SeekingOpinions Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I am having trouble understanding the role I am supposed to play in my relationship and would like some opinions on the topic. My girlfriend wants me to play the traditional male role of a strong provider and protector, but she is not interested in playing the traditional female role of homemaker & mother. We both agree that we should be a team. But teams typically have a leader or leaders. A team has a leader or leadership heirarchy to avoid power struggles, and to simplify the decision making process. She says that she wants us to be equals, but in practice it seems she just wants to choose the role that is most convenient for her in each situation. When it is time to pay the bills or shovel the snow she wants me to "be the man" and do it for us. But when it's time to cook dinner and do the dishes, she will say that we are equals but I should do it because I am a better cook or because she is tired and I have more energy, or whatever is convenient for her at the moment. I don't have an issue with gender roles or think that they are inherantly right or wrong. I think two things make a role right or wrong... 1. Did you choose your role of your own free will? 2. Are your role and your partner's role fair? If you answer yes to both, then your role is right for you. It doesn't matter if it is dominant, submissive, or in between, as long as you feel it is fair and you've accepted it of your own free will. What are your thoughts?
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 LOL - your GF sounds lazy. Using the role argument when it suits her purpose and then pulling out of it when it doesn't. I'd be calling her on that. If she wanted me to play the role, I'd keep sitting on my rear and tell her that I'm playing "the man." What a load of crap. LOL I don't think there are any hard and fast rules when it comes to roles. Each relationship can be different. I think in a healthy relationship, either person sees a need that should be filled and just DOES it. Like when we were preparing to go out snowmobiling today, my BF went down to start up the snowmobiles. I decided to make breakfast. They were "traditional" roles, but I don't think it matters. He saw a need, he filled it. I saw a need, I filled it. Besides - I think too many people use the "roles" card as an excuse. Case in point - your GF.
EllieBean Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I don't think my bf and I have completely traditional roles within our relationship; we both work full-time jobs, and when it comes to domestic stuff we each do what we do best. I do most of the cooking because I'm better at it than he is, and he does the dishes because the soapy water irritates my eczema. He tidies the house, and I do the grocery shopping. We put the laundry in the machine and go out for a walk together, then we come back and I iron the clothes while he reads to me. We take care of each other, and we both make coffee or buy the other person little treats or give them a massage etc. I'm a girly girl and my bf is a muscular manly guy, so we preserve the traditional gender roles in that respect, but in general we're pretty much equal, and we see ourselves as a partnership.
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