Graduate Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Hey guys, I am back in the same town as my ex-boyfriend and we have had our 'catching-up lunch', and yesterday we had our 'we can still be friends' dinner, but I can feel that it is moving into a direction of a non-platonic relationship. I still like him a lot, but for the same reasons as in the past, I know that there is no future for this relationship, even though he is a great guy and we seem to have lots of fun together. I have tried to keep this platonic, but I can tell he wants more and now I don't know what to do. Should I enjoy the few weeks/months we might have together, always knowing that there is no future and we will have to say goodbye in 2 months top, or should I say goodbye now, while we have not crossed the line into a romantic relationship? I am pretty sure if I tell him that I will only have contact with him as friends, he will agree, but it will be too hard for me to hold on to this plan, because everytime he touches my hand or shoulder, my heart skips a beat. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 If he wasn't your ex-b/f and both of you were aware there was an expiry date, as long as you felt you can walk away without much ado, I would have said go for it. Not every relationship is destined for long-term. With him being your ex-b/f, it makes things a bit more complicated. There's probably deeper emotions involved. Do you mind me asking what happened to your relationship and who broke up with whom?
Author Graduate Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Do you mind me asking what happened to your relationship and who broke up with whom? No, I don't mind at all. Thanks for taking the time to give me some advice. It ended because I had to move on for work. We knew that when we started dating last year and agreed we would just enjoy the time we got together and not try to make more out of it once I left. While that sounded good on paper, it did not turn out that way at first, because once I left he started calling me and for the first month we were practically in daily contact, then it got less and less and he stopped calling completely after another 2 months or so. It hurt a lot, but I figured I could not be angry at him because we had agreed not to try and make this long-distance. Now I am back, but only for 3 months, before I move back to the other side of the world. It seems like he would be happy to pick up where we left off, but I don't know if that is a good idea. I already care a lot about him, even though I have managed to get over the 'in love' part, but to start it all again, while knowing that we will have to say goodbye again soon, seems too cruel to contemplate. In case you are wondering why we can't go long-distance for a while or try to move closer to each other in the future; he comes from a small town in the midwest, where he has kids, family, friends, etc and is desperate to get back there ASAP. I live mostly in Europe or Australia, but even if I moved back permanently to the US, a small town in the midwest is not where I see myself settling down. As you see, there is just no hope for a long-term relationship, which btw, he is totally fine with. But while he says we should live in the now and enjoy the time we have together, I can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the future we won't be able to have. On the other hand, people always say that you regret the chances you did not take, instead of the chances you did. So maybe I should just go for it, enjoy his company as much as possible, because next year I might already be dead anyway.
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