mramo Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Hi there. Ive joined this forum with the intent to try understanding why fate brings me together with married women? All my life all I have ever wanted was a single woman to call as my own. But since 2001, the common pattern seems to be that I ending up meeting amazing, genuine women who happen to be married or with boyfriends - with me always being "single" at that very moment! In the space of 18 months I have met 2 different married women. WIFE 1 Duration with husband: 4 years - present Age: 22 Children: 2 Infidelity reasons: Unhappy in marriage, never taken seriously by hubby. Met since: October 2007 (in Chatroom) WIFE 2 Duration with husband: 7 years - present Age: 30 Children: none Infidelity reasons: Unhappy in marriage, overlooked, husband focuses on career than herself. He delays wanting children with her. Met since: May 2008 (in Chatroom). ME Age: 28 My Aim/Objective: Seeking to have my 1st ever long term relationship with somebody which will lead to true love, marriage & children - without any complications. Recently, I decided to end seeing wife 1 because I couldnt bear destroying the family life she had. She has 2 children involved with him! I could never dream of being classed as a homewrecker by taking away perfect harmony away from his kids. However we clicked so much. And we still do. Its a completely different scenario with Wife-2. I met Wife 2 in July & travelled 200 miles north to Manchester to see her. I knew she was married, but what was meant to be a normal meet (with me driving back home that evening) turned into something much more unexpectidly. We shared our 1st kiss & then I booked a hotel & we spent half a night together including breakfast the next morning. We talked virtually every other day ever since. We met again in August in a Castle all weekend until it was time to go our own way + which was one of the most romantic weekends I have ever organised in my life. The hardest part ever was trying to control my emotions for 2 things. 1) Knowing what I have done was wrong 2) Her emotions she expressed before we had to leave each other was unbearable, and for the 1st time in my life a woman actually cried on my shoulder to showcase her affections for missing me once we leave the hotel & depart separate directions. I need to know what drives me from continuing to meet her? I wish I didnt get involved in this relationship knowing the time I am at home, she is probably making love to her husband which isnt a nice thought going through my head. However we are both highly in love with each other. Though she wont express it in the "I love you" words. I dont expect her to say the words. But I sense her feelings immediately through her voice & when we meet. We've talked a lot about planning to be together & for her to end it with her husband, and also try for a baby together because its what we both want. Im really confused & sometimes anxious on what would ever happen if she did the same thing to me?
tami-chan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 1) Stop trying to meet women in chatrooms. Many bored, dissatisfied wives are in chatrooms trying to live virtual lives until they find someone like you. 2) Go get a life outside the net...oh, that's the same as 1. 3) or if you MUST be online, sign up on those legitimate ( are they really?) dating sites---match.com or the like.
Lucky_One Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 However we are both highly in love with each other. Though she wont express it in the "I love you" words. I dont expect her to say the words. But I sense her feelings immediately through her voice & when we meet. We've talked a lot about planning to be together & for her to end it with her husband, and also try for a baby together because its what we both want. You two are going to try to get pregnant and she is going to leave her husband, and she won't say "I love you"??? That just seems....backwards.
bentnotbroken Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Maybe you should try therapy before either of you bring an innocent child into the world. It is obvious you need to learn how to cope effectively with life's little inconveniences, like marriage being hard work. Don't bring a child into the world until you learn mature coping skills.
Athena Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Ive joined this forum with the intent to try understanding why fate brings me together with married women? All my life all I have ever wanted was a single woman to call as my own. But since 2001, the common pattern seems to be (...) Hello Mr Amo, welcome to L.S. Well let me see -- my take on your problem is it's not Fate, its your Choices leading up to the same ole thing both times... you made the decision to talk to married women, to get to 'know them' and to hook up with them... no fate involved at all. In the space of 18 months I have met 2 different married women. WIFE 1 WIFE 2 Wife #1 Wife #2?? Why not call them OW1 and OW2 (you know, Other Woman... or MW1 and MW2 -- Married Woman...) since they are your affair partners, and not your wives... yet ME Age: 28 My Aim/Objective: Seeking to have my 1st ever long term relationship with somebody which will lead to true love, marriage & children - without any complications. So why go with Married women, With kids, and Husbands? = lots n lots of complications ... if you think your life is complicated now, just wait till their husbands find out about you.... Recently, I decided to end seeing wife 1 because I couldnt bear destroying the family life she had. So -- you were seeing TWO married women simultaneously, but you claim you don't want 'complications' in your life?! She has 2 children involved with him! I could never dream of being classed as a homewrecker by taking away perfect harmony away from his kids. Oh, you didn't know she had 2 children until after you slept with her? Ok, because I thought you were just using it as an excuse to end it with her, you know, calling yourself 'not a homewrecker' after the fact.... I need to know what drives me from continuing to meet her? Affairs are very addictive... so I am not surprised you feel driven to meet her (even if against your logic)... watch out... you know what they say about Cheaters?! = "Once a Cheater, always a Cheater" -- is that how you think you are going to attract a good, decent, moral lady one day to be your Wife? Will she want to marry a Cheater? How will you explain your history to her? Think, will ya I wish I didnt get involved in this relationship knowing the time I am at home, she is probably making love to her husband which isnt a nice thought going through my head. No, it cant be nice for you & it must be so hard for you, but it will be devastating for her H when he finds out his wife has been sharing her body and heart with a strange man! However we are both highly in love with each other. This is no reason to go poaching another man's wife! How would you like your wife one day being taken advantage of by some single guy who plans romantic getaways and talks sweet nothings into her cell phone while you are out working all day to take care of finances? Have you heard of Karma, you know, what comes around, goes around? Im really confused & sometimes anxious on what would ever happen if she did the same thing to me? Well, if you live by the Maxim, 'Do unto others as you would want them to do to you', then you should be alright, methinks. But, okay,so you also wonder if this second married woman would ever cheat on you? Does she know you cheated on her? I personally like the idea of two cheaters getting together, it kind of saves two other spouses a lot of heartbreak esp. if their spouses are faithful!
boldjack Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Well, mr, You'll probably not find a lot of sympathy for your actvities.I agree with Athena that the thought of a cheater being cheated on is poetic justice.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Keep messing around someone is bound to get shot ya know? There aint no single women or do you just do it for the conquest because you my friend are one sick individual.
RinClavin Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 What's with all the hate. Have you all forgotten which side of the forum you're on? The tag line clearly says "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." Tough love is one thing... but criticism for the sake of criticism is not helpful. That said... Before you can make any sense of your actions you need to take fate out of the equation. Stop phrasing questions in the form of "why is this happening to me?" Once you accept that your decisions, both good and bad, are your decisions you can begin to look at them more objectively. There is no instinct that causes our minds, bodies, and hearts to become repulsed at the idea of a person with a ring on their finger. There is nothing unnatural about finding yourself attracted to a MW (married woman) however before you can make any further decisions you have to accept that you did decide to take this further and it didn't just happen to you. I am glad that you decided to end it with MW1. Although she's awfully young to be in the situation she is in, and obviously has problems with her marriage, if and when it ends it needs to be based on its own merits (or lack thereof) NOT another man. I'm in something of that situation... I haven't given up, but I feel really young to be married and am having to re-evaluate my life (no kids btw). I found myself in an EA with another man and am going through the painful process of detoxing that relationship from my mind. The reason is because I do NOT want to ruin my marriage BECAUSE of another man. If we both try as hard as we can and it still fails... then it fails... I think you should apply the same reasoning to the second situation. No good will come out of further entanglement. Tell her that you love her and can see a future with her... but can't continue contact with her as long as she is committed to her husband. Tell her to end it if she loves you. If she doesn't... you'll have your answer.
Owl Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Perhaps that's part of the confusion...you quoted the goal of the forum as "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.". The reality is that you never "FIND" yourself involved with anyone...you chose to be right where you're at. The only exception is someone who doesn't know (for whatever reasons) that the person they're with is married. But if they opt to continue once that knowledge is there...it's still a CHOICE. Affairs aren't accidental...ever. They're a result of conscious, intentional decisions. This guy wants to know why he "finds himself" in this situation. It's simple...he's found himself there because he's chosen to pursue a relationship with two different married women. KNOWING that they were married. Why would he have gone to meet up with someone when he already knew that they were married? What happened wasn't an accident...it was planned.
RinClavin Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You can say love is a choice until you're blue in the face... and I'm not disagreeing with that statement... but the fact of the matter is we make bad choices. Many of those choices seem to take on momentum of their own. I'll reference my own situation again, because it's the only direct experience I've ever had in this area. I'm the MW in my story, and I "found" myself becoming close to a male friend of mine. Of course I chose to speak to him, and of course no conversation was ever forced on me. But the fact of the matter is that I never "planned" to develop romantic feelings. I never "planned" to fall for him, as it were. I'm not in any way denying that my choices have gotten me where I am, I'm just saying you can look around and wonder how things got to the way they are. I really don't believe that moment should be after you've had sex, but many on here would say an EA and a PA are both betrayal. Again, in my situation, once I realized what was happening I began the process of fighting for clarity. But people do make mistakes. You seem to disagree with this statement, but an affair can be a mistake. A series of bad choices that seemed relatively innocent at the time can lead you to a place where you've already compromised... to a point where in the fog of emotion you don't see your choices for what they are. This doesn't justify betrayal... but it does shed some light on the hows and whys people "find" themselves involved with the wrong person. And for the reccord... I stated several times that his attitude of "how did this just happen to me" was the first problem he had to address. We're not in disagreement on that point. However, if you don't agree with the mission statement of this side of the forum... why be here? I am new, and in now way am I suggesting you're opinion is irrelevant, or your advice is unappreciated. I'm just honestly curious... if you think everyone here diservs what they get because they chose to be here... what do you gain from this interaction?
desertmoon Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Well, mr, You'll probably not find a lot of sympathy for your actvities.I agree with Athena that the thought of a cheater being cheated on is poetic justice. LOL..a cheater being cheated...!!!!--way to go Athena!
bentnotbroken Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 What's with all the hate. Have you all forgotten which side of the forum you're on? The tag line clearly says "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." Tough love is one thing... but criticism for the sake of criticism is not helpful. That said... Before you can make any sense of your actions you need to take fate out of the equation. Stop phrasing questions in the form of "why is this happening to me?" Once you accept that your decisions, both good and bad, are your decisions you can begin to look at them more objectively. There is no instinct that causes our minds, bodies, and hearts to become repulsed at the idea of a person with a ring on their finger. There is nothing unnatural about finding yourself attracted to a MW (married woman) however before you can make any further decisions you have to accept that you did decide to take this further and it didn't just happen to you. I am glad that you decided to end it with MW1. Although she's awfully young to be in the situation she is in, and obviously has problems with her marriage, if and when it ends it needs to be based on its own merits (or lack thereof) NOT another man. I'm in something of that situation... I haven't given up, but I feel really young to be married and am having to re-evaluate my life (no kids btw). I found myself in an EA with another man and am going through the painful process of detoxing that relationship from my mind. The reason is because I do NOT want to ruin my marriage BECAUSE of another man. If we both try as hard as we can and it still fails... then it fails... I think you should apply the same reasoning to the second situation. No good will come out of further entanglement. Tell her that you love her and can see a future with her... but can't continue contact with her as long as she is committed to her husband. Tell her to end it if she loves you. If she doesn't... you'll have your answer. When I throw a rock, you will know it;)
Mr. Lucky Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Again, in my situation, once I realized what was happening I began the process of fighting for clarity. But people do make mistakes. You seem to disagree with this statement, but an affair can be a mistake. A series of bad choices that seemed relatively innocent at the time can lead you to a place where you've already compromised... to a point where in the fog of emotion you don't see your choices for what they are. What a crock. You could use the same methodology to justify everything from drunk driving to child molestation. One isn't responsible for their "bad choices" because they're in the "fog of emotion"? As I posted in another thread, making a wrong turn coming out of a parking lot is a mistake. Forgetting to set the timer while the cookies are in the oven is a mistake. By contrast, an affair is a calculated and carefully planned series of lies, deceptions and betrayals. Not even close to the same thing... Mr. Lucky
michelangelo Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I hope some day you meet a wonderful single women and fall in love, have children. Then some fool like you weasels his way into your wife's affections and bangs her like screendoor in a tornado. Only then will you realize how wrong your behavior is.
NoIDidn't Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 By contrast, an affair is a calculated and carefully planned series of lies, deceptions and betrayals. Not even close to the same thing... Mr. Lucky Yup. In fact, researchers have shown that by the time an affair gets to the EA stage, one has already pushed through at least four boundaries that normal people have. You know, the cute guy, the married one, was flirting with me. I couldn't, he's married. Well, he said, let him worry about his marriage. I can't believe I'm doing this. We went to lunch today, had a great time. We almost kissed. I think I like him. Its a series of ignoring our feelings and values (if we have them) to get what we want. No mistake there.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Its a series of ignoring our feelings and values (if we have them) to get what we want. No mistake there. I agree. And it's always instructive to see what "after the fact" rationalizations can be spun to make the WS seem as though they were powerless to resist. Between the "fogs" and "clouded" judgements, it's like the weather report from hell... Mr. Lucky
Purple_me Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I'm surprised no one pointed this: but I think you fall for "prohibited" women because you're really afraid of getting what you say you want. While you keep "bumping" into taken women, you will never be able to have a healty relathionship with anyone, have the "normal" life you say you want, and the kids you're longing to have. And if you keep doing this of "finding yourself in a relationship with a taken woman" you will never be able to do everything you want, specially because once you find an availble nice lady, you'll always be afraid of that woman doing to you what your MW do to their husbands. Don't blame on fate, that's kinda cheap. Look inside of yourself and you'll see all the answer you're looking for. All you need is a little honesty. S.
Meaplus3 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I'm just wondering how the two of you can be talking about a child.. when this woman is married?? Really, this just does not seem right. She needs to figure out her marriage first before making baby plans with you. Now, Why is it that you think you keep ending up with women who already belong to another? Mea:)
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Hi there. Ive joined this forum with the intent to try understanding why fate brings me together with married women? Fate DIDN'T bring you together with 2 married women....your d!ck did. In the space of 18 months I have met 2 different married women. WIFE 1 Duration with husband: 4 years - present Age: 22 Children: 2 Infidelity reasons: Unhappy in marriage, never taken seriously by hubby. Met since: October 2007 (in Chatroom) WIFE 2 Duration with husband: 7 years - present Age: 30 Children: none Infidelity reasons: Unhappy in marriage, overlooked, husband focuses on career than herself. He delays wanting children with her. Met since: May 2008 (in Chatroom). uh huh....blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. Gee, it wouldn't look very good if they told you they were happy with their marriage, or that they had a good marriage while messing around with you would it? They may be unhappy, they may not be. Could be they just get bored with married/family life. Of course a single guy is exciting to them...they don't have the daily challenges of married/family life with you. If you were in their husbands' shoes, it would be the same thing and they'd be looking to cheat on you too. The hardest part ever was trying to control my emotions for 2 things. 1) Knowing what I have done was wrong 2) Her emotions she expressed before we had to leave each other was unbearable, and for the 1st time in my life a woman actually cried on my shoulder to showcase her affections for missing me once we leave the hotel & depart separate directions. I need to know what drives me from continuing to meet her? Again, your d!ck. Ya I know, she cried on your shoulder and has alot of emotions. Ok, here is a little test.....ask her to leave her husband. Tell her to do the right thing by her husband and file for divorce, as her husband doesn't deserve what she is doing to him. More importanly, tell her you want her to leave her husband for YOU. Whaddya wanna bet she isn't willing to do that? Oh, but she is unhappy....if she doesn't leave, then she wasn't all that unhappy now was she? I wish I didnt get involved in this relationship knowing the time I am at home, she is probably making love to her husband which isnt a nice thought going through my head. However we are both highly in love with each other. Then have her leave her husband. He deserves better. We've talked a lot about planning to be together & for her to end it with her husband, and also try for a baby together because its what we both want. Now its a sure thing that she should leave her husband. Whats stopping her? I can see her getting pregnant by you, and her husband will be the one to support the child Im really confused & sometimes anxious on what would ever happen if she did the same thing to me? Well if you are with her for an extended period of time and had a family with her, she would. The trials of married life with you would be compounded by the stress of raising a family.....she'd be looking to better deal you at some point. But really, that is your problem and then you would know what its like to be in the BS shoes. But I hope you two end up together, but only so that her husband can be free from her and move one. He doesn't deserve this.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 3) or if you MUST be online, sign up on those legitimate ( are they really?) dating sites---match.com or the like. There is a reason people scour chat rooms aimed at socializing with the opposite sex that aren't designed for legitimate match making.....they are looking for sex, or at the very least looking to cyber-fantasize and play.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 What's with all the hate. Have you all forgotten which side of the forum you're on? The tag line clearly says "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." Tough love is one thing... but criticism for the sake of criticism is not helpful. support? support for what? Is he asking for support in how to break free from this married woman? no. Looks like he wants to stay with a married woman....what is there to "support"?
Island Girl Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 FYI support for you does not mean that everyone is going to support decisions that are hurtful to you and others. You made a conscious choice to start an affair where you are damaging other innocent people and engaging in a relationship that sets you up for torment and historically will most likely leave you broken. Not many here are going to support you playing Russian Roulette with your heart or anyone else's. We're generally all about supporting you in doing what is best for you so you can achieve happiness and a fulfilling relationship. Cheers.
Woggle Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 Why would you even be attracted to women like this? These types turn my stomach. If you get involved with one of them eventually you will end up the betrayed man because they are never happy with what they have no matter how good the guy is.
White Flower Posted April 14, 2009 Posted April 14, 2009 MrAmo, just be careful not to put TMI out there. With the internet being what it is, it wouldn't be hard for MW's H to find this story. Don't give locations, ages, number of kids, etc., unless you alter it a little. Don't ever have a baby with this woman unless the ink is dry on the D papers. Good luck, WF.
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