Cherbear Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I am classmate with this guy B in our graduate program. We've been getting close ever since the beginning of Dec. It started out as an innocent study partner thing and now both of us have admitted multiple times that we like each other very much. I even think I am in love with him. Call me crazy, I know. It's not been that long but I really felt he's really special. When we got together in Dec., I already knew he's gonna transfer next year. He's gonna leave in the summer for LA and I am gonna stay in NY. We are both in our 1st year of PhD. And it's almost impossible for me to transfer with him since I already transferred once and it's gonna look really bad on my resume if I did it twice. So it's a solid next 5 years from coast to coast if we do decide to be in a relationship. Right now we are still friends, though we hug passionately and we have kissed a few times. It's the uncertainty about future that prevents us from doing more. He said he doesn't think we should rush into things and he doesn't know if we have the foundation to do that, which I kinda understand except that I'd wanna give it a shot for him. Both of us have been in LDRs before, which is a plus I guess. Still, a 5-year LDR is a courageous undertaking, as he put it. So right now we are contemplating the possibility of this relationship. I just somehow feel that maybe he doesn't want this as much as I do since he's the one that says we shouldn't rush into things. Or maybe he's being realistic? What's your take on this? Thank you!
Island Girl Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I think I am in one of the longest LDRs here on the Shack. We have been together over eight years. We are in year number seven of the distance. We haven't been able to see each other as we are in two different countries and cost is extreme. We are very much together and the distance has not changed that. In fact we were married in 2006. However I would say we would not have lasted had we not been committed from the very beginning that we were going to be together. You will be in a position that you will be able to see each other at least a few times each year if not more so in that way you are better off than I. But you both really have to want it to have the best chance. And I think you are right that he is not as gung ho about this as you are. Maybe you could talk to him realistically about his fears, etc. of what he thinks may happen. You may try approaching this with a "we will be together and take things day by day"approach than the "we are going to do this for five years!" on that you kind of have going right now. I honestly do not know what I would have done if in the beginning someone kept hammering "7 years we can do it!". Even though I now have achieved that it still would have seemed daunting and just about impossible back then. So maybe that will help. Good luck!!
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