Kevio Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I have been seeing this man for 8 months and we live four hours apart and see each other every other weekend. He is wonderful in so many ways but I have trust issues...I know. He never had anything to do and would spend his time at home, with his son, or his parents. Several weeks ago, he told me he was going to dinner with his ex and son to discuss colleges, his son is a junior. A few days later, he took his ex and her friends to a wine tasting because they didnt want to drink and drive, but he did. There have been several other occassions where he was out and I called but he didnt answer his phone. A couple of times, he would call me back and say his phone went directly to voice mail but I had a suspicion that he was in the bathroom somewhere returning my call. If he is cheating, I dont think it is the ex but I do think he is using her as an excuse to be out. About two weeks ago, I asked him if he was dating anyone else or if he had had a date in the past month with anyone else and he said no and reassured me that he only wanted to be with me. Well, it didnt work because for the past two weeks, I have been very suspicious about little things. Occassionally, I will call him and he will not answer his phone but then call an hour or so later. He always carries his phone on his hip. He was treating himself to dinner last night and I called him and he didnt answer. I texted him and asked him what he was doing. He texted back and said he was eating in a restaruant and sorry he missed my call. I texted back with "cant eat and talk?" and he texted "restaruant" and I texted "with who". He still did not call me back until 45 minutes later. He never used the dry cleaners but today he picked up his clothes from the cleaners. I asked if he was dry cleaning his work clothes and he said no, he had his nice shirts and pants cleaned. WHY? I havent seen him wear a nice shirt and pants in many weeks. Supposedly, he doesnt really do anything and doesnt really have friends to hang out with. So where has he been or where is he going? See, I am not very trusting. I was supposed to be out of town this weekend but it was canceled so I asked if he wanted to come see me and he said no because his son was coming back from a snow skiing trip, had hurt his foot on the first day and it was still black and blue and the mother was out of town and he thought he needed to be there when he got home. He didnt have a problem leaving his son the weekend of his 17 birthday and coming to see me. He says all the right things but my gut says he is lying to me. Should I go with my gut feeling or just sit back until I know for sure. Am I paranoid and need to get a grip before I run off a good man? I know I am being very immature but I cant seem to shake this feeling right now. Help!
voldigicam Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Gut feeling is usually correct. Information you present suggests someone else, too. Leaving someone alone for a while certainly leaves that opening. I get lonely. Hey, I get lonely just having my family with their heads stuck into facebook! I'm glad I have a little dog to play with. I suppose you can either be OK with it, not exercising implicit contractual restrictions on someone else's life, or not be OK with it and leave or confront. Or you could ask to be included, or show up and insist on being accommodated. It's a tough call. But I don't think you're paranoid.
Author Kevio Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 It is a tough call. Although he denies seeing someone, I cant seem to shake the feeling that he is. If I cant accept his statement as truth I need to move on. Thanks for your response.
Treasa Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 It does sound suspicious. However, cut him some slack on some things. I HATE talking on my cell phone, especially when out in public such as at a restaurant. Why do people have to be glued to their cell phones while doing everything nowadays? However, if you're really suspicious, either you shouldn't be with him as there is no trust, or you should consider hiring a private detective.
2sure Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 While I agree some of it seems suspicious. You really seem to be picking it apart. EX: His son has been injured and Mom isnt home so he wants to stay with him VS not staying with him on his BD - comparing that is totally out of line. Out to dinner alone or with others - using your cell at the table is obnoxious.
Nahanni Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I have been dating this guy for almost two years, he doesn't want to comit as we both have young kids and it's 'complicated ' as he says. Then I read an e-mail he sent to his buddy last week. (oh and I guess he calls me "french/canada"- I didn't know and find it offending and impersonnal) ...yes I had some suspicions about his fidelity and I checked his e-mails... This is what he wrote: "I think French/canda woman is kinda looking for a commitment so I'm riding the fence on that decsion as long as I can...not sure what to do there. She's great but 2 young kids scares me as that's what terri [ex partner] had & they ended up driving me nuts.. & then a couple months ago this syco chick at work (33, kinda hot) told me she wants to have an affair with me, & then another married chick at work 35, getting divorced,I think told me at our last work happy hour she had a thang for me...what the hell!! Why all married ones!!!???? First 1 I think I will stay away from even if she was single, but the second 1 would be tempting if she was single as she is smart & pretty damn hot too. She would be fun for a couple nights that's for sure" and then he replied again to his body about his 'hot' co-worker: "gotta say the soon-to-maybe divorced 35 yr old is looking pretty hot but I'm not touching that until she's at least seperated..I do have some morals...... Anyway things are pretty good with canada, we got together over Thanksgiving & had dinner/wine/laughs. This could be the one but how does 1 really know when there are really so many out there that need to be 'tapped'!! " So I am confused and need some matcho male talk expert here. is he just blowin smoke to his body or is he really thinking about other women. he says he loves me every day he says he wants to spend his life with me (but not for a couple more years through). advice ??????
AMM003 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 You have to start another thread and not hijack this one
AMM003 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Something's going on. It almost always starts with the cell phone. Good luck, I feel for you.
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