On the verge of an affair with co-worker...

[tuti]

I'm very close to having an affair with a coworker. He’s beautiful. I've been married for 10 years now and I'm happy in my relationship with my husband (no kids, 2 dogs)- he is very good to me. But this situation is special - I know u think I'm deluding myself. Let me try and explain... I've only had 3(including this current guy) love at first sight experiences in my life (I'm in my late 30's). One was when I was 12 (so we'll chalk that one up to puppy love if u like) and one occurred when I was in college. In all these experiences when we first met - our eyes locked - and we, for a deep and meaningful moment, felt "something". Of course the feelings of anxiety, the rush and excitement was in the air whenever we were around and I felt consumed by them - I always wanted to be around them, I would hope we’d accidently touch, and when I was not around them I always thought about it. Well, I met my single coworker about three years ago and we met under similar love at first sight circumstances- he 's very traditional and would not let on early that he also felt the same- and there was a time I wasn’t sure, but over the past year and a half the flirting and erotic moments we've shared (we always find time to hang out - and even stay at work late for no other reason than to just spend more time together) have let me know that we both want more. Now when I mentioned he was beautiful – I don’t mean Hollywood looks- in fact he is quite geeky looking, dresses very sloppy, and is not very comfortable in social settings – so by any means its not just being infatuated with some cutie. But I do find him very sexy – his curly hair and beautiful eyes. Again, he is one of three love at first sight experiences I’ve had. But alas I’m married. Now I’m not looking for a new relationship –I’m just looking to finally have sex and connect with this soul mate, as it seems it was fated to be. Once I have sex with him I think I can finally move on and turn my attentions, thoughts, daydreams, passions, onto my husband who truly deserves it. Now do I have sex with my new soulmate- does life ever bring you someone that you connect with and you both know that it was meant to be, if even just for a night (or two ☺)? What if I could have this night and my husband never know- would it, could it, be right to take part of what seems to me more of a sexual-spiritual encounter. Please help.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now do I have sex with my new soulmate- does life ever bring you someone that you connect with and you both know that it was meant to be, if even just for a night (or two ☺)? What if I could have this night and my husband never know- would it, could it, be right to take part of what seems to me more of a sexual-spiritual encounter. Please help.

 

So, what do you want help with. Do you want me to give you the thumbs up and say "Go for it"? Or do you want me to talk you down from the edge?

 

You already know its not right. I also think this "love at first sight" is bullcrap. If there wasn't some issue in your marriage, you wouldn't be considering this. Or maybe the issue is inside of you. Your probably fat and ugly in desperate need of some kind of validation. Sure it might make you "feel" pretty to have a roll in the hay with this guy. Chances are he would bang a farm animal too... so what are you really looking for?

 

If you can do it... and just keep it secret.... then you seriously have no soul. I the end it's all up to you. You have all of the answers in front of you. Make your choice.

[Athena]

One or two nights of fun with your crush wouldn't seem to be so bad, except in most situations it wouldn't just end there.

 

For someone like OM, for him to be as you say, 'traditional/conservative' I don't think he's just going to boink you twice and move on... I think he is going to allow himself to cross the line because he tells himself he is 'in love' with you. If so, I doubt you would have sex and that would be the end of that. I think that would be the beginning of the next chapter with him in your life, and that would only lead to more complications in your life, and in your marriage. Have you heard that Affairs are Always Messy? They are not some simple quick thing...

 

Is he married?

[STILL WONDERING]

U better spend ur time on ur husband, cause there is no one time and move on , and when ur husband finds out he will never look at you the same way, there has to be something missing in ur relationship 4 u to look somewhere else to find it, i think u enjoy the attention and flirting and maybe it makes u feel sexy that some other man is lusting after u.......i would say leave ur panties on and dont screw it all up.. U will never know the pain that it causes ( i do ) and hopefully ur husband wont have to

[GorillaTheater]

Now I’m not looking for a new relationship –I’m just looking to finally have sex and connect with this soul mate, as it seems it was fated to be. Once I have sex with him I think I can finally move on and turn my attentions, thoughts, daydreams, passions, onto my husband who truly deserves it.

 

How romantic! You and your soulmate sound like very special people, and I say go for it!

 

And while your at it, you should ask the soulmate if he has a sister for your husband. I must go now, for my heart's veritably aflutter.

[Owl]

I don't get how your "love at first site" rationalization would in any way justify what you're contemplating, or in any fashion reduce the sheer emotional devestation that this would wreak upon your husband.

 

How does your "soulmate" syndrome in any way negate your vows to your husband?

 

How does it in any fashion change the circumstances that you're married to what you consider to be a wonderful man?

 

Will it help him to understand why you cheated on him, and help him "deal with it" in any fashion?

 

Or is it just a great way for you to salve your own conscience and make it "ok"...at least in your eyes?

 

What are you hoping to learn from posting here?

[EllieBean]

Please have enough respect for your husband not to cheat on him. If you want to remain in a relationship with him, you shouldn't be considering having sex with other men; if you want to be with this other guy; you should part from your husband first. If what you're saying is that you want to have sex with this guy just once, you're not being fair to either him or your husband. Plus I would be suspicious of any man who would consider having sex with a married woman anyway... you think this man is your spiritual partner and yet you're prepared to cheat and lie in order to be together? Not very spiritual then, is it?

 

Perhaps, as you believe, you have met your soulmate in your coworker. But you're already committed to another relationship, so as long as you intend to remain committed to that relationship the two of you as soulmates should respect and honor your bond with your husband, and realize the tests of unconditional love. If you feel that your relationship with your husband has reached a natural end, then of course you should feel free to move on and be with your soulmate, but if you do have this sort of spiritual love it shouldn't be cheapened and dirtied making it into an illicit affair that will cause pain to everyone involved.

 

Why do you feel that you need to have sex with this man in order to connect with him anyway? Sex is just physical sex, it isn't love and friendship and spiritual connection. Life brings you a number of people who you connect with in different ways, and perhaps some of those are destined to be sexual relationships, even if only short-term ones... but if you're thinking about it in a spiritual sense, lying and cheating are not spiritual things! You shouldn't be cheating when you're married, period. Either be faithful to your husband, or end your relationship and be with this other guy if you truly feel it's right for you, but don't generate a whole load of bad karma by cheating.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your husband wrote this board and said I am very happily married for the past 10 years but I want to have sex with my co-worker because she really turns me on. After I have sex with her then I will turn my attention back to my wife who treats me very well? You are a very foolish woman. It is clear that you don't really love your husband and have very little respect for him. Hopefully when you do cheat on your husband, he will find out and your marriage will be destroyed. He will be able to seek out another woman who will truly appreciate him. You on the other hand will be another statistic of a divorced woman who was so blind she never appreciated what she had. You husband has my deep sympathy. You are a real piece of work.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Why do you feel that you need to have sex with this man in order to connect with him anyway? Sex is just physical sex, it isn't love and friendship and spiritual connection.

 

First off... I suspect a troll.

 

This was a great question. Chances are the answer is... Fat, Ugly, Old, with No Self Esteem, in desperate need of sexual validation. The soulmates part is just a desert mirage.

[sugarmomma]

tuti,

 

I would say don't do it. You are taking a huge chance of your husband possibly finding out. Like the other posters I agree that if you try maybe once or twice and the sex is good you will not be able to stop just like that. I did the same thing was attracted to a guy in a relationship and fell for him quick thinking I would just "hit it and quit it". Well it didn't work and I am still healing from that whole situation.

 

Your husband sounds like a great guy and if you are already attracted to this coworker, a sexual experience may just seal the deal. Also, keep in mind that you have to work everyday with this person. What if he loves the sex and you hate it and he starts stalking you or tell your husband?

 

I mean really stay out of fantasy land with the whole love at first sight thing and look at what you could realistically lose- a loving husband that you say is good to you. He does not deserve this. Besides, the guilt would tear you apart.

[michelangelo]

So, let me see if I have this right. because you've had only a couple lustful crushes that you see as "love at first sight" that having yet another one gives you a pass to cheat?

 

Um, no!

[lostsunsets]

So then you basically want an open marriage, we know the type of guy you want to have sex with. Lets think about what kind of woman your husband should bed. I think he'd want someone younger, say about 22 or 23. Someone about your age when you met. I'm sure he would like someone who thinks he is intelligent and smart. Maybe a girl with a little wild streak. Someone who really likes to indulge a mans fantasies. A physically fit girl who likes to take control in bed. He might work with her. This girl is driving him crazy. You know sometimes she actually has told him that she is not wearing panties. He has really been a tower of strength trying to reject her advances. He has told her he's married and that he couldn't cheat on his wife. She has had a crush on him since they met. She has told him that there is really nothing she could think of that she didn't want to do to him or him to her. Come to think of it though, his wife has been a little distant lately. She's been staying after work. And taking him for granted. I think the next time she tells me she is going to work late, maybe I'll grab a cup of coffee with that hottie that keeps hitting on me. I wonder if I did take her up on her offer, just once? I think it could even help my marriage. I mean just once, I could just completely let go and do everything I ever wanted to a woman. I'll think about it.

 

Oh, I forgot this was your thread. So where do you think you should have sex with this guy?

[stampdaddy]

I say GO FOR IT!!

 

have fun, love, laugh, have sex, go on trips, kiss and hold hands all day. Sneak out at night. Wake him up early on weekend mornings by crawling into bed with him and make sweet love, as your husband is reading the note that you left saying that "you are out running errands or at the gym." Then after a couple of years, when you get busted, you'll drop this "love of a lifetime" like a hot brick.. Then about a year or 2 later, after you and your husband "try" to work on your marriage, either he will divorce you or maybe even cheat on you.. While your "soulmate" is trying to figure out what went wrong OR says "f**k it and you" and is dating someone else..

 

Good Luck!

[troubadour]

GO FOR IT...!

 

I am extremely surprised that you even bother to ask this question... like you said...it is a special situation and your OM is beautiful...? Why would you even worry about anything else in this situation.

 

We are living in time of instant gratification... why would you be concern about your husband or what he feels? It is his problem... not yours. Why would you be willing to jepardize the special connection you and OM share for something so trivial like your marriage.

 

Your husband just has to learn to share you with your new soul mate or to get lost! It is really that simple. Maybe he will like "sloppy seconds" in the end... who knows?

 

GO FOR IT...!

[reservoirdog1]

Once I have sex with him I think I can finally move on and turn my attentions, thoughts, daydreams, passions, onto my husband who truly deserves it.

Uh-huh... and I've got a very nice bridge to sell you.

 

Now do I have sex with my new soulmate- does life ever bring you someone that you connect with and you both know that it was meant to be, if even just for a night (or two ☺)? What if I could have this night and my husband never know- would it, could it, be right to take part of what seems to me more of a sexual-spiritual encounter. Please help.

The vows you swore with your husband presumably included the vow to be faithful and forsake all others. In addition, your husband is currently operating on the understanding that, by having sex with you, he has nothing to fear with respect to STDs. By screwing this other guy, that's out the window. You'll be potentially putting your husband at risk without him even having a say in the matter. (And remember, condoms don't protect against everything.)

 

That should be all the answer you need in order to determine if it would or could be right to screw this other guy.

 

If you're still in any doubt, however, I suggest you ask your husband point blank, in advance, if he'd mind if you go ahead with it.

 

You're hardly the first person who's gotten warm tinglies in her pants and concluded that her situation is somehow different (and thus okay) because of pseudo-spiritual-sexual-soulmate-justification bullshyt. Hopefully your brain (and conscience) will win out over your gonads and you won't become another statistic.

 

But if you are bound and determined to bang this other guy, at least end your marriage first, so your husband can get on with his life, hopefully in partnership with somebody who'll be loyal to him.

[65tr6]

But if you are bound and determined to bang this other guy, at least end your marriage first, so your husband can get on with his life, hopefully in partnership with somebody who'll be loyal to him.

 

 

rd, hi there. enjoy reading your posts...you helped me out earlier...

 

back to op, posts like this always make me wonder....Marriage is LOT of f* work. It is one thing to fall in love and marry someone but actually making it work is COMPLETELY different. Not too many out there are marriage material....

[jwi71]

Tuti,

 

You are on a dark path from which there is NO return.

This door once opened cannot be shut. Ever.

 

Many a WS (wayward spouse) has come to these forums and ALL of them in pain. Every last one of them.

 

Before you carry through with this...I challenge you to read any 20 stories here. Go on...read. Read what adultery has done to them both the WS and the BS (betrayed spouse). Read what their parents think...their friends and families.

 

You only THINK you won't get caught.

NOTHING good ever comes from this.

 

It is a dark path and you are well down it. It may NOT be too late...turn back.

[Sparta8]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Times New Roman]With apologies from whoever posted the following fairly recently, here is a great answer to your question:[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Times New Roman]You don't need to be asking questions. You need to be reading the posts here and on other infidelity boards. If you do you will find plenty of courage (or actually fear) to not screw up your marriage. Let me tell you what will happen if you do. You seem like a nice person. So after you screw him. You will wake up the next morning and look in the mirror and break down. The person in the mirror will never look the same to you again. You may try to keep it covered up. And you may be successful for a while. One of two things will happen.

 

One, you will have thoroughly enjoyed screwing him and you will now have a bond with him. You will both arrange to meet again and again. you will text each other. You will start to leave the room with your husband in it. So you can text him. He will question why you are always going out of the room to talk or text. You will start to get angry at him, because you will need to start pulling away from him. Your sex with him will drop off then eventually stop. Why? Because you will want to be faithful to the man you are cheating with. You can't screw both of them that would make you a skank. So you start to be angrier with him. Because he is now the reason you and your new love can't be together. By the time the 6 weeks is over, you are completely fogged up. You are ready to throw away your marriage to be with the other man. You won't be able to hide this from your husband. Your husband loves you and will have watched the woman he loves pull away from him. He may get suspicious and monitor your e-mail or cell phone. Eventually he will get concrete evidence and confront you. Over the last 6 weeks you have become a lying cheating skank, so you lie to him. But he has proof and you breakdown and sob uncontrollably. He is crushed. After his anger and tears. And because you now love this other man you start blame shifting. If you had only met my needs. But you neglected me. So that means its pretty much your fault that I screwed him. YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT DAY. AND YOU SEE HIM LOOKING AT YOU. AND JUST LIKE WHEN YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND SAW SOMEONE THAT ONLY LOOKED LIKE YOU, YOUR HUSBAND HAS THE SAME LOOK ON HIS FACE, HORROR, MIXED WITH PAIN AND CONFUSION. AT THAT POINT YOU NOW REALIZE THAT HE WILL NEVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME AGAIN EITHER.

 

Two. You will wake up the next morning and look in the mirror and break down. You rush to the toilet and you heave your guts up. You rush to get your clothes together and get out of there as fast as you can. You get into your car and look in the rearview mirror. And you don't recognize the person who is staring back at you. You manage to get home before he gets home from work. And jump into bed. He comes in and asks you where the baby is. And you tell him it is at the sitters. He asks why? You turn around and look at him and you don't say a word. But he looks at you and knows. You breakdown and he screams in pain. Like someone shot him in the heart. He can't catch his breath and you run to him because he can't breathe. But instead of holding you. He recoils from you like he was just touched with acid. At that moment you know that nothing will ever be the same again. EVER. You confess everything to him, because you realize you love him more then life. But he has that look of HORROR, MIXED WITH PAIN AND CONFUSION. And you realize that you may have just destroyed your happy family. He tells you to get out. Or he says if you don't get out, then I will. You won't leave, so he does. And when he leaves your heart breaks because at this point you don't know if he will ever want to hear from you or see you again. You fall to your knees in a weeping hump. And all of this before what you have done has really even sunk in. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Athena]

With apologies from whoever posted the following fairly recently, here is a great answer to your question:

 

CLS2002,

 

You don't need to be asking questions. You need to be reading the posts here and on other infidelity boards. If you do you will find plenty of courage (or actually fear) to not screw up your marriage. Let me tell you what will happen if you do. You seem like a nice person. So after you screw him. You will wake up the next morning and look in the mirror and break down.

 

Its Lostsunsets -- MY favorite fiction author on LoveShack!!!!:bunny:

[wuggle]

You are TOTALLY deluding yourself.

 

If you do this , you will keep doing it until your husband finds out and it will totally f*ck your life up.

 

I have been there, both sides of the fence, it isn't worth it. But you won't listen to this advice, none of us do. We are all complete idiots when it comes to this sort of stuff. We need the pain (and it will be painfull trust me) , partly to make us remember what we had with our husband\wife and partly to still feel alive.

 

I bet you feel wonderful when your with this guy don't you ? he so much more fun, alive, loving , caring , real (etc) than your husband. But, is he? you married your husband 10 years ago , presume you loved him and thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life together ?

 

What happend ?

 

Life, the boring stuff, work, food, money, the dishes. All the usual crap that gets in the way of the 'perfect' relationship. That's what.

 

Do you still love your H ? Can you see you both being together in 30 years ? If the answer is yes then forget this guy, get another job if you have to, anything to not f*ck him. Go to marriagebuilders.com and buy a copy of "his needs\her needs" from amazon and try to reconnect with your husband.

 

If you really don't love your husband any more then for gods sake divorce him first before you do this other guy.

 

I hope you listen but doubt you will. Good luck with the pain. Hope you get through it.

[lostsunsets]

Thanks for the lauds Sparta and Athena, that was one of my better ones.

[NewSunrise]

I'm very close to having an affair with a coworker. He’s beautiful. I've been married for 10 years now and I'm happy in my relationship with my husband (no kids, 2 dogs)- he is very good to me. .

Oh, what the hell...been married for 10 years, why not I just boink him in the storage supply room or in my car after work. I'm sure he doesn't mind boinking a married woman with just 2 dogs, like me in my sexual prime. I'm sure he won't give me any STDs right, after all he seems to be such an honest, loyal respectable co-worker.

 

Besides, my sorry aZZ hubby will never find out. He won't kick me to the curb. He'll still love me no matter what I do because in my mind, hubby of 10 years is nobody important. I coud careless how he feels and what it will do to him. Besides he won't mind if I take my panties off for this hot co-worker of mine.

 

And if my husband finds out, well, he won't because no one will ever know. But IF he does, I'll deal with it later because for now it's all about me-me-me. Oh its just me-me-me. C'mon, sing along tuti. It's me-me-me and no one else but me. I have thing for "love at first sight". I just gotta have it.

 

Yep, pretty much describes you...

[GAchasen]

Are you kidding me? You are not happy in your relationship with your husband if you are resorting to sleeping with a co-worker... Maybe you should re-think all of this and focus on why you married your husband. Oh, and think about how your husband is going to react when you tell him you have two soul mates .Also mention that you knew he would come back to you and that you could make it all go away because you have refreshed yourself or something along those lines. I do not agree with this behavior. I think you should be honest with yourself and not everyone has affairs.

[jnj express]

Besides what everyone else is saying which is advice that is excellent, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE PAIN YOU WILL CAUSE YOUR H. There is nothing worse, the visions, the loss of trust, the wrecking of a family, and if you have kids, the mental problems that they will endure the rest of their life. What are you having a pre-mid life crisis. This guy is your soulmate, THAT IS PURE DRIVEL. What you are doing is getting yourself some imaginary hot passion. You had this passion with your H. when you took your VOWS, you remember your vows don't you, if you don't, try hard remember what you promised, and oh let me see i do believe it wasn't TO HURT YOUR HUSBAND BY CHEATING ON HIM AND SPREADING YOUR LEGS FOR THE SLIMEBALL YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. This guy who you think is your soulmate, is a slimeball POS, who is bent on ruining a good mge, and family. You want verification of all this read confused's thread. Her emotions are real, her life IS GONE, everyday is dark and gray for her, there is no sun any more for her, She has cried so much she can't even cry any more. But for her piece of A. and the slimeball that convinced her to have the A. she would be enjoying her life. That will never happen again for her. Your ONS will wreck your life and the lives of those around you. Sure there is love at 1st sight chemistry, there is also an adult who knows right from wrong. You had better listen to what you are being told here, cuz even if you do get away with your ONS, your life will never be the same, and once the two of you have your tryst, what makes you think the slimeball POS you are doing it with will go away. YOUR LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT, peaceful, enjoyable, fun, kind , no real cares in the world, WILL BE OVER FOREVER, REPLACED BY A DARK FOREBODING LANDSCAPE of hurt, pain, and darkness, probably leading to DIVORCE. You go ahead and have your ONS, then you can join confused"s club of lifetime grief. What would you like us to call youi from now on, how about FOOL.

[jnj express]

Sorry i messed up at least there are no kids for you to screw their lives up, just your dogs. Cuz you really don't seem to care that you will screw your husbands life up.