Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Yes, me too, but it takes the right kind of woman to create that dynamic with. TBF, as you know, there are many women out there who don't see your dynamic as healthy due to their own psychological issues, or they don't feel they deserve that kind of love and relationship. I think your mantra of patience and being selective is well taken. I wish for more women I know and meet to have that kind of confidence Thanks. It's been a learning experience for me, not because I don't believe that people deserve happy relationships but how to believe in my own people picker and never, ever again, rationalize away the warning signs. Mistakes can set you backwards but you have to keep on, keeping on.
carhill Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I'm using my own version of your people picker right now and must say I have to smile at the results. Psychologically, it's confidence-inspiring. I can see aspects of relationships so clearly now; it's as if a fog has been lifted. If any one particular woman appears to me to be unrealistic about choosing a man to date, even if that man were to be me, I now see that reality as her truth. I smile in that knowledge. My truth is mine
Ruby Slippers Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 It does seem like a lot of women have unrealistic expectations. I have no idea why girls who are under 5'4 would demand that a guy be 6'0+ A friend of mine who is about 5'2" is not at all interested in anyone under 6', and I just do not get it. If she meets a cool guy who is 5'10" or something, the FIRST thing she'll say about him later is, "Yeah, he was cool, but he's not very tall." Seriously?! She seems to be very hung up on looks, though. She wonders why she can never find a guy who's into her for anything more than HER looks, but it strikes me as no surprise, given that her criteria almost all revolve around the physical. I am not looking for perfection. What I am looking for is a guy who complements me, is a grownup, treats me well, has similar values, and wants the same things out of a relationship as I do.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 BTW I really hate reading all the comments from the girls here saying that they require a guy to be at least 5'8. Don't you girls realize that height is something that can't be changed? For many men a requirement for women is that they don't weigh more than him. The thing is, a big girl can lose the weight. A guy who's shorter than average can't grow taller. Threads like this make me wonder if I should just give up. I'm probably not going to make it to 30 if my life doesn't pick up. Yes, but it works both ways. Most men go for the physical most of all, and not everyone is born gorgeous. You can get in your best possible shape and still not get much male attention because your face is average. And as a tall girl, I can report that we can actually get made fun of because of it (mostly in the younger years, when men are not that mature), and some guys do want a much shorter/smaller female. I dated one guy an inch shorter than me, and it didn't bother me at all. And I have some tall and very lovely friends who have dated shorter guys. Don't give up hope. Not everyone prioritizes looks and the physical over everything else. And generally speaking, women are less likely to rule out men based on physical elements than men are likely to rule out women.
sockpuppet Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 A friend of mine who is about 5'2" is not at all interested in anyone under 6', and I just do not get it. If she meets a cool guy who is 5'10" or something, the FIRST thing she'll say about him later is, "Yeah, he was cool, but he's not very tall." Seriously?! She seems to be very hung up on looks, though. She wonders why she can never find a guy who's into her for anything more than HER looks, but it strikes me as no surprise, given that her criteria almost all revolve around the physical. I am not looking for perfection. What I am looking for is a guy who complements me, is a grownup, treats me well, has similar values, and wants the same things out of a relationship as I do. I think it's definitely the girls in the early-mid 20's that you see this most. Actually all of their 20's. Guys can be just as picky for sure, but from my perspective, more of my guy friends are getting their hearts broken as we get into our mid-twenties than my female friends are. Most of my female friends have actually asked me at some point in the last year or two, "why are all of these guys so weak?" I've known a lot of these guys and been one of them myself. I disagree with the post in this thread that said men don't know how to treat women well. I have a theory- applies to both sexes but I'm biased and from experience I've seen it more in women. Teens-21ish: "golden age" of dating, first loves, general naivete and trust easily given. Often ending in heartbreak and a personal declaration, "I'll never let a bastard do that to me again". Early-mid 20's: "I don't need you." People who go out of their way to show you they're independent, to a fault. It becomes obvious that they're overcompensating. Also I think a lot of people (esp girls) find out how much power they can have over guys at this stage, and a lot of guys find themselves put through an emotional meat grinder. These girls have high standards and they will have no problem ripping apart guys who don't meet them. Later 20's: "I act like I'm fine but I really have all the same issues" Sorry for the hijack, just my piece. It's a generalization and there are always exceptions..
somedude81 Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Yes, but it works both ways. Most men go for the physical most of all, and not everyone is born gorgeous. You can get in your best possible shape and still not get much male attention because your face is average. Eh I'd have to disagree. The average girl is still pretty cute. Even if she had a really plain face, as long as she isn't fat I'm sure she would get male attention. Maybe not as much attention as a really hot girl but it will still be there. Girls who are "ugly" may have it harder but there are not a lot of ugly girls out there. And as a tall girl, I can report that we can actually get made fun of because of it (mostly in the younger years, when men are not that mature), and some guys do want a much shorter/smaller female. Heh who cares what guys did in their younger years? Anybody that's an adult who makes fun of a girl because of her height is an idiot. I've actually never heard of a guy wanting a shorter girl. For me I much rather prefer that a girl be + or - 3 or so inches from my height. Being 5'6 I'd say my ideal woman is between 5'2 and 5'8. Since 90% of women are in that range it's not an issue. I just wished some women didn't have a stupid requirement that the guy be 6 inches taller than her. I dated one guy an inch shorter than me, and it didn't bother me at all. And I have some tall and very lovely friends who have dated shorter guys. Don't give up hope. Not everyone prioritizes looks and the physical over everything else. And generally speaking, women are less likely to rule out men based on physical elements than men are likely to rule out women.I'm not giving up hope yet. I said 30 for a reason. It's three years from now and I'm going to do everything in my power to be as attractive to woman as possible. If I simply can't get a girlfriend (or at least date somebody) by then after putting in my best effort, then I can see it's not meant to be.
Author Loxx Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 SomeDude, I feel ya pain man, i have a good friend that is about your height. Just dont get down on yourself. When you find a woman you can be sure she is in for the right reasons. It probably will save you years of drama and heartbreak!!! Alot of woman have become shallow and i think men have become less shallow. Cherished, I do not really have problems with women. I just am looking for a certain type of woman. I would not even date a Hot women , i like the cute quiet type that have hearts of gold.
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Most of these women with impossible standards have nothing to offer besides looks. Sure they are attractive but that is all they have. It attracts men but if they want a high quality man they have to offer more than that. So are all attractive guys posers as well? It's not possible that beauty and character can infuse in the world? You have to be one or the other? Hot and shallow vs ugly/average and charming? That's all there is? That's too bad. Only ugly people can be smart- all hot people are shallow...I get it. It's a very reasonable and logical argument.
Author Loxx Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 D-Lish, I think Woggie was simply stating that not that is was impossible, but its definatly not the norm.
sockpuppet Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 So are all attractive guys posers as well? It's not possible that beauty and character can infuse in the world? You have to be one or the other? Hot and shallow vs ugly/average and charming? That's all there is? That's too bad. Only ugly people can be smart- all hot people are shallow...I get it. It's a very reasonable and logical argument. Well it'd be unfair if the hot people had EVERYTHING going for them, right? Regardless, I think it's harder to find that kind of character in the hotter ones on average simply because you develop a lot of character from adversity, something many hot girls (and guys) have never had to face in the dating world. Hell, I even wonder what kind of interests and aspects of my personality I'd have to offer if I hadn't been shut down or hurt or made to feel like I was lacking or needed to adapt. Edit: I know the hot ones DO get hurt, and DO face their own set of problems, but the super-hotties that I've known generally drift from guy to guy and they know they're so hot then don't need to have much else going, and it's true on a shallow level. I wanted them just as badly as every other guy knowing I'd ultimately be unsatisfied if I ever dated them (at least in some areas).
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 So are all attractive guys posers as well? It's not possible that beauty and character can infuse in the world? You have to be one or the other? Hot and shallow vs ugly/average and charming? That's all there is? That's too bad. Only ugly people can be smart- all hot people are shallow...I get it. It's a very reasonable and logical argument. Oh totally D! Hot people are all shallow, lack character and are dumber than a bag of hammers.
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Oh totally D! Hot people are all shallow, lack character and are dumber than a bag of hammers. I thought so... and I like your references and thoughtful background research on this subject. Good job TBF, you must be... ugly?
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I thought so... and I like your references and thoughtful background research on this subject. Good job TBF, you must be... ugly?We ugly people have to stick together, n'est-ce pas?
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Unrealistically too kind Well, based on my avatar pic, I must be intensely full of character and extremely intelligent, wouldn't you say?
carhill Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Alfred Einstein meets Mother Theresa Was that a Freudian slip? Albert...
Author Loxx Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Socket pupet makes a very good point. And TBF and D-lish, i think the defensive position you both took, kinda strengthens Woogle's perception. Granted im sure he is not generlizing all good looking people, however attractive ness is really in the eye of the beholder. I do not find what most men as attractive. I think cute is much more attractive then the Hot blond with big boobs. I actually do not find big boobs attractive... Go figure.
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 We ugly people have to stick together, n'est-ce pas? Oui!! nous devrions coller ensemble. Votre avatar est chaud d'ailleurs.
Trialbyfire Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Oui!! nous devrions coller ensemble. Votre avatar est chaud d'ailleurs. Merci. Vous êtes futé et sage!
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Socket pupet makes a very good point. And TBF and D-lish, i think the defensive position you both took, kinda strengthens Woogle's perception. A very good point- you're totally right. So.... the fact that we defended a position and questioned it in two languages makes us ugly and smart... ? Smart, sexy, deep and pretty doesn't exist?
burning 4 revenge Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Well, based on my avatar pic, I must be intensely full of character and extremely intelligent, wouldn't you say? well to be fair you drank a bottle of manischewitz and smoked two packs of benson and hedges in four hours just before you took that pic i do think it was inappropriate behavior at your cousins baptism, but that was your perogative
sockpuppet Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Socket pupet makes a very good point. And TBF and D-lish, i think the defensive position you both took, kinda strengthens Woogle's perception. Granted im sure he is not generlizing all good looking people, however attractive ness is really in the eye of the beholder. I do not find what most men as attractive. I think cute is much more attractive then the Hot blond with big boobs. I actually do not find big boobs attractive... Go figure. WTF? Why not?
D-Lish Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Merci. Vous êtes futé et sage! "L'oui sage, mais j'ai des bardeaux, ainsi moi jettent la peau souvent. Oui futé assez, non". I think I screwed that one up.
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