and wilfully takes advantage of a woman. Well I meant, it doesn't matter in terms of the basis of the question. So long as you know the female party didn't consent.
serial muse Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 OooOooOoO. I'm liking what's coming up. I'll let this thread take off for a bit. Don't want to spill the beans just yet. I think you should, please. I'm feeling manipulated. My guess about what's going on is that it's some kind of gender role-reversal thing. Just spill already. Guess what? It won't change my opinion, and I'll bet it won't change the opinion of the other female posters here.
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 OooOooOoO. I'm liking what's coming up. I'll let this thread take off for a bit. Don't want to spill the beans just yet. Okay ladies, this is a clue. Think man who most of us greatly respect. Add on extenuating circumstances... mr. dream merchant will finally tell us when everyone has said they wouldn't date a rapist, laughing wildly about how wrong we are with our quick judgement of historical events, due to a lack of information and understanding of the situation!
serial muse Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Okay ladies, this is a clue. Think man who most of us greatly respect. Add on extenuating circumstances... mr. dream merchant will finally tell us when everyone has said they wouldn't date a rapist, laughing wildly about how wrong we are with our quick judgement of historical events, due to a lack of information and understanding of the situation! Yes. Something like that. Let's see. Obama? Lincoln? Gandhi? Jesus? Who??? (Although I still suspect he's talking about a woman.) Sigh, "trap" threads are so wearisome. They seem to happen a lot lately.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 The old bait and switch. I thought this website was for people to get advice? What kind of game or manipulation is he trying to pull here? Feel better about yourself, MDM? You pulled one over the ladies' eyes?
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