Are women really more unrealistic In choosing a man to date?

March 27, 2009

Spend 15 minutes on match.com and you'll see how demanding most of the women on there are. I don't know what it's like as a female on that site, but you get the idea that they're able to pull off being that selective.

It's pretty demoralizing, actually. I'm 5'8". It's frustrating seeing a 5'2" girl not "match" me simply because I don't fit her 6'1 requirement. I've messaged them anyways and they simply weren't interested, for that reason or others. I've talked to friends of mine who will openly admit they're primarily attracted to tall guys, or guys of a certain type, but they've dated other types when they've occasionally had to settle.

I don't know many guys that say they only date girls with a certain cup size, though I'm sure a few exist. I see that as the same idea though....

LOL. The height thing with women can be hilarious. It's funny when these short women pass over a man who is average height. It's also funny to see 6 feet women say a guy two inches taller than her is too short.

I think it is common knowledge that women consider more factors when choosing a partner than men do. Men pretty much start at “is she physically attractive?” and work from there. Some don't go much beyond that. In that respect, I say women do expect more overall, but I don’t think they all seek perfection.

The key to me is being able to avoid the perfectionist, idealistic type of women and find more realistic, grounded type women. I’m finding that you have to sacrifice certain things (like the pretty face or body) to find that.

You hit the nail on the head with that post. I'm not that physically demanding of woman (many guys I know say I have low standards). My basic approach: physical attraction first, personality second, and then let's try something. What's to lose?

But the question is true: women definitely do have a much more unrealistic system of standards when choosing a man.

March 27, 2009

I think this thread is such a generalization of the elements of attraction. People, male or female, are going to be attracted to what they're attracted to. Also, attraction is based on subjective wants and needs. What one person believes is their ideal, another person might say "WTF? You've got to be kidding me!!".

All I can say is that if anyone goes online shopping, they're going to ask for their ideal. If they get it, good for them. If they don't, they're responsible for their own actions.

For that matter, anyone who uses an online dating service isn't forced to use it. This is their decision to go online, so they also have no one to blame beyond themselves for their actions.

IF online dating sites allow it, why not put a clip of yourself in a profile, if you feel that real life better represents you? Host the clip elsewhere and add a link in your profile. I say IF because I've never tried online dating so I don't know if the sites allow it.

IMO, real life is the way to connect with someone. This way, attraction will be instantaneous or not. If attraction is there, you can get to know the person and see if attraction progresses to chemistry.

March 27, 2009

I'm in my 40s now but back in my 20s I knew lots of girls who had checklists (in their heads at least) of the type of guy they wanted. And much of it was superficial.

What's the first thing people often ask when you say you've met someone? What does he/she look like? People make judgments. It's really bad, I think.

As you get older I think you change your mind about what really matters.

What is attractive anyway? I think that changes, too.

Focusing on an ideal can lead to the unfulfillment of the goal. That's something I'm learning.

My goal is to be with someone I'm compatible with who treats me well. Is that realistic?

Exactly. Immaturity. Young people make lists that are, well, pretty superficial, but we can cut them some slack for being young, can't we?

March 27, 2009

My boyfriend is a Star Wars geek who drives a Chevy Malibu, makes less than I do, isn't what most women would consider good looking, and I absolutely freaking adore him.

March 27, 2009

Exactly. Immaturity. Young people make lists that are, well, pretty superficial, but we can cut them some slack for being young, can't we?

It just occurred to me that maybe the reason women are so socialized to look for some media-prescribed ideal is because we've been fed all the fairy tales our whole lives. Little boys don't hear stories of Prince Charming and Snow White for as long as girls do. Yes?

March 27, 2009

It just occurred to me that maybe the reason women are so socialized to look for some media-prescribed ideal is because we've been fed all the fairy tales our whole lives. Little boys don't hear stories of Prince Charming and Snow White for as long as girls do. Yes?

That's true. We don't get to see our dad's porn stash and come up with our own ideals until we're 14 or 15 at least.

March 27, 2009

I reject the premise that women are looking at a media-prescribed ideal more so than men -- though young women are more prone towards romantic fantasy than men.

March 27, 2009

Someone mentioned that women just seem to want pefection in the men they choose to date.

I have to agree with this, From looks to personal traits.

Whats your take on the situation?

A lot of women have unrealistic expectations, but seldom expect perfection. The ones that expect perfection are generally pretty attractive. A lot of homely women have what sounds like pretty reasonable expectations until you see them. Then you realize they are perhaps a little unrealistic as well.

I know that sounded mean, it's not meant to be. I'm just being realistic here.

I think a lot of western women have been raised on a mental diet of being told they are a princess while watching too much popular media at the same time. The fact is, we're not princes and they are not princesses. Men typically get their rude awakening sometime in their late teens, and at that time they are still malleable enough that a lot of them shake it off.

Women don't get their rude awakening until a decade or two later, and when they suddenly realize that there won't be someone there to buy their drinks and shower them with attention on demand it's harsh.

March 27, 2009

A lot of women have unrealistic expectations, but seldom expect perfection. The ones that expect perfection are generally pretty attractive. A lot of homely women have what sounds like pretty reasonable expectations until you see them. Then you realize they are perhaps a little unrealistic as well.

I know that sounded mean, it's not meant to be. I'm just being realistic here.

I think a lot of western women have been raised on a mental diet of being told they are a princess while watching too much popular media at the same time. The fact is, we're not princes and they are not princesses. Men typically get their rude awakening sometime in their late teens, and at that time they are still malleable enough that a lot of them shake it off.

Women don't get their rude awakening until a decade or two later, and when they suddenly realize that there won't be someone there to buy their drinks and shower them with attention on demand it's harsh.

Since clv only dates women in their early 20s exclusively, he is probably on target about them. But yes, they are immature.

But he is wrong about how women work after 30, as he does not date or associate with them.

March 27, 2009

Since clv only dates women in their early 20s exclusively, he is probably on target about them. But yes, they are immature.

But he is wrong about how women work after 30, as he does not date or associate with them.

Taking any shot you can get are you? When I was younger I dated a much wider range of aged women, from 16-56 actually. Sex is pretty good into the mid-40s in my experience and certainly OK even older, but I'm presently dating with an aim to starting a family. Pretty sure a 55 year old woman isn't the way to go for that one.

I stand by my statement, it's based on personal experience and I never said it applied to ALL women, just a lot of them.

March 27, 2009

It does seem like a lot of women have unrealistic expectations. I have no idea why girls who are under 5'4 would demand that a guy be 6'0+

I also think that the fact I'm unlucky enough to be a white guy who's only 5'6 has had a immense negative impact on my dating life. Hell I haven't had a single girlfriend in the 27 years that I've been alive. I know that height is only a minor requirement that women have, that personality is the major one. But consider the fact that I may have been passed over because of my height when I was younger and because I never got to get any confidence in being with girls I wasn't able to develop a positive personality. And now as an adult I'm double screwed.

BTW I really hate reading all the comments from the girls here saying that they require a guy to be at least 5'8. Don't you girls realize that height is something that can't be changed? For many men a requirement for women is that they don't weigh more than him. The thing is, a big girl can lose the weight. A guy who's shorter than average can't grow taller.

Threads like this make me wonder if I should just give up. I'm probably not going to make it to 30 if my life doesn't pick up.

March 27, 2009

It just occurred to me that maybe the reason women are so socialized to look for some media-prescribed ideal is because we've been fed all the fairy tales our whole lives. Little boys don't hear stories of Prince Charming and Snow White for as long as girls do. Yes?

Maybe, but more than the fairy tale idea women often hear the message that they have to have a man. Based on the media, men have this idea that no matter how unattractive or unworthy they are, they should get a beautiful woman with great qualities. (Think about the characters Seth Rogan plays.)

Men (no matter how undesirable) often have a certain sense of entitlement when it comes to women.

Honestly, and this might make me seem like a total b----, I get offended when unattractive guys with nothing to offer approach me. I want to say, "Did you really think this was going to happen?" I would never expect a guy who was better than me (in that he had more to offer) to date me. Actually, I wouldn't date a guy who was more attractive (beyond physically)than me. Men, I think, would.

Guys will go for a woman out of their league. Women aren’t as likely to do this, in my opinion. Guys, I think, tend to be more superficial. Most want hot women. Period. And I've had guys like me because they found me attractive, but not for other reasons. I say this because they didn't know me, therefore they couldn't like my personality. I kind of think that my ex stayed with me not because he loved me, but because he liked having a pretty girlfriend.

So, guys or girls? Who's more superficial? I say guys...

March 27, 2009

The Drama Triangle Perspective of Generalized Threads Like This

Victims: I can't get a date because it's all womens' fault. They're unrealistic.

Rescuers: There, there. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. I can help you but you need to understand that I'm right.

Persecutors: Well, it's your fault, being a man and applying male standards of superficiality, to a woman's requirements.

March 27, 2009

No, they're not. It's just that I'm not marrying a guy based only on the fact that he's a decent guy. I have to feel a spark and passionate love.

Sorry you are not attracting the ladies, but maybe you need to seek therapy to discover why this is.

March 27, 2009

I reject the premise that women are looking at a media-prescribed ideal more so than men -- though young women are more prone towards romantic fantasy than men.

I would agree with this.

BTW I really hate reading all the comments from the girls here saying that they require a guy to be at least 5'8. Don't you girls realize that height is something that can't be changed? For many men a requirement for women is that they don't weigh more than him. The thing is, a big girl can lose the weight. A guy who's shorter than average can't grow taller.

It's probably more your attutide then your height that turns girls off. If you are insecure about yourself, a girl will be insecure about you too. Alot of women might be shallow about height, but alot of women aren't too. A big girl can loose weight, but she can't get any younger and as you seen here, a few guys are critical and demeaning about women aging. Dude, seriously, I know alot of women that like Jon Stewart and he is 5'7. I crush on Seth Green too. And he is like 5'4. I know alot of girls that liked him.

A lot of women have unrealistic expectations, but seldom expect perfection. The ones that expect perfection are generally pretty attractive. A lot of homely women have what sounds like pretty reasonable expectations until you see them. Then you realize they are perhaps a little unrealistic as well.

That's not true to only women. Alot of homely men have unrealistic expectations. A actually think men are more laddled with over the top expectatiosn then women. I know many goregous women that are down to earth. And many average girls that aren't. You really like to stereotype about women. It sounds like you've had a rough row with them.

I know that sounded mean, it's not meant to be. I'm just being realistic here.

I think you do mean it to be mean. You have a certain tone that comes off very malicious towards women. I am being realistic here as well. That's my perception of you and alot of other ladies here as well. You have a negative view of women over a positive one. I am sure you love women, think they are worthy of life and love within a certain age range. But that doesn't take away fro mthe fact that you are negative about women first. I hope you can find a way to over come that. It seeps through most of your posts, I have never seen you say something nice about women. Just wanting to "put them in their place" mentality.

I think a lot of western women have been raised on a mental diet of being told they are a princess while watching too much popular media at the same time.

I think alot of western men have been fed a mental diet that they don't have to treat women right, put effort into them, and really understand how to lead without taking advantage of the situation. i think alot of western men have been raised on an ideal perception of women in Playboy and Maxim and what true feminity is about.

Men typically get their rude awakening sometime in their late teens, and at that time they are still malleable enough that a lot of them shake it off.

Do they shake it off or do they store down deep and as they grow into men carry around this attitude about entitlement and looking at every avenue they can get one up on women. Boys/men, might get a rude awakening but i don't think it makes men healthier or more mature in handling situations. I think it does the opposite based on what I see from guys sometimes.

Women don't get their rude awakening until a decade or two later, and when they suddenly realize that there won't be someone there to buy their drinks and shower them with attention on demand it's harsh.

I think that's what you would like to believe is true. But I live in NJ. I got to NYC and Philly and see 20s and 30s year old women getting hit on. Does it mean it's serious? Nope. But my girlfriends in our early 20s didn't have an easy time of getting a man to commit. So I don't think it's based on age. I think that's what you want women to think because you want to get back at women. I see women who go out, get hit on, have men in their lives that care for them that are *gasp* mid 30s. Now that's obviously not the type of women for you. But I think that has to do with your experiences that obviously have really colored your view of women, and not for the better.

March 27, 2009

The funny thing is that many of these women have so little to offer themselves. If they were to somehow meet this perfect man that they are looking for what makes them think he would want anything to do with them.

That's just human nature. Count how many times you've seen men posting here, 'How do I get this beautiful woman to notice me and not judge me based on my looks?' Bet you lost count.

March 27, 2009

It's probably more your attutide then your height that turns girls off. If you are insecure about yourself, a girl will be insecure about you too. Alot of women might be shallow about height, but alot of women aren't too. A big girl can loose weight, but she can't get any younger and as you seen here, a few guys are critical and demeaning about women aging. Dude, seriously, I know alot of women that like Jon Stewart and he is 5'7. I crush on Seth Green too. And he is like 5'4. I know alot of girls that liked him.

I know for certain that it's my insecurity + height and (other physical things) that is turning women off. The thing is, I wasn't always insecure. Feeling insecure about myself is a learned behavior. All the early failures when I was young started a chain reaction that eventually led into a downward spiral leaving me where I am now.

BTW Seth Green and Jon Stewart are poor examples. First off all they are both celebrities. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if some women think Verne Troyer is cute simply because he's famous. Getting back to Jon and Seth, both men have a lot of things going for them in spite of their physical selves. Somehow they were able to develop a positive personality. I wasn't. And I need to find a way to reprogram who I am. At least that way women can say, "He's short but he's also xyz, and that makes up for it.'

March 27, 2009

I will say, as an observer, that it appears that the controversial males here, as in real life, are the ones getting the female attention. Nice to see at least some constants translating

That observation comes from a lifetime of being a good listener to women. No animosity here at all. Life is what it is. We all have our path

March 27, 2009

I will say, as an observer, that it appears that the controversial males here, as in real life, are the ones getting the female attention. Nice to see at least some constants translating

That observation comes from a lifetime of being a good listener to women. No animosity here at all. Life is what it is. We all have our path

Your lifetime of experience should also tell you that controversial males don't always get dates. There's a fine line between generating interest and actively pissing women off.

March 27, 2009

I will say, as an observer, that it appears that the controversial males here, as in real life, are the ones getting the female attention.

It's funny how that works out in real life as well.

March 27, 2009

There's a fine line between generating interest and actively pissing women off.

No, my experience has truly been that the men women most complain about and who appear to have the most obnoxious of characteristics are the ones they seem most bonded to. Remember, such men (being the compartmentalized beasts that they are) have "another side", which, in concert with the behaviors complained about, serve to keep the woman off-balance emotionally. I've seen this many times, both in marriages and LTR's. It's a side effect (benefit sounds a bit overreaching

) of being an emotional tampon

March 27, 2009

No, my experience has truly been that the men women most complain about and who appear to have the most obnoxious of characteristics are the ones they seem most bonded to. Remember, such men (being the compartmentalized beasts that they are) have "another side", which in concert with the behaviors complained about, serve to keep the woman off-balance emotionally. I've seen this many times, both in marriages and LTR's. It's a side effect (benefit sounds a bit overreaching ) of being an emotional tampon

Haha...my fiancé keeps me emotionally off-balance with romance. I like that much better.

March 27, 2009

Most of these women with impossible standards have nothing to offer besides looks. Sure they are attractive but that is all they have. It attracts men but if they want a high quality man they have to offer more than that.

March 27, 2009

It's funny how that works out in real life as well.

Yup. You're so successful with the women you have time to post 24/7. If you were truly happy with your relations with the opposite sex, you wouldn't project on a message board.

you're not fooling anyone.

March 27, 2009

Haha...my fiancé keeps me emotionally off-balance with romance. I like that much better.

Yes, me too, but it takes the right kind of woman to create that dynamic with. TBF, as you know, there are many women out there who don't see your dynamic as healthy due to their own psychological issues, or they don't feel they deserve that kind of love and relationship.

I think your mantra of patience and being selective is well taken. I wish for more women I know and meet to have that kind of confidence

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Are women really more unrealistic In choosing a man to date?

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