nothappyjan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 The guy i've been seeing has just stopped contacting me and when i tried contacting him he never bothered to reply. The part that bothers me the most is that I wasnt even worthy of a reply, and he just decided to take the easy way out and avoid any confrontation after 8months of knowing each other and being involved in work etc together and had some mutual acquaintances and I just feel terrible that we couldnt even end it on a good note as we may one day end up running into each other through work. Plus our last date went well and I havent done anything to upset him, he just vanished! do most guys just do that or was I just with a jerk
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I'll do this when I've only been on a date or two. Not a longer relationship. I guess all's fair in love and war. I met a guy who was quite the ladie's man that operated this way. It makes sense somewhat, less wear and tear on the ol' confidence. Its easier to be chipper all of the time if you can avoid anything negative.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Men who disappear often feel they don't own anything to the girl. Women tend to develop an attachment earlier on while it can take years for men to actually commit.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Yep! He's a jerk. And a coward. 8 months of knowing each other and dating?? Good riddance.
ShoeGirl Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I had a guy do this to me after a year and a half of being together. Take it from me, forget him now and move on, he is not worth it. I spent way too much time and energy thinking about my ex and all it did was cause more heartache.
loveslife Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Really, do try and move on. You'll hear it from everyone but he is so not worth it. I know you're thinking about the warm and cozy way it was...But someone who will disappear will do it again. And someone who will disappear when they have a meaningful relationship is a JERK.
bobdole Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Its not just men. Not upset or anything. Just stating a fact
D-Lish Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I don't find that men disappear instantly so much as they slowly start reducing contact as the interest level wanes. They might even start becoming mean or irritable progressively before finally stopping contact. When I look back at the few times this has happened to me- I now see that there were warning signs. Maybe they start acting disrespectful, harder to get a hold of, etc. It's cowardly to be sure to just stop answering someone they have known for 8 months. I've had it happen a few times.. The only time I have done this to a guy is if it's been under 3 dates, when I don't feel I owe them anything. But after 8 months, you deserve a break up talk or an explanation. This only proves that he is lacking in charachter, and not someone worthy of your affection.
d0ll Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I think it's rude to do after one or two dates I can't imagine 8 months .. he is beyond a jerk! everyone deserves an explanation even if it isn't what they want to hear :/
Chicago_Guy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I don't understand the original post - were you dating this guy for 8 months? If so, that is pretty unconscionable to simply drop off the face of the earth. This reminds me of a girl with whom I went on three dates last year. I had met her on eHarmony when I was using it for a three month trial. She actually complained to me on the first date about other guys she had dated recently who disappeared/stopped calling after 1-5 dates and how rude she thought they were. However, I realized by the end of the third date why those other guys broke off contact this way, and I also stopped contacting her without explanation because she was the most rude, inconsiderate, and overall awful woman I have ever met in my entire life. But enough about that...
D-Lish Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I realized by the end of the third date why those other guys broke off contact this way, and I also stopped contacting her without explanation because she was the most rude, inconsiderate, and overall awful woman I have ever met in my entire life. But enough about that... That's always been the case with me. Someone has been insensitive, rude- one guy talked abut his ex non-stop. After 1-2 dates, if someone is clearly a jerk- they aren't getting an explanation as to why I stopped talking to them. If someone doesn't talk to me again after a couple dates- I don't fret about it because I'm rarely invested in them at all. 8 months is a different story. He should be giving you an explanation.
Graduate Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I don't know if most guys do that, but it has happened to me. Not with a guy I had been dating for 8 months, but 4 months. It totally sucks and I'd much rather have 'the break-up talk' than just being ignored. Like everybody else said, try to forget that guy and move on. File him under 'dodged the bullet by not staying in touch with him'.
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Guys who avoid having the discussion at the end, are the same kinds of guys who have communication problems in a relationship. If someone treats you like this, while it hurts, consider yourself lucky that you haven't progressed any further into a relationship with him. Selfish!
Author nothappyjan Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Thanks guys, i just feel so bad right now and the worst part is the fact he didnt even feel I was worthy of a reply or call back. I know i will feel better in time but right now I feel like someone is standing on chest crushing me. Oh and the comment about the warning signs- i didnt notice him behaving any differently lately as to the whole time i've known him, it was just a sudden move on. I think he is scared of commitment- hes nearly 30 and managed to avoid any serious relationships, i just feel bad because i am generally quite fussy yet I really liked this guy plus he left me when i was still sick from having my wisdom teeth out as I had complications so he wasnt even gutsy enough to wait until I was well.
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