4givrnt4gtr Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I cant do this!! i dont want to...i cant!! I didnt want this to begin with. I didnt want to date him. I didnt want to get involved. Why didnt i listen to myself. He was so persistent.....and now what. Now that i realize he is what I want, now he says he wants me but in a few months when he has to go away he has to let me go. I broke up with him last night. Its been horrible all day....I dont want to be without him but I cant be with him. I cant put myself thru the hell of being with him, knowing at the end of the day he is going to let me go. But i dont want to be without him. Ive never been like this. Ive never been afraid to be without someone. But i dont want to be without him. How do i get thru this. I want him so badly but....he doesnt..obviously. How do i get thru tonight....
boldjack Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Why? Why not? WTF? Please be specific, nobody can help if we don't know what the story is.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You did!!! What did you expect? At least he was honest about leaving in the future, and you're only being cautious for your wellbeing.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 when we started dating he told me he was moving to a city 7 hours away in the fall of this year (we started late last year). I asked him whether he thought, assuming things were great between us, that we could try to do long distance for a while as Im finishing up school. Bassically I didnt want to get into anything that had a definite end. It didnt make sense to me. Well, back then he said that though it would be hard, if it made sense, then he didnt see why not. So we continued dating and things were really great. But then last weekend he went to a party where he saw his ex girlfriend of 5 years whom broke up with him at the begining of last year. After that, he went into a huge downhill. He became very depressive and was just not happy all week. On top of that he started giving hints that seeing her made him realize he wasnt completely over what happened. (way too much drama for this entry). So i kept asking him if he needed time. He said no, that he wanted me to be with him, yet at other points he would say that he thought noone else but what he had in mind with his ex could make him happy. I started feeling rejected, like i was second best. He insisted that wasnt the case. Well yeaterday he was in a particularly bad mood. We talked about it and he said he knew i was a good thing that came along in the past year yet he couldnt fully appreciate me since he was so messed up and kind of lost at this point. The more he talked the more i realized he needs time to figure his life out, whatever that may be. Well, after a while I said i was concerned for him because i didnt want to put more pressure on him. He said that I wasnt but that he couldnt fully give me the attention I deserved. So we talked more about it and I told him i would gladly stand by him thru this as long as I knew he wanted me for me and not as a rebound. He acknowledge that I may be a bit of a rebound, but thats not all. That he felt we have a real good connection and really likes to be with me. SO then we got to his house and he starts talking about how worried he is regarding him getting into school and not knowing what it would mean for us. I told him that he knew where i stood regarding that. That i wouldnt mind having a long distance relationship while I finish school and then i would join him. He said he knew but he also knew it would be too hard. I tried to give him all kinds of scenerios, try to put a positive spin about how having a long distance relationship would allow us to concentrate in school and look forward to something every other week. After a while he told me i was grasping at straws and he didnt want me to do that. That to be honest he wanted to be single while he went to school and wanted to fully focus in school. I conceded that if thats what he wanted then we shouldnt even be arguing about this...he made up his mind already and we would have to break up once he got into school which will be in 5 months. That got me thinking...and I asked him that what was the point of continuing with this. I had told him at the begining that I didnt want a fling. That I refuse to be a space holder while he got his life together and move up, leaving me behind. He said he knew that but that he didnt see it as a fling...that he knew we had something really good. I said i knew that but what was the point of building something so good when he was going to let it go in august... I told him i couldnt do that...that I couldnt put myself thru that, because the more time i spent with him the more attached i was going to get. He said he understood. He got up and hugged me... we hugged for a while. He then said he didnt know what he wanted and he knew he was really messed up, beside the whole leaving thing, he had other issues to deal with. I know thats true. I know he needs this time to figure himself out.... But my god im in pain. I really want to be with him. Im thinking of telling him i take it back, that i am willing to be with him til he leaves.... I dont want this pain right now...I cant stand seeing and doing things that we did together knowing its over... I cant do this! Please help...what should i do???
Tasha Hedges Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I would say just go for it Then deal with the issues of this later, at this time I think you should just do what you want to do.
soulseeker Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Listen, you've just got to let this one go. Unless you want even more pain in a few months. Your guy is being pretty damn clear that you dont mean that much to him. You cannot take this personally, just move the f on. I am saying this out of experience and because well, life is just too damn short. I never try to convince someone that they should be with me. They should just want to be with me. It sounds like that's exactly what you are doing. You simply CANNOT let yourself believe that this guy is so damn special that you will never meet anyone like him again. That is setting yourself up for a very depressing life. Hey, I moved to a new city with my bf, after he told me I was the love of his life, never met anyone like me before, talked marriage, etc., then, things got tough and he couldnt handle it, and he bailed. You know how much I want to be with him? Well, he doesnt want to be with me. SO, I am moving on!!! I am 31 and wanted to MARRY this guy. But, what else can I do? Waste time on him? I dont think so. Choosing to move on doesnt devalue what we had. Pick yourself up and move on. Anytime you catch yourself having those thoughts of this guy being so great, just correct them immediately. You cannot allow yourself to wallow in this. It makes things so much worse. And forget about keeping track of how long you've been NC, that's just another form of holding on. You'll get through this, but it does take some mental effort on your side. I dont mean to be harsh, but I have been through this, and am going through it again (sigh), and it's that mental effort that gets you through it.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 I hear you soulseeker, i know you are completely right. I dont remember ever feeling such anguish like i felt last night when i wrote that post. I was literally panicking. Thankfully I got a hold of myself and didnt do something i would regret later. I knew that had I sent that message it was likely that we would get back together but on his terms. Thats not what i want. If he cant appreciate me to the point of not wanting to let me go no matter what, then he doesnt deserve me. I will stick to my guns with him or anyone else that may want something with me. If they want me, it better be for the long run cuz otherwise they are wasting my time. He texted me this morning asking me if we could talk. As i said I will not waver and I will not give into giving everything in exchange for nothing. If he wants to be friends, thats fine, but thats about it. Unless he tells me he thought it thru and realize he doesnt want to lose me now or ever, I wont hear of it. thanks for the support. I love this forum, its gotten me thru some really rough times
wiseup Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 OMG 4giv, you just described my guy(if i could call him my guy, that is. We were never really together.) I think you should listen to him. I know it's really easy to let little things slip if they are not what we wanna hear. But he's telling you he's not happy with himself right now. He's got issues to solve. And i know you probably really want to help him but sometimes the solution has to come from within himself. Nobody can help him, not even you. And not to be harsh here, but I think sometimes we overestimate what we mean to the guy we like. I'm sure he likes you, but there are levels of liking someone. He doesn't think you are that special after all. From the sound of it, you like him way more than he does you. That's really dangerous for you. He can break your heart just like that. Guard your heart. I cannot stress this enough. Protect yourself. He will protect himself too. His ex hurt him so now he knows he needs to protect him too. I know he's leaving in 5 months and I doubt it's gonna be all rosy even though he did come around later on(i read your other posts). But think about it, why wouldn't he be warm up to you? His ex dumped him. He doesn't have anyone else. And you clearly like him a lot and he knows that. Why wouldn't he wanna be with you? But you really should have your own reservations. He's not into you as you are into him. Just protect yourself.
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