searcher Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 My husband an I have been together 18 years and married for 12. We have 2 children aged 13 & 8. Up until 2 months ago I thought things were o.k. between us. He had been working away from home in another city for 3 months prior and coming home on weekends which I wasn't that happy about but he was enjoying the work. He started of by telling me that he wasn't happy with certain things in our relationship. Over the following week after many discussions he told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore and could not see a future for us. From then on he stopped coming home on the weekends. (I'm 99.99% sure there is no other woman involved) I was in complete shock as I never saw this coming. He was my best friend and I trusted him completely. For about two weeks I could hardly get out of bed and when I did I had my first panic attack. I would spend hours crying down the phone at him trying to get him to reconsider. At this stage he is still saying he doesn't know if he wants to even try to work things out. It's like he's run away and buried his head in the sand. Sometimes I wonder if he is hoping that something will change that will bring those feeling of love back and sometimes I think that he thinks if he stays away for long enough I'll just get on with my life and he won't have to feel any guilt. Over the last month I've read quite a few books on how to save marriages. The all have a similar theme. To give the other person space, change your behavior, let go of any resentment etc. I think I know what I need to do but it's been hard to get to this point. The thing is in all the forums I've looked at and all the web sites that offer advice on separation I have found that it is mostly directed towards men who's wives have left. I know that 70% of divorces are initiated by women so I'm in the minority. I'd really like to get other peoples perspective (especially from any men) on my situation. Should I just leave him alone and hope he comes around - is that he best thing to do? I really want to try to save my marriage.
Nomad1 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You say you are 99.99% sure he is not seeing anyone. I think that people only question their love / commitment to their longtime partners when there is someone else on the scene. Your case might be an exception, but it doesn't add up. There is nothing you can do. Let him go. Actually, tell him you completely agree that you should part. Good luck Nomad1
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You say you are fairly certain he is not seeing someone. However, what he is doing is classic affair behavior. How do you know he isn't seeing someone? At this point, I'd be hiring a PI to be absolutely sure. There is no way you can save your marriage unless you know for certain.
mark982 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 time to investigate, there's something fishy here,like another woman.
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